Human Nature

So... I've been thinking the past few days.  With this whole.. friends walking away thing.  It was total avoidance. Same as someone who left last year - avoidance.  People just try to quietly walk away, staying under the radar in hopes of escaping "confrontation".  Oh no, I said the 'C' word.  WHY do humans shy away from confrontation? What is it in how we were raised (by family, by society) to shy away from talking to our fellow man?  Anger gets in the way a lot, which overrides emotion.  We might fluff things up and dramatize them big enough in our head that we fear actually carrying it out will be worse.  We create 'whatever' scenario in our mind that makes shying away into a dark corner seem much more appealing.

But avoidance doesn't mean eluding confrontation.  I can prove this to you.

I heard a quote once that I absolutely love; "We create what we fear".  It's from Dr. Phil, of all people.  Anyways, by avoiding confrontation, indeed creates....confrontation.  With both of these friends, after having noticed we hadn't been in touch for some time, or knowing something was 'off' - I confronted them, which ended up bringing everything (or at least some stuff) out in the open to why there was a distance in friendship/communication, etc.

Now there are a lot of different factors.  I'll take accountability that a) I don't not-like confrontation. Hell, I almost seek it out sometimes.  Why?  Because I prefer honesty and b) each situation is different.  Yes, sometimes people fall away - it happens.  I'm just saying 'my' particular instances were causes of anger, resentment, built-up frustrations that weren't communicated when they should have been.

Am I so wrong to prefer honesty?  Yeah, those initial conversations can be rough, uncomfortable and awkward as all hell.  I've had 'em.  But you deal with the emotion and move on.  What a concept.

So try and be honest with someone if you haven't been lately.  Give them the benefit of the doubt; maybe they'll understand!  Humans have been given the greatest gift of all - compassion.  Go ahead.. test the waters :)

Changed Again

Hey all.  I've changed comment settings again (eliminating anonymous users), so please email me know if you have any problems or don't see your comment after posting.  Thanks!

I'm Back, Baby!

There's been another shift in the universe.  A small one.  One that's making me re-evaluate people around me which in turn makes me re-evaluate myself.

Another friend left me (boy, they're dropping like flies, aren't they?).  I'm not too heartbroken about this one.  Shocked at first and hurt & angry, but not heartbroken.  I totally have faith that there is a sort of...cleansing...going on.  Shed the old, make way for the new.  It happens, right?  We need to let go of what doesn't challenge (or nurture) us anymore and make way for new challenging, inspiring, caring people who will support us, understand us, in good times and bad.  Sometimes it's not even about support, it's just about being challenged; having a good intellectual conversation or two.

That's it!!  I don't remember the last time I've had a really good, really deep challenging, intellectual conversation!  Hot damn.  I "knew" this was missing, for quite a while, but... I'd never put a voice to it.

And really, I'm getting very tired of being so depressed and negative and being a victim over all the crap that's been happening - friends leaving, my arm injury, things with the ex (actually, that's been quiet for quiet a while, so I should enjoy the quiet and bite my tongue before it comes up again), low energy, no energy, other health problems, stress at work because of said arm injury, faith, no faith, hard-to-find faith.  Aaaaaaaaaaargh!  ENOUGH!!  I'm stronger than that and better than that!  Where's my fighting spirit?!  Where's my, "I'm gonna kick everyone's ass" attitude? (for those that don't 'know' me, have faith - I can be quite brute, but it's all in good nature).  That's why I created this blog!  Okay, not the sole reason (and I do wish to have these 'conversations' in real time with 3D people but it's obviously not happening).  A) It's therapeutic, b) I wanted to say things people might think but not always say (I've been told I do this but I'm shy here and I'm still challenging myself to do it more here) and c) I wanted to initiate discussion on topics that were important to me and perhaps to other people. I want to learn from you!  Yes you!  I want to hear what *you* have to say!  *I* want to be challenged... so challenge me!

Phew.. all of that felt good.  Don't get me wrong - I still need support.  I'll still need to be reminded.  But I realize it's mostly up to me (and maybe a few prayers to the Big Guy for strength wouldn't hurt, either).  So if you see me falling, don't be afraid to call me on it.  I'll just need a gentle pick-me-up (or a kick in the arse, whatever you prefer) ;)

This weekend will be relaxing for me.  I dictate it so.  It started with a trip to market and I'll surround myself with friends and remember to take some time for myself.  Read.  Go for a walk enjoying this beautiful weather.  Turn my music up really loud.

What will you be doing this weekend?  Whatever you do, I hope it's great, it's with people you love and you get to relax.  We all deserve that.  Happy Saturday!

Quotes

We need silence for a lot of reasons.  We need silence to try to understand who we are, to develop our true selves, to be honest with ourselves.  We need silence to stay open to the inner voice, the voice of the universal spirit.
~ Cecile Andrews, writer

New Look

Well.. what do we think of the new look?  It's still not perfect and I can't get things to move around where I want them (Blogger's layout setup is ridiculous) but I've got a pretty new page with most of the components I need.. so this makes me happy :)

Well, At Least There's This...

Everything seems to go to shite all at once for me.  But hey.. it's Friday.  Fridays are pants-optional! :)

Happy Friday everyone!

Quotes

We have stories to tell, stories that provide wisdom about the journey of life.  What more have we to give one another than our "truth" about our human adventure as honestly and openly as we know how?
~Saul Rubin, American rabbi

Changes

Bear with me while I make changes. I attempted to use a software program to change my layout - and it messed EVERYTHING up, so I'm trying to get things back to normal. Thanks for your patience :)

Oh, Those Germans...

Can I tell you how much I covet this 'fireplace'?

Updates

I'm going to attempt a post.  My wrist is sore, so I'll probably be taking intermittent breaks.  I hope it doesn't sound 'choppy'.

My arm has gotten worse, hence the strict physio restrictions.  I dropped going to the chiro and started physio last week and have been going every day.  I think it's helping!  I've been doing my exercises and they've been going okay, too.  I'm learning what my threshold is (at work and home) and try not to exceed past that.  This whole thing has taken over my life, though and it's weird.  My schedule's changed to days (from afternoons), I go to physio after work for an hour, I do exercises 3 times a day, plus heat (lots of heat!).  Everything revolves around my arm.  Things I do, or can't do (I need help with groceries, etc).  I was having a hard time with it at first, but things have started evening out, so I think I'm able to wrap my head around things again.

I've been working on the midterms of my courses.  The Communications course was a breeze, no struggle at all, but the Institutional Food Worker course is kicking my ass.  I'm really struggling.  Any positive thoughts sent this way would be REALLY appreciated :)

Life sans pill is going very well.  Not many changes worth noting yet, but I'm sure that'll change in the next 2-3 months.

I gave up coffee for Lent.  Yes, you read that right.  Well, 'gave up' as in limiting myself to one coffee a day from 2-3.  It's been a challenge!  I don't know if this is a by-product, but I've been craving chocolate up the wazoo.  Everything has to be chocolate.  Chocolate is consumed on a daily basis :)

Oh right... sleep apnea.  Remember that theory?  The other night I caught myself gasping for air - twice.  It was scary.  The first time I caught myself, woke up and it went away just as quickly, but the second time I was literally gasping for air.  It just lasted a few seconds (felt like forever), but it was scary.  It's only 19:30 and I'm tired and ready for bed.  This would explain it.

I think that's all I have to say for now.  Oh, there were some observations and thoughts from my "Fate of Family Farming" book, but those will have to wait for next time.

Hope you had a great weekend!