I write to you troubled today, dear reader. I have been brought to the ultimate juxtaposition in my current life (stage).
It's proving very quickly that my body is not ready for this job. More specifically, my body and current health status are not ready for 11-hour days (which turn into 13(!) with commute). Aside from my current health issues, I'm just recuperating being off work sick for a week. I had a cold from hell and some sleepless nights (admittedly, due partly to anxiety). The last shift I worked before falling ill (overnight) was 11 hours. That did me in. My body was trying to tell me something (and has been since, in other ways!).
I said I'll be able to return Wednesday this week. I was warned they will be long days, at 10-12 hours each. Maybe they can let me keep 9 hour shifts. Maybe I can start off slow and ease into it until I'm used to everything.
The problem is... in the food industry, this isn't acceptable. The food industry has a pretty big macho, "Suck it up or get out" mentality. There's no half-assed. There's no doing things only half way. There's little to no "meeting in the middle".
This isn't the only industry who has mandatory long days. Healthcare is another prime example. Nurses work 12 hours and doctors even longer. It's ironic that positions in the health industry aren't condusive to good health, but I digress. I don't think it's healthy to demand so much of ourselves while we're serving others. Long shifts don't benefit anyone; you get tired and mistakes are made. I realize these are my values and not the industry's. How do we find time for ourselves (also important for personal health and well-being) and our family? Why are we making it okay to just get up, go to work, come home and eat and go to bed - day after day? How does someone with chronic health issues work in an industry they enjoy that otherwise wants to shut them out?
So... how does one work in an industry they enjoy when it clashes with one of their values? Such a big question with a seemingly impossible answer. But there has to be a way. I'm too stubborn to admit otherwise. I've always wanted to bake and I've always wanted to make a difference in the world with my baking - but I've never had the answer how. Maybe it's not the baking itself, but the path. Maybe I'm keeping my thinking too narrow.
I don't know. And I don't know if there's ever an answer for what I'm asking. I always want to jump 10 steps ahead; I know what I want in the end, but I never know how to get there. My creativity falls short along the way and then I lose momentum and it's gone.
Aaaaand..I'm losing battery on my laptop. I take that as a queue for dinner time.
I don't know if my rambling has made any sense. Maybe someone identifies with it (in which case, that'll be a miracle). Otherwise, I'll see you on the flip side :)