Change of Course

I originally started writing this post yesterday or the day before and my emotions were at a bit of a low.  They've improved slightly so I am better to write today than before.

The past couple days has seen me change my priorities and course in life.  I was testing a recipe late last week and it didn't turn out (end product appearance wise, not taste-wise) and I kind of lost it.  The only thing I could worry about was how much money I was 'wasting' every time something didn't turn out.  Long story short... we don't have the funds right now for me to start a business and all it involves, so I will be actively looking for a job.  Speaking of which, I applied for a super one over the weekend that would be a perfect fit, so I'll ask for your prayers and positive thoughts, please!! :)  The job closed yesterday, so we'll see after that.

I'm sad with this change, though.  I feel as if I'm leaving yet another dream behind.  It scares me.  I don't want to get lost in another dead-end job, just trying to get by, trying to figure myself and life out, hoping to make enough money to make ends meet (well really, anything would be more than I'm making now) and just clocking enough time until retirement.  I'm scared I'll never come back to it again. Perhaps if that's what's meant to be, I should accept it.  Will I ever stop baking?  No.  I love it too much.  Will I still test recipes to use for sale?  Definitely... but when I'm ready and don't feel the stress of "if it doesn't work out, there's another x-€ down the drain".  Yes, I know every time I bake it's a learning experience.. blah blah blah.. but it doesn't take away what was bothering me at the core.  Since I've changed my thinking I feel a lot lighter and I have more headspace now for other things that have been also a priority (language, finding a job, etc), so it was the right decision.  We're making other cost-cutting ideas and putting them into place, one of which is me holding my membership at the gym.  That also made me sad because I am afraid I might not see my friend as often (we meet twice a week), but we share the same concern so I think we'll schedule time together outside of that. It will also force me to channel my efforts elsewhere to fill the need to be social. There is an organization I've been meaning to get in contact with for volunteering, so hopefully that will turn out.

W. has a birthday coming up on the 20th. I believe he shares a birthday with our friend W.W ;)  I have an idea what I might get him, but I'm not sure what to bake for him. Wait.. I think I have an idea.  *drums fingers together evily*

Everything else is fine.  The weather today is dreary, raining off and on.  Spring and summer - a state of perpetual hair frizziness.  #welcometotheNetherlands

The 4th saw Dodenherdenking (or Remembrance Day) and the 5th saw us with Bevrijdingsdag (or Liberation Day).  We went to a big party in a biiiiiiig park (think the entire square footage of Guelph University campus) where there were multiple music acts and stuff going on. I took a couple pics and can try to post sometime.  The crowds were so much we had to leave, I just coudn't do it anymore.   

Mother's Day on Sunday and we're heading with W's parents to Kruidhof. It's a botanical garden place (all outdoors, I believe) one town over.  I've never been but it seems pretty.  If you click the link and scroll down there's a video (you won't understand it but it's nice to watch) and there's a tab at the top to select English, though you don't get the whole site, just a condensed synopsis.  I believe if you run a foreign language page through Chrome it'll interpret it for you.

I'm already planning my one-year party - July 4th, except we're going to hold it on Sunday the 6th in the afternoon.  I will be sending out an email soon asking people to reserve the date.

Well, I have a lot of language I want to practice today before choir, so I better get moving.  Almost the end of the week.  Hope it's been good to you!