I don't know who, if anyone knows, but I suffered from depression in my teens. It was an awful time. Met a therapist who, God love her, was fantastic. She taught me a lot. Said depression came and went over the years. Subsided for (most of) the time I was in G-town, but it's decided to rear it's ugly head lately. Two years being out of work, reduced funds and almost no social life will do that to ya.
Except...
Except now I saw it a *lot* more easily than I used to before. Not only was I aware it was/is happening, but I now have the tools to properly deal with it. It's funny, cause I think back in the day when I used to have it (when I was younger) and I had no idea what was happening; how to sort through my thoughts and feelings, how to approach it holistically and not by medication (to be fair, there was only one time I medicated), how *not* to think I was crazy.
Now?
Now I know I'm not crazy (okay, maybe that's still open for debate...teehee). Now I know how to approach mindfulness, either through quiet time, meditation or prayer. Now I know that by controlling my diet and activity, my energy and my body are a bit more relaxed. Now I know how important self-care is.
That's a lot to be thankful for.
The external circumstances haven't changed, but my outlook towards them has. The big message the universe is drilling through me is 'gratitude'. It's been happening for a while now; I'll always find something to be thankful for, even in the worst of situations, but it's continual now. Find gratitude. Find gratitude. Find gratitude. I almost feel this is my life purpose and I'm to bring this way of thinking to others. I'm only partly joking.
Find gratitude, and you will have (be given? I'm not sure of the right term here) grace. Grace, in turn, will continuously flow back to you.
Oprah once said, "Be grateful for what you have, and you will attract more to be grateful for." I whole-heartedly believe this. Why? Because it's proven itself in my life time and time again.
Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days. Sometimes our personal life situations (which in themselves are stressful, especially lately) are too much and I'm in tears. But I no longer 'wallow' in self-pity and sit and nom at a batch of cookie dough. I feel shitty for a day, maybe I cry, I move on... because now I know no other way. I've trained myself so well that I can't do that (wallowing) anymore in good conscience. I'm stronger than that and I know I deserve more than that. And I know those around me deserve more than that, too.
It's funny (though not at the time) that it sucks, cause when I'm low, I hate that I know I'm still strong. Sometimes you still want to bury yourself under a pile of blankets, not exist, eat a tub of Ben & Jerry's and feed into the self-loathing. Unfortunately that's too easy and I'm someone who likes a challenge. You just gotta keep on keepin' on.
We've also been sugar-free for over a month now and I wanted to do a blurb on the new opinions I've been having about the type of diet to have (not just me, but everyone), but perhaps when I find more time I will write another post.
Be well, people. Do something special for youself this weekend (an hour of quiet time sans kids? A walk through a city garden? Buy that one thing for the house you've had your eye on for a while? ). Then after you do that, pass it on and do a Random Act of Kindness for someone else. That'll make you feel good, too :)
