Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Reflection (and Technology Angst)

So.. I've had a case of information-overload, technology-induced anxiety (and I mean literal anxiety - to the point of shaking/being jittery).  The source of most of my mental problems right now revolves around my computer.  I kid you not.  I'm constantly putting off tasks (electronic, or otherwise) that I normally wouldn't put off.  I mean, I'm a pretty damn good procrastinator, but even this phase goes in the Hall of Fame for putting things off.  My apartment isn't as clean as it used to be; my dusting abilities are slacking,  things are disorganized, objects not resting at their proper home, papers not filed.  It's driving my OCD nuts!

The problem is I'm getting too much information and I don't know what to do with it.  It sounds silly in this age of technology that we're in; one would think that one would certainly be used to it by now.  The thing is, I don't want to be (used to it).  I don't want all the information.  I really DON'T need the CONSTANT updates on Facebook about every single thing my friends are doing, commenting, or 'liking'!  I really don't!  And to tell you, if I could quit Facebook tomorrow, I would!  I DON'T like that everyone can (likewise) see what I'm doing; there's no privacy.  Unfortunately, that's all anyone's tapped into these days, so if I want to know what's going on, or mass-communicate to my friends... Facebook's the only way to do it.  Not enough of my friends are on G+, unfortunately (which has more privacy/feed controls).  Then, say, there are new blogs I'm interested in, so I get feeds from them, or texts, the ever popular method of communication (and mine too, really, so it's hard to complain about this, though at times it can be excessive).  And so on, and so on.

When I was a kid, my dad was (and still is, really) in the technology sector.  Apple, to be exact.  The first computer the kids were allowed to play on was the Mac; and I mean, the little square one.  Remember those?  We'd play 'Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?' :)  The very first computer I owed was an Apple IIe (I was the first of all my friends to own a personal computer).  I loved and hated that computer at the same time.  So I'm saying... I've had a lot of time to adjust.  But the more time goes on, the more technology and information gathered and fed through computers, increases.

For a long time now I've wanted to live away from metropolises and be surrounded by nature instead of cars, buildings and city noise (though I can't complain in my current area).*  My 'getaway' place in my head is beautiful; I'll share it with you:  It's a log cabin, surrounded in a valley by mountains.  A river runs through the property and we (yes, 'we' ~ though don't ask me who the 'he' is in the 'we') have just a few animals; sheep (I magically learn how to shear, spin and knit), a cow for milking, cow for beef, a horse (though I don't *love* horses, so I'm not sure why I see one.  To go riding maybe?), a magically reproducing log pile for our fireplace inside.  I do everything on my little homestead (canning, etc) and we're far enough away from the city to have quiet, but close enough should we need essential items, emergency care, etc.  I don't see the world outside of the circle of mountains, though, just inside it :)  The Apocalypse would be going on and I wouldn't know :P  Oh, but I do need to mention - if you visit, please leave everything as it were; I'd hate for things to be out of place when I return ;)

So my point, short of rambling, is I need to somehow create my oasis until I actually get it.  I need to learn to shut off the computer, walk away and do something productive (and/or read one of the hundred books I have on the go).  I've been doing well on weekends I work, I usually won't turn it on; fortunately I can get email on my phone, so I communicate through that if absolutely needed.  There are new things I'd like to do to the apartment, so maybe I'll get around to those this winter.  Paint?  Hang different curtains?  We'll see.

So if I'm neglecting your email, please know that it doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you.  I totally am.  I am just in a state of avoidance.  It's not personal :)

* Though to confuse you further, there are times I love being in the city.  I've visited Toronto a couple times the past few months and part of me misses it (I used to live there).  I love the bustle, the energy, the having-everything-at-hand, the various people (oh there can be some interesting ones), etc, etc.  But as excited as I am to visit it, after a day I'm just as happy to leave.  I'm just not that person anymore.

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