A Very Pleasant Surprise

I came home today after my second day in session at work (I'll get into these later) and having quite a productive day, feeling pretty good, I came home to this....

The Dean's List!  ME!  I'm in shock.  I've finally completed my first college course (despite going to school more than once when I was younger) and not only did I complete it, I excelled at it (okay, so it was kind of easy, but still!).  This is a big deal to me on so many levels.  The sense of accomplishment is...profound.  Now that I have it on black & white, so to speak, it seems a little more real.  A little more, "I can do anything".  A little bit more of a boost of confidence.

Anyways, wanted to share :)  It's not at all intended as gloating; it's just a personal accomplishment that meant a lot.

Hee!

I did my exam tonight and I'M DONE MY COURSE!!

Holy mother of God, I didn't think it'd ever end (the course, not the exam).  I'm a walking zombie.. it pretty much fried my brain.  I can't tell you how I did. Not great, but.. I don't care at this point.  Too tired.

Now I can get my life back a bit and my apartment cleaned and think about Christmas.. and.. a whole bunch of other things :)

Night, all.

Ramblings

Morning.  I'm writing you on a not-so early morning (it's 7am) with my oatmeal and milk.  Ooh.. I should brew some coffee.  Hmm.. my stomach says 'too harsh', so a pot of tea it is.  God will have to forgive me for not going to Mass this morning.  I didn't get a great sleep last night and wanted to sleep in a little. Even when I decided I could feel like crap the rest of the day, the rain was a factor (I walk there).  I'll be going there later today anyways, so I'll apologize then :p

Have a few things on my mind, so I'm going to spew my typical random babble.  Besides, it's been a while since I've sat and caught up with you, so it's overdue.

Work is... going.  Days are fine, though I seriously have to get new shoes.  The non-slips I wear are killing my feet, and my back and knees.  I think I'm going to wear normal running shoes with a non-slip cover.  I'm getting okay hours, but not what I was hoping.  Yet. Lots of changes at work so they're keeping us on our toes.  I think sometimes, they like nothing better to do than mess with our heads and see how much torment we can actually take.  Sadistic, they are I tell you.

There's a new special friendship forming (we'll call him J.C. ha! I just caught the irony of his initials).  God has definitely had a hand in this, so I'm anxious to see how it goes.  He's already been there for a lot.

When I see an opportunity of a potential relationship (not to imply *that's* where that friendship is going. It's not my decision and it may or may not and I'm not expecting anything, but to be fair, I'm a girl and this is where my head goes) I initially get happy, but then I get very, very scared.  I haven't been looking for anything (for a reason; I realized it wasn't time and I wasn't ready).  My point of view of relationships has changed (priorities, needs, expectations, desires) and when I stare into the eyes of someday having a major relationship again, ugh, I start to freak out.  Not in a bad way; I mean, it's good, but it's just that... well, I'm scared.  Not only for something new, I think, but because those new ideals are being challenged.  I don't jump into things heart first anymore (thanks K), or if I do, I keep it reserved (is this what normal people do??).  I'm scared of being hurt again. I'm scared of letting all abandon go and being consumed by something (though wanting it at the same time).  Boy oh boy.  Well, my eyes have been opened and I've been given a bit of a reality check.  Now I can sit back, try and let all this worry go and relax until something *wonderful* comes along.

That's a lot of philosophizing for first thing in the morning, isn't it?

I have to stay at home today until a shipment comes; I missed UPS yesterday.  Got a couple books on Amazon on the Black Friday sales (ooh! CZ - I got the Jaime Oliver book!).  Then I hope to run some errands this afternoon.  Please pray to the UPS gods I get the shipment in the morning, not afternoon.

I'm finishing my fourth (and final!) assignment.  Thank God.  Then I write my final in December and I'm DONE!  I'm so ready for this to be over.  While I love learning, my brain needs a break.

I need to start knitting again.

How's your Christmas shopping going?  I'm half done.  Some people needs additional gifts, some I haven't bought for yet.  I really should make a list.

Well, I looked on the radar and it doesn't seem to be letting up.  Ah well, that's why man made umbrellas.

Hope your week is a good one!

The Week So Far...

Just chillin' with some jazz on in the background, trying to take in the day.  It was my first day of being trained on days at work.  My co-workers and I are wondering why I was trained on one of the more challenging floors/routines at first, but I'm just rolling with it (I've learned where to spend my energy questioning things, and where not to).  So... I was up at 0500 this morning and oddly... it wasn't that difficult.  I was reluctant to get out of my warm bed, I won't lie.  It was also a little hard to stay alert, whilst feeling half awake, trying to take in all this new information.  I'm not sure how much stuck.  I'll have to wait till tomorrow morning to find out (I'm going to try to do most of it myself).

I had this past weekend off and it was good; had a small dinner party Sunday night complete with turkey breast, green beans, purple potatoes, apple crisp & vanilla ice cream.  Yum.  Oh, and with a couple of people I see not near as often as I'd like ;)

Monday was work while Tuesday and Wednesday were dealing with a bag of apples I got at market the previous Saturday.  I ended up making 5 mini apple crisps (to freeze - hopefully give as gifts and/or for myself at a later date), apple chips (first time.. and YUM) and apple sauce (also first time).  I froze some sauce and kept some in the fridge.  I'll thaw and cook one of the apple crisps myself to see how they turned out (I've never frozen it before).  Literally for 2 days I didn't leave the kitchen.  It was nice :)  I almost made cookies, too, but I was starting to get tired (despite my ambition).

Got my second assignment back; still in the 90's.  I don't think I've gotten 90's in my life so I'm still a little in shock.

Had a meeting with my department director today and it went very well; it lasted an hour.  She surprises me sometimes... for all the (appearing, to some) asinine changes that are happening in our department, she knows what's going on.  Or maybe she's just really good at bluffing.  Ah well, either way, that's why she gets paid the big bucks.  I got positive feedback from the recent Leadership sessions I took and she thinks I'm going in the right direction.  I got a couple of ideas for inspiration so I hope to act on them.

Okay, I think that's all.  I'm bloody tired and it's only 20:09 - and I don't care.  I'll be going to bed in an hour or so (I say that, but I'll want to watch Greys, so I might veg on the couch).  I feel bad that I didn't make it to Mass tonight (or choir for that fact), but I feel better taking it easy at home.  I'll go next Thursday when I feel a little more used to the new schedule.

For those of you who I haven't spoken to in a while.. drop a line. I wonder how you're doing :)

Hope everyone else had a great week as it comes to a close.

Cerebralectomy

I've done a lot of internalizing this weekend.  Mostly all today.  Even though I was in very social surroundings, I was very quiet, very much "in my head".  I've been anxious since yesterday without any particular reason.  I am going to speak of random things without much order or sense.

Have you ever been out and seen who you thought.. you were *sure*.. was someone you knew, only it wasn't?  You saw their 'twin'.  Perhaps their... doppelganger, if you will.  I still remember the day I thought I saw a public school friend of mine at a park event; this was years ago and I still remember it.  Wasn't sure if it was her at first and I literally almost had to stare at this person and follow them to make sure if it was/wasn't her.  It wasn't.  But, she was important to me and it shook me up a little.  My sister says she thought she saw me once, as her masseur (listen, if I was doing that job, I would be better off than I am now).  I was told by someone today they 'saw' me.  What is it that draws people from our past to us in the present?  Why does it shake us up?  Does it mean anything?  Was it coincidence?  If everything happens for a reason, what was the reason for that?  Why do I seek answers to things that have no answer?

I fear I'm not important to anyone.  I'm no one's priority (Babu doesn't count - he's dependent..heh).  I don't even mean to imply that I have to 'belong' to someone or be someone's significant other.  Even though I have someone(s) it doesn't mean I feel any more a part of something.. or of someone.  I even mean to friends; no one's finding time to communicate with me like they used to.  Is it something I've done?  Do I need to change who I am?  I'm just feeling very alone regardless of who or what's in my life right now.  Yes, it may be irrational, but it's there.

I have been feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin lately.  I don't care for this.

Random: Compliance.  Ending?

I watched American's Extreme Home Makeover and it made me wonder if there's not something I can do for the better.  Who can I help?  What can I do to make the world a better place?  Yeah, it brought out the warm-fuzzies.  I hate that show for that.  Sometimes I just want to keep them locked in.  It's easier.

I came across someone today for a repeated time that I feel drawn to.  I don't know what draws me to this person and for the simple fact we don't even know each other that well; sort of by.. association.  At first I thought it was an attraction, but the more I examined it, the more I realized I think the universe is prompting me to get to know this person.  But how?  How do I get to know someone when we never talk, never even really have a chance of talking, never associate with each other outside of a few times a year of chance gatherings??  Am I being vague enough for you?

That's about all I have to say today.  Sorry it's not more positive.  It's not written from a 'self pity' sort of angle, I'm just calling it like I see it (read: how I feel it).  I'm going to continue to be quiet until I get more studying done, so I apologize for some continued random absence.  Medical Terminology is kicking me in the arse (learning latin, biology and new terms all in one shot will do that to ya).  And I have yet to write about last weekends Jazz Festival and Nuit Blanche (SO much fun); I even took pictures!

Happy Monday everyone - I hope the week starts off fabulous for you :)

Edit: Forgot to add something.

Out With The Old?

Something just occurred to me this morning (regardless that it's been fact for over a month now).  I just finished a school program.  Me.  ME!  WTF just happened?!  *stares blankly*  I... finished something.  You don't understand how huge this is for me.  I always got shitty grades in high school (I'm talking C-average) and when I went to college for Architecture I got about B's mostly, but dropped out (various reasons we're *not* going to talk about here).  I had a passion for it, but it didn't come naturally.  THIS is coming naturally.  What fruit it bears, I'm anxious to see.  I maintained my A-average, by the way :)

This morning I decided to take an extra 2 courses (not full program like I just completed).  These will also be assets on the resume.  I really put off doing these because I didn't think I'd have the mental capacity this fall (I really wanted a break from school and I've been feeling poor physically, which is affecting me mentally), but I need to have faith it will work out.  I know if I work hard I can do it.

I'm also taking a Leadership lecture series with the hospital (once a week for several weeks, for a couple hours/session, unpaid) which my department Director has fully backed me up on taking.  The good: Points on the resume, improving self.  The bad: I've pretty much committed to being at the hospital 7 days a week, for the next few weeks now.  If if this doesn't make me slightly homicidal, I don't know what will.

I went to the Pulmonologist this week (nearly missing my app't - I was an hour late and he took me in an hour after I got there).  He got the results of the trial and asked me what I thought, if I liked the machine (no), how often I used it (half to less than half) and if it did any good (so-so).  Despite me telling him the Breathe Right nose strips have been working wonders (sleeping through the night and helping me feel a little better), he still wants me to get the CPAP machine.  Whatever.  Did he read the results at all?  Did he read that the Respirologist thinks I don't *need* the machine?  I'm sure he has to advocate it and I'm sure he had to say the nose strips aren't a solution to sleep apnea.  He's confident if I lose some weight it'll solve everything.  I agree, only easier said than done.  THAT challenge is NOT going well :(

I canned peached for the first time on Tuesday.  It went... alright.  Slightly stressful for my first time.  Might get help next year if I do it again.  They didn't turn out perfect and will be a little mushy, but it should just be me eating them (I'm hesitant to share a less-than-perfect product), so I'm not at all worried about it.

Raining today.  Hope it lets up a bit for my walk to work.

And now, I shall turn up Vivaldi's Four Seasons.....

Updates & Stuff

I'm having a tea this morning instead of coffee.  Letting go of coffee has been easier than I thought.  I'm not cutting it out completely, but I'm not having it everyday like I used to.  Maybe once or twice a week or so.  I was going to say it's easier to let go of something when it brings you discomfort, but that's not always the case (as is with coffee; I was having 2-3 cups a day).  I'm not sure where to start when it comes to updating you on what's going on, so I'm just going to start babbling.....

School - Courses are completed (I'm sure I've mentioned this by now) but I still have to figure out my overall average for the program.  Hmm.. maybe it's listed online.  Let me check my account.  Hmm.. but that means I have to find a paper with my student number on it.  Which also reminds me, I have to apply for my certificate.  .....*ruffles around with papers in bedroom*......*looks for 20 min but can't find anything*..... Right, well, that's going to have to wait.  I really need to get in there and clean up.

I've been hearing more blue jays the past few mornings and geese the past couple.  It's that time of year again.  I've got my living room window slightly closed; it's really dropped in temperature overnight (down to 9C).  The days are lovely, though (around 25C/75F).

Work - I think hours will be cut more in October than September as planned.  The later the better for me.  In September I'm taking a Leadership course.  It's a once-a-week lecture (for several weeks) to improve, obviously, your leadership skills.  This is important for me as I have the drive to lead, but lack some... how shall we say.. tact :)  I'm there to do a job and I will direct you to get said job done.  Only, not all people like my directness and I have to.. *shudder*... soften my edge a little.  Honestly, I hate conforming.  It's not for me.  But, having said that, I understand you attract more flies with honey.  Maybe I can look at it differently than 'conforming'.  Hmm.  Oh, funny story:  An email was sent out to pick up the course materials.  I went down to pick them up and as she handed them to me I said I already received them.  She looked puzzled.  She said, "Are you sure?  I just made these yesterday."  Me, "Um... yeah.  I received them in an inter-office envelope last week."  We both pause and look puzzled.  "Are you SURE?" she says.  "Yup."  So it's a total mystery as to how I got the same course material a week before she made it.  Odd, indeed.  Meant to be?

Health - I've been sleeping okay for the most part.  The Breathe-Right nose strips have been a God-send.  They let me sleep through an entire night now and I feel more rested the next day.  I think I still feel really run down from my forever-lasting cycle.  I'm taking ferrous fumerate (a form of iron) to try and give myself a boost, so I've cut down to half a pill a day because it was upsetting my stomach something severe.  I'm not really noticing a difference, to be honest.  I will try to get my next B12 shot soon.  I've been cracking down on my eating habits again as I was getting a little lazy (it really is hard to recognize and resist so many carbs!).

Personal Growth - Boy, I don't think I have enough time in the day or space in this entry to write everything that's happened the past 72 hours.  Lets just say I feel the weight has been lifted off my back.  175lbs of weight, that is.

Cryptic - Remember my significant coffee friend?  Yes.

I read this, this morning: Scientists Crack Wheat's Genetic Code.  I have a sneaky suspicion this isn't an entirely good thing.

This article made my stomach turn: Women Need Antibiotics Before (not after) C-Section.  Just.. wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  I understand in some cases it may be needed, but.. man.  (Note: yes, my opinion, not based on medical fact, but I'll be DAMNED if you stick me with a) something I don't want and b) something that will get into my baby's bloodstream, also what I don't want).  /rant

I have a random craving for a Starbucks Tazo Chai Latte.  Thanks, CS :P

It was JH's birthday yesterday.  A ripe 25.  I woke her up early (muahahaha) and arrived at her door with flowers and took her out for breakfast.  I remember 25; I also did a lot of maturing at that age.  Things change.  Priorities in you shift.  Do *you* remember 25? :)

Prayer Life - I've found this fantastic site, Pray-As-You-Go (it's UK-based, as it turns out) and they have daily prayers you can download (on the site, or to an mp3 player).  I've listened to them every morning this week, almost first thing before my day starts (but of course, you can listen to them whenever, this is just what works for me) and they're just fantastic.  They last about 10-13 min, so if you can spare the time (or curiosity), I encourage you to give it a go.

Yesterday I tried, Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred.  Holy hell, am I sore today.  If I had more energy this morning, I would have given it another go, but I'm not feeling great.  There are a lot of girls at work trying it and I thought why not.  I need an extra kick in the ass.  It will definitely tone you, that's for sure.  At this point, even if it skims an inch off I'll be happy.  I'll keep you posted.  (I'll also keep you posted if I keep it up.  Aries are famous for starting things, but never finishing them.)

Well, I think I've talked your ear off today.  It's Friday and my weekend off, only I picked up a shift for Sunday.  I don't ever work my weekends off (I get so few) but this person begged and pleaded (okay, I might have a bit of a soft-spot inside, but don't tell anyone).  The hours will be nice on the next paycheque.  Tomorrow I'll be going to market early-early to get peaches for canning.  Wish me luck!!  Hope everyone has a great weekend!  Get out and enjoy the weather :)

Later Edit: Forgot to include a link.

Taking It Easy

Well, the past couple days have been nice not having the stress of waiting for my course to be done.  I'm finally able to get to some of the things I need to clean around the house and writing emails long overdue.  Still have lots of catching up to do.

On the dating scene: I wish there wasn't one.  Oh the drama.  I had a nice guy message me a few days ago and it started to go well.  He was an RPN in a long term care facility, a year older, good looking and seemed to have his head on his shoulders.  Not so much.  I'll make all of this brief: he lied to me about a) kids and b) religion (and these are major things, regardless of our individual viewpoints) so I had to tell him to take a hike (nicely, of course).  So much for that.  I'm only a little sad because it would have been nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day who understood things when I talked about work.  Oh well.

Not much else to report.  Babu is FAT.  We both need to go on a diet.  Oh yeah, I've been eating better, but have not been losing weight. Not happy.  Haven't been doing enough swimming yet, so...

Am I forgetting anything?  What would you like to know about?

Hope everyone's well.  I'm trying to get out to everyone's blogs again :)

The End Is Not Only In Sight, It's Here

It's almost midnight, my eyes are half open, I'm feeling a little nauseous from not eating for a while, my brain is *completely* fried, I barely have the energy to sit here typing, but y'know what.............

I'M FINISHED MY STUDIES!  MY ENTIRE PROGRAM IS COMPLETED!! *hear the crowd go wild*  *raises both hands into a victory stance*

*faints from having no more energy*

Thanks for the confidence, all, when the push was on.  It was appreciated :)

'Night :)

More Hours In The Day?

I wonder some days if you folks don't wonder if I'm still alive.  Sorry for the minimal posting.

Today's a day off (one day off within a 2-week period. And you wonder why I thought about switching departments.. pftt) and it's filled.  I hate the one-day off's... they fill up so quickly.  So many things on the list, not enough hours in the day.  Which reminds me, as I finish my first cup of coffee, I need to get laundry started.

....pauses to get dressed, assemble laundry and take downstairs....

There's been a lot of buzz around work with the new change-over last weekend in the kitchen. Thankfully my job isn't affected until September.  There's a lot of disgruntlement, though.  There was also an incident last week with 2 supervisors and there was mis-communication (an email) that was accidentally read by one of my friends/co-workers which put her to tears (they spoke about her in a very non-supervisory sort of way).  So that still has ripple effects.  It's not a happy time in the Food Services these days.

It's also been quiet patient-wise.  Sorry I have no stories for you of late.  I've had a rotation of new patients and I'm getting to know them all over again.  No exciting stories yet.  I've been noticing, more than lately though, that some of them just want someone to talk to.  It's kind of sad, but very understandable.  I wish I could afford more time during my shift but it's so tightly-knit I just can't.  I do well to take 5 minutes out of my routine to talk sometimes and I don't mind that, but I don't always have the ability.

My health has been alright; about the same.  Last night was my last night with the CPAP machine trial.  I didn't enjoy it at all.  If you ever have to sleep with one of these things... good luck.  I think it helped a little, but I didn't sleep with it much; it always came off halfway through the night (by my doing rather I was conscious of it or not).  I have a couple other discoveries and avenues I want to try, so I'm going to give those consideration before I see the doc at the end of August again for a check-in.  I have my stress test tomorrow. Good times.

I've taken up swimming!!  I'm so excited.  I used to be a 'fish' (my mother called me) when I was younger.  LOVED swimming.  I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner - it's good for the heart, the lungs, building up endurance.  I went with a friend last week and we were there a full hour - half of which was doing laps.  It was fantastic.  Once we go a couple times for laps, casual swim, we're going to try an aquafit class.

I HAVE to finish studying this week, finals are due at the end of the week and I haven't wanted to touch 'em with a ten-foot pole.  Then I'm DONE!  Finito!

Can I tell you (randomly) how much I love Mozart's Symphony No. 25?  There's so much going on in that piece.

Ugh... so much cleaning to do today.  I'd better get to it.

I hope everyone's week has started off well! :)

Another Day At The Hospital

Well, today was fun.  And when I say fun, I mean not really.

This morning was an adventure.  My stomach had been hurting me since last night.  I ignored it because it usually passes and tried to sleep it off (terrible sleep, weird dreams and the like).  Woke up tired.  Still sore and achy in the morning.  Cancelled my chiropractor appointment and moved it to Friday (which will be interesting; I'll have 3 appointments back-to-back).  Went to physio with intent to just do exercises then leave.  I walked out to go home, walking along the street, minding my own... then I felt nauseous.  Very, very nauseous.  I had to turn back quickly because I thought I was going to get sick in the middle of the bloody sidewalk.  Got back in the office and sat down.  My sugar *plummeted*.  My sugar has never dropped that bad, that early in the morning (1.5 hrs after eating).  I was fed water and chocolates until I was better enough to walk home again (and I did so, quickly).  Downed a glass of orange juice, made a meal and felt a bit better.  I didn't recover the rest of the day (to 100%).  Co-workers said I didn't look well.  So.. I'm worried.  These 'episodes' are happening more frequently and VERY quickly, which has me concerned.  I have a doc appointment Friday so I'll bring it up.

When I was delivering dinner at work, I thought I'd walked into a room of a dead person (I swear to God she had passed but apparently she hadn't) and that weirded me out the rest of the shift.  Deceased people don't bother me, nor walking into the rooms of such, but this one just... felt different.  I wouldn't be surprised if the poor lady passes by tomorrows shift.

I made an interesting correlation between not talking to the ex and lack of being prayerful.  I can't really make sense of it.  It would make sense if we were together and I didn't pray as much (I could make excuses that I didn't have the time or had no reason to) but now... I don't know what my excuse is.  It has me befuddled.

Got into the studies tonight again.  Half done one midterm!  I'll get into what I'm learning later.  Too tired now :)

It's almost the end of the week!  Hope it's going well for everyone.