Last time I wrote it was about my dilemma about being sick, the long days, etc. I had to make a decision; return to work and stick it out, or leave and look for other avenues. I don't call it 'quitting' (that sounds so harsh, and I have not at all quit with what I want to do) but I do call it as I see it - not a great fit.
It wasn't an easy decision to make. I agonized over it. For days. In tears. You have no idea. But some of the hardest decisions we make with such anguish are great learning opportunities. And I don't just think for yourself, but for those on the other side, too. Your decision affects other people, even if you don't always see it. I'm sure there's a ripple effect that goes on. When I was making this decision, it felt like this: I might have felt 80-90% happy to work there, but there was that 10-20% of me that didn't like it on certain terms. While the 20% might have been 'smaller', it felt much heavier, and I can't explain why. One of those, you know there's a reason, you just can't put it into words.
I didn't return. At the end of the day, I didn't feel comfortable waiting for public transportation (bus and train) for over an hour and having it take me 2 hours to get home. If a shift was 12 hours, I would be having a 16 hr day with transportation. I would also be waiting for said transit late at night alone, and that didn't make me feel great either. I have been in touch with the chef since and he's been pulling 14-15 hour days. No thanks. I'm not at all sorry I left. I could leave certain criticisms, but it's not my business so I'll keep them to myself. I'm sad about it, don't get me wrong. We just have different values. They didn't mesh.
It was viewed by my former boss that I was 'giving up'. I believe this was the industry speaking, not her. She's very intelligent and likes to ask the right questions and challenge people. But I told you how it was, the industry is very unforgiving. But that doesn't mean that it's *all* cookie-cutter. There will be that one place that doesn't hold the same values or opinions of said industry and they'll be different. That's why it'll be a good fit, cause I'm different, too.
With my time off I've kept up certain momentum with my business. I've found someone who will help me create a website (yay!) in exchange for some baking (colour me grateful) and I've found the perfect box to ship my brownies. I'm writing content for the webpage and looking at other ideas for packaging to make it more presentable. It's really fun, getting to pick a team you want to work with and cultivating a product from beginning to end.
Otherwise I'm back in the jobbank pool. Slightly depressing, but I'm trying not to lose hope. I'm confident there's a better fit out there with better conditions. Think positive!