I wanted to write this post last week (a day after the last post, to be exact), but life got a little busy. I still wanted to communicate a couple thoughts though, before moving on to the next post.
The friend I spoke to after writing said email last week said to me that I was brave (moving here). It's weird, but to me it's not a big deal/not something I feel 'brave' over, etc. I never know how to respond to comments like that. I did what I wanted to do.
What's brave to me is writing that last post. Brave is baring all my emotions which could be open to judgement, ridicule or opinions I may or may not be ready to hear. I was just thinking; it's funny.. in highschool I, okay, stood out a little (intentionally), but scholastically or emotionally I was never good enough, or I was always judged* and ended up hiding a lot of things I was feeling (which, in hindsight, lead to a period of heavy depression in my teens but I digress), where now I've evolved into a human who doesn't shy away from expressing my feelings and find it more freeing, than fearful.
That day with the breakdown/breakthrough? My day didn't end there. I decided it was a good idea to spill soup on my boyfriend's computer. That he uses for work. That he's financially responsible for. That had a large project due today. I felt awful. To say I panicked and freaked out, is an understatement. After a tearful text to a friend of his, he came over, pulled it all apart and we cleaned it up. After reassembly, it's only the keyboard that doesn't work. Phew. I'll happily pay for a new keyboard replacement instead of a whole computer any day. We have a plug-in keyboard for now. Goodness; that day was just too much stress.
Now onto the next post!