It's been a quiet, dreary weekend. Nothing but rain, save for the snow/sleet we had last night. That was a surprise. You know when temps start to warm up you're going to get that "one last snow", you just never know when it is. Hopefully that was it.
I just went to put my heat pad/bean bag thing in the microwave to heat it up to put on my shoulder, where I found the coffee I'd re-heated this morning for breakfast. Oops. And I just made a tea. I'm re-heating the coffee again :) I can have tea later.
Mass was interesting last night. Not interesting so much as the service, but the things that were going through my mind during it. I know, not paying attention, bad me. It happens to the best of us. Anyways, the gospel was about the Prodigal Son*. I'm really not entirely sure what started this thought process, but I came to realize I don't really know my father and my heart sank and I felt...well, I can't really say. Sort of a combination of alone, isolated, lowly. My parents split when I was 3 and I went and saw him every-other weekend (but it was just weekends and I was a kid and I was busy hanging with my siblings, not talking to my father). Then, when I got older, it became less. Now, we just see each other a few times a year, even though we're only 20 min apart. When he was diagnosed with cancer a year or two ago (he's in remission now, no worries), it became very clear very quickly I won't always have him around. I want to get to know my father. We don't talk much. Emails are short, phone calls are even shorter and awkward. We don't quite know what to say to each other (we're both quiet, reserved people, so it doesn't help). We've always had a sort of distance between us; sort of a wall. We don't mean for it to be there, it just is. So... I'd like to overcome that wall. I just.... don't know how. If you've ever had to do anything like this, suggestions are more than welcome.
Also during service, during some announcements, I heard one of my old patients passed away. My heart sunk again and I sat in a few silent tears. Audrey was an older lady, say around.. 80-some. Sweet as pie. She was in for a while and I got to know her a little. I knew she liked ice cubes with the drinks I brought her in the evening and made an effort to do so (and she was always very thankful). We got to talkin' and she was a very devout Catholic (she was transported to a different room one day and I'd asked her where her beads were and she'd mis-placed them, so I went to the Chapel in the hospital and got her a new rosary. It made her really happy). We talked about prayers, minor things going on in our lives. She told me she was being transported to another local hospital for palliative care. I wasn't sure what was wrong with her but "the news isn't good," she said. So we'd pray for each other. She knew bad things were happening and although you could tell she was sad about it, sort of internally dealing with it all, she kept her strength in her faith and I believe that carried her through. So I'm going to use Audrey as an inspiration. I'll try to keep my head up and I'll try to remember to lean on my faith when times get tough. If she can do it after everything she's been through at 80, I can do it now.
*The Prodigal Son is a story of a man who had two sons. The oldest stayed and cared for his part of the (divided) land. He remained responsible, obedient, etc. The youngest took his share, sold it and spent it on dissolute living. When he'd spent everything he had and reached the bottom, he decided to return home back to his family, realizing he'd sinned against his father 'and against heaven'. The father welcomed him with open arms and there was a party. The older son was angry and couldn't understand why, if he'd been so obedient, he didn't receive 'the best robes' and 'fatted calf' (feeling hurt and indignant). The father explained he is family and 'what's mine is yours' but they had to rejoice with the younger son coming back because he 'was dead and came back to life and what was lost is found' (he's a valued and treasured member of the family).