So You Think You're Envious?

Common phrases I'm told is that people are envious, how brave I am, what a great thing it is I'm doing, how happy I'll be.

This?  This right now, is not happy.  This right now is done with dealing with people who AREN'T GETTING THAT I'M LEAVING.  This, right now, is done with people who don't seem to care about how I've worked with them for 5.5 years and treat my last day with them as any other.  This, right now, is done with family who have only starting to attempt making plans 3 WEEKS BEFORE I LEAVE.  This, right now, is me **so** stretched thin, that I barely have everyone and every thing covered before I go.  This right now..is me so stressed out that I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks.

This is the dark side of moving somewhere far away.  Yes, there will be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but it's not all fun and roses.  To pick up your entire life, leave everything and everyone behind is not easy and causes very painful moments.

I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.

Transitions

I'm taking a bit of rare quiet time this morning to touch base with y'all; maybe do a bit of reflection and let you know how things are going in my headspace.

I'm a myriad of emotions right now: happy, excited, sad, stressed, anxious (more the good than the bad kind), scared, eager.  The list goes on.  It also varies per day.  Sometimes even per hour (I wish I was joking).  I also can't seem to keep two thoughts in my head at the same time.  Seriously. Also not joking.

This is my final week at work and it's a bittersweet one.  I've said goodbye to a couple co-workers already around the hospital. Yesterday was a bit difficult (having to say goodbye to a direct co-worker, someone I work close to).  Thursday-Sunday are my last shifts.  I've spent over 5 years in that hospital (when I wasn't sure I'd stay more than a couple) and as much as there were times I didn't like some of my co-workers whether I like it or not, they've helped shaped who I am.  They've contributed to my personality, my work ethic (this is a big one), my mannerisms, changing how I interact with people in business.  They've helped shape *who I am* and I've sort of become pretty proud of that person, so I'm very grateful for these experiences and the people who've contributed to them.  So yeah, it'll be hard to say goodbye.

My stuff.  Ugh.  Getting rid of/selling/donating etc my personal items has been one of the most difficult processes.  I'm getting a hard lesson in pride, let me tell you.  Lesson #1 - Your material items hold no monetary value after ownership, and when you go to sell them, people want even less than that.  Lesson #2 - You will never, ever, EVER get what you a) want for it or b) deem the item to be worth.  Lesson #3 - It might actually put you off from ever possessing new things in the future.  At least, for the short term.  I mean, seriously... what I've amended in the past about my attachment to material items, has again been revamped to want even less than before.  Why?  What's the point?  Why do I want to hang onto something that will no longer serve me in the future?  Why do I want something taking up space that can be used for something more purposefully?  This is all coming at a convenient time of moving to a country that believes in minimalism and small spaces because they don't own a lot of things and recognize THEY DON'T NEED TO.  They already have the mentality that I'm just adapting.

I'm going to sit with that for now; have to get ready for a breakfast date with a nurse friend.  Hope y'all are having a good Tuesday :)

P.S - 28 days!

For the Rest of You...

I forgot a couple of you don't have Facebook and haven't seen the date I announced for my departure.  Sorry 'bout that.  After the wrath that was Facebook happened, I just sort of had to take some time for myself for it to sink it and receive everyone's comments.

Leaving: July 3rd.

Yeah, it's soon.  About a month and a half.  I'd been keeping an eye on ticket prices and they were starting to rise $200+, so I had to jump at it.  And really, I just want to be there.  We're excited to start our life together.

I've received all sorts of comments; most great, a couple not so.  I get that it's difficult to process.  It is for me too, sometimes.  People are processing, "Oh, she's actually doing what she said she was going to do.  Wow."  Shock is the common response.  Given.  Still, I persevere and am trying to get things done on a daily basis that need to be taken care of; cancellations, closure of accounts, discarding items, organizing, etc.  I don't do well when there's a hundred things that need to be done.  I procrastinate.  A lot.

I shouldn't sit here too long.  There are things I need to get up and do (or not do and keep procrastinating) before sitting to talk to W. again before he goes to work.

Hope everyone's having a good week :)

Date Set

I have a date.  A date with a plane and a date with a very wonderful Dutch man.

The ticket has been bought.  But.. I'm not announcing that date yet.  Give me a day for it to sink in and then I will do a mass announcement.

Holy shit.  I just bought a plane ticket to Europe.  To move.  To live, to work in another country.  Wow.

W. and I had a very serious talk at zero-hour before I confirmed my purchase; what it would mean for us, how we'll continue to proceed in our relationship, acknowledging there will be good days and bad, but every day I will make a very conscious decision and choose to love him and choose to make an effort in our relationship and our lives - and that effort will be happily be met and returned.

For now.. I am very tired and very overwhelmed.  Not only have I dealt with the good today, but the past 24hrs I have also dealt with the not-so-good (Babu and finding him a home).  To say it's heartbreaking is saying it lightly.  And it's still not finished.

So I'm going to have a quiet evening, let everything sink in... and just chill.  I think I'm even too mentally tired for a movie.

Goedenacht.

Counting Down..

11 hours!

Eeee!

Man, I don't even know if I can eat right now, but I'm gonna try.  He didn't sleep much at all last night.  Miraculously, I did (but then, I had the pinnacle of my stress a couple days ago, whereas he was calm until last night).

I've checked and so far his flights are on time.  His plane gets into Newark at 11am.  Then he has a miserable 4-hr layover until Toronto.

Here we go.......!

Last Sleep!

Een nachtjes slapen! (One more sleep!)

Wow.  Tomorrow. Can you believe it?  TO-MOR-ROW.

Finally.

And then he'll be home.

Prayers and positive thoughts for a safe and on-time flight please!

Counting Down

TWEE nachtjes slapen! (TWO more sleeps!)

Eek!

..On an unrelated note, when the universe sees that you need to slow down, it will indeed force you to slow down.  I burned myself at work today.  Hot/boiling water down the front of my chest (don't ask).  I'm fine.  We acted soon enough to prevent second degree burns (though that will be verified tomorrow).  Geez.  You can't take me anywhere.  Pros about working in a hospital.  So, I will be taking it easy the next 24 hrs.  When I need to be most busiest.  *sigh*  Such is life. 

Counting Down..

Four more sleeps :) :)

There Was Once This Dutch Girl......

It'd been about a month since I was in Toronto to drop off the paperwork for my passport.  They quoted me 2 weeks, though I was skeptical with all the rush they've had to deal with, with everyone getting their paperwork in by the deadline.  I was thinking more of 3-4 weeks.  Well, this week was approaching 4 weeks.  I know better than to "let things develop" with this process (for the times I thought that, so much could have been done), so I emailed my contact at the Dutch consulate.  Sure enough she wrote back in confirmation... "They say no news is good news. Your application was accepted and you should receive your passport by next week."  I was in shock.  I stared at the words on the screen (read from my phone this morning at work).  I won't lie; I even shed a slight (happy) tear or two.  Everything has come to fruition.  

One more things crossed off the Bucket List. 

Wait, I just crossed something off my Bucket List?  All of these thoughts meshing with it like age, stage in life.. and really, a bunch of adjectives I can't think of right now cause I'm so tired.  You get where I'm going with that.  

I've sat with this news all day and I still can't get over it.  I mean, really sit with it.  W. is still without computer/Skype so I had to call him and share the news - he was the first to tell.  We had a great conversation.  We hate not being able to see each other, though.  Even more.. not celebrating in person. BUT.. 5 more sleeps :)  We will have a proper celebration this weekend, incorporating a drink of some kind, I'm sure.  Or hey, just actually being in the same room will be nice and reason enough for celebration.  

Wow.  This weekend. 

Time, it is a flyin'. 

For now, no one has agreed to go out with me for a celebratory drink (or coffee) which I'm a bit bummed about, but honestly, I'm so tired right now I'm not sure how much I could keep up with conversation.  Perhaps tomorrow will be better.  

More to write, but perhaps when I'm more coherent.

One Week

One week!!  This time next week I'll be on a train to my friend where we'll hang out for the day then go pick W. up.  Wow.  A week.  I can't believe it.  I really, really can't.

And it can't come soon enough.

To top it off, this week will be extra torture; his computer's in the shop and we have no Skype.  We tried Google Hangout, but his sound wasn't working; he could hear me but I couldn't hear him.  Let me tell you how interesting that conversation was (a mix of voice, mime, hand-written notes and mirrors)!   He was so cute though; he tried to make it work before we gave up and went back to IM.

6 sleeps.

Clarifying (Easy) Assumptions

So I meant to do this in my last post, or at some point in the recent past...

When I count down, I'm actually counting down to a day before he's actually here.  He started the whole counting down business (he even found a site that counts down the days, hours, minutes, seconds.. God love him) and it's counting down *his* time, till he gets on the plane (he's 6 hrs ahead).  I'm counting down along with it, cause, let's be honest, time's not going to exist when it comes to that point.  The day or two previous will be a big blur.  And sleepless.  So he's coming on (our) 13th, early evening.

So.. today we're counting 12 days till he gets here (when for me it's really 13).  Just nod your head and smile and go along with it :)

12 days!!!!  Under two weeks!  Oh my goodness...

Counting Down

14 days!!!

Yup!  TWO WEEKS!

Woo!

Counting Down

17 days!!!!

Forgot to Mention...

24 days :)

35 Days

Just over a month.  Eek!

I'm starting to plan our itinerary (this awful OCD side of me that needs to plan everything, which makes W. and I a perfect compliment because he's a "go with the flow/no plans" kind of guy) and plan meals (c'mon, you know I gotta bake some magical goodness to woo him) ;)  When I'll work (yes, I have to for a couple days because money has yet to grow on trees and which I'll regret every second I'm in that damned hospital), when to visit family, friends... and most importantly when to have time to ourselves.  There just won't be enough time.

*sigh*

Oh, and let me tell you about my paperwork.  A (very long emotional) story short, it took 3 calls to the Netherlands two days ago to get done in an hour what could have been easily done 2 months ago.  I.. can't even deal with how that all happened.  The Hague seems to be full of incompetency which makes me very nervous as I think it'll be them who'll be processing my citizenship and passport request.  I got more (and friendlier!) progress from a smaller municipality than I did the government's central hub.  But what do I know.  It's all over and hopefully this week I'll be in Toronto filing my paperwork.

I started going through some of my things, but I have a loooot more to do.  I don't even know where to begin.  I don't know what I'll need over the next few months or what I can do without.  The selling of things is going very slow which also doesn't help.  I want this stuff out of my apartment.

I think I gave up learning Dutch for Lent.

Oh!  So my landlord wanted to come in and take pictures of my place so he can post it online and I tidied up the best I could, but there's not much I could do with boxes and stuff all over the place cause.. y'know.. I'm moving.  Well, doesn't he come in, move some of my stuff and NOT PUT IT BACK.  I mean, even some things were staged (like random items on the stove).  A day later I'm still finding things that have been moved.  It's kinda creepy.

Babu; still trying to make arrangements for him.

Not much else to report.  Things are well otherwise.  Trying to balance life; stressful things with unstressful things (yoga, knitting, practicing Miserere for Easter/choir, time with friends) but sometimes it's hard and there aren't enough hours in the day.

How is your weekend going?  The weather outside is fantastic and I've shed the winter coat.  I might even go for a walk later.  I hope you're having an easy-going weekend, too.

:)

Counting down

.. 38 more days.

Eek!

Counting Down

43 days....

Counting Down

It's official; 47 days until W. visits :)

I have a feeling I'll be using this tag more than once.