Saturday, March 6, 2010

I'm Back, Baby!

There's been another shift in the universe.  A small one.  One that's making me re-evaluate people around me which in turn makes me re-evaluate myself.

Another friend left me (boy, they're dropping like flies, aren't they?).  I'm not too heartbroken about this one.  Shocked at first and hurt & angry, but not heartbroken.  I totally have faith that there is a sort of...cleansing...going on.  Shed the old, make way for the new.  It happens, right?  We need to let go of what doesn't challenge (or nurture) us anymore and make way for new challenging, inspiring, caring people who will support us, understand us, in good times and bad.  Sometimes it's not even about support, it's just about being challenged; having a good intellectual conversation or two.

That's it!!  I don't remember the last time I've had a really good, really deep challenging, intellectual conversation!  Hot damn.  I "knew" this was missing, for quite a while, but... I'd never put a voice to it.

And really, I'm getting very tired of being so depressed and negative and being a victim over all the crap that's been happening - friends leaving, my arm injury, things with the ex (actually, that's been quiet for quiet a while, so I should enjoy the quiet and bite my tongue before it comes up again), low energy, no energy, other health problems, stress at work because of said arm injury, faith, no faith, hard-to-find faith.  Aaaaaaaaaaargh!  ENOUGH!!  I'm stronger than that and better than that!  Where's my fighting spirit?!  Where's my, "I'm gonna kick everyone's ass" attitude? (for those that don't 'know' me, have faith - I can be quite brute, but it's all in good nature).  That's why I created this blog!  Okay, not the sole reason (and I do wish to have these 'conversations' in real time with 3D people but it's obviously not happening).  A) It's therapeutic, b) I wanted to say things people might think but not always say (I've been told I do this but I'm shy here and I'm still challenging myself to do it more here) and c) I wanted to initiate discussion on topics that were important to me and perhaps to other people. I want to learn from you!  Yes you!  I want to hear what *you* have to say!  *I* want to be challenged... so challenge me!

Phew.. all of that felt good.  Don't get me wrong - I still need support.  I'll still need to be reminded.  But I realize it's mostly up to me (and maybe a few prayers to the Big Guy for strength wouldn't hurt, either).  So if you see me falling, don't be afraid to call me on it.  I'll just need a gentle pick-me-up (or a kick in the arse, whatever you prefer) ;)

This weekend will be relaxing for me.  I dictate it so.  It started with a trip to market and I'll surround myself with friends and remember to take some time for myself.  Read.  Go for a walk enjoying this beautiful weather.  Turn my music up really loud.

What will you be doing this weekend?  Whatever you do, I hope it's great, it's with people you love and you get to relax.  We all deserve that.  Happy Saturday!


Bix said...

Love your new design. Congrats. It's hard to get these things to work.

Perovskia said...

Thanks! Yeah, I was starting to pull my hair out. I'm glad I found something compatible.

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