Do I talk cryptic enough for you? Sorry.
I wish I could lay it all out on the line for you, dear reader, but I can't. I can't publicize it all (online), so you're stuck with my code.
I need to find the point where I can keep myself in certain relationships while maintaining (and expressing) my integrity. That's where I'm stuck. I'm not standing up for myself enough, but that comes from the post the other night - not seeing my self-worth or having faith in my confidence. I have confidence and self-worth about many things, but not about relationships. Not quite yet, anyways. I'm almost there, but I have more work to do. Ahh.. to grow up in a broken home. You know what, maybe it's best I'm not married yet. Growing up with four parents - 2 male figures, one of which abused me and another who was distant all the time (geographically and emotionally), I'm left to fend for myself. I'd hate for the same scenario to happen to a child of mine. So you know what, I'm not going to apologize for how I'm handling things. I'm not going to feel bad and be hard on myself for having to gather up all the pieces strewn over the years. I think I'm doing alright. Sure I have low moments, but who wouldn't; I have some serious internal re-wiring to do. I have a family now (my closest friends) who are supportive & show and give me love without question... and I'm pretty damn blessed. Some people should be so lucky.
So I'm gonna go to bed with my bad self and get some sleep. WHY I get more energy at 10:00 at night then I do through the entire day is beyond me. I did more in the past hour than I did all day. Go figure.
Keep your friends close. Thank whatever higher power you believe in, for them. Or you know what? Thank them yourself. Do something special for them or with them. I'm sure they wouldn't mind hearing how awesome they are and how