Where do I start...
I'll begin by saying Sunday was great; Mass was good (though we botched one of the songs in choir.. ugh) and had a few laughs thanks to another choir member, then I met with my brother's girlfriend and I took us out for breakfast and I drove back home with her so I could visit with my parents. I've had an idea brewing the past few weeks and I needed to talk with them for their help and support.
I'll skip the semantics (and long story) about how the idea came into play, but the long and the short of it is that I'd like to open my own little restaurant here in town. When the idea occurred to me, it just felt *right*. A series of successive events unfolded to show me, what I believed to be a sign, of how things are/were going to go for this new path for me. To preface this, my parents are opening their second restaurant at the end of April. My idea was to come work for them - learn the business, receive proper and adequate coaching on managing, business operations etc so I would be prepped in a year/year & a half to open my own. I was SO excited about this new idea, I was ready to burst. It was hard for me not to discuss it with anyone (I only broached it with a few close friends for immediate feedback). The discussion has be had, so I can be open about it with the rest of the universe.
The idea in itself is foolproof and genius - what better way to learn the business but from the comfort and direction of family. Unfortunately, reality kicks in. Biggest obstacle: I don't have a car (their town is about a 20 min drive away) and to work the two jobs (I wouldn't drop the hospital) would be impossible without one. So I've been asking the universe to bring me a car. Though if God planted this 'wonderful' idea in my head, it's a wonder why He doesn't help me out a bit more (what? you mean I have to WORK for my dream? pish posh :P) <-- me being facetious. My bubble has burst a little bit, though I suppose it was expected. When we had the talk they asked a lot of questions - which I answered well (they might be my parents, but you could also think of it as a basic business meeting/interview. They're tough but their intentions are good; they just want to make sure I've thought everything through) because I had conviction in my idea. Downfall: they already have their staff (which I'd feared) and they have to watch their money (with the initial start-up), so they can't just hire me right away, even though I'm family. Not that I would expect them to! But I don't want you to think that just because we're family, I'll get special treatment, per se. Business comes first, right? As how I would run my own.
So.... it's not happening as easily (ha! silly me) or as quickly as I'd have preferred. But I'm going to try not to get down. When I told any immediate friends, they were *very* supportive and could see this is something that would fit well for me. So... I have to keep testing those convictions. F. suggested I go work in a kitchen close to home (there are a lot within a short walking distance) and get my bearings. I could do that, work in a different kitchen setting but now in the context of what I plan to achieve instead of just working for something I enjoy (or used to) or am doing to 'pass the time'... if that makes any sense. Is that something I want to do? Take up a second job? Do I want to work in a kitchen, even if it means starting with doing dishes? Am I ready to branch off from my security net? The last time I had a huge dream, it crumbled (and I'm not talking a couple buildings, but a massive earthquake). I'm scared to trust; I'll just come out and say it. I'm scared to trust The Path, I'm scared to trust The Process, I'm scared to trust myself and I'm scared to trust Him.
I wanted to acknowledge those fears, but it doesn't mean I won't go after my dream. Watch out world, there might be a new restaurateur in town.