Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Human Nature

So... I've been thinking the past few days.  With this whole.. friends walking away thing.  It was total avoidance. Same as someone who left last year - avoidance.  People just try to quietly walk away, staying under the radar in hopes of escaping "confrontation".  Oh no, I said the 'C' word.  WHY do humans shy away from confrontation? What is it in how we were raised (by family, by society) to shy away from talking to our fellow man?  Anger gets in the way a lot, which overrides emotion.  We might fluff things up and dramatize them big enough in our head that we fear actually carrying it out will be worse.  We create 'whatever' scenario in our mind that makes shying away into a dark corner seem much more appealing.

But avoidance doesn't mean eluding confrontation.  I can prove this to you.

I heard a quote once that I absolutely love; "We create what we fear".  It's from Dr. Phil, of all people.  Anyways, by avoiding confrontation, indeed creates....confrontation.  With both of these friends, after having noticed we hadn't been in touch for some time, or knowing something was 'off' - I confronted them, which ended up bringing everything (or at least some stuff) out in the open to why there was a distance in friendship/communication, etc.

Now there are a lot of different factors.  I'll take accountability that a) I don't not-like confrontation. Hell, I almost seek it out sometimes.  Why?  Because I prefer honesty and b) each situation is different.  Yes, sometimes people fall away - it happens.  I'm just saying 'my' particular instances were causes of anger, resentment, built-up frustrations that weren't communicated when they should have been.

Am I so wrong to prefer honesty?  Yeah, those initial conversations can be rough, uncomfortable and awkward as all hell.  I've had 'em.  But you deal with the emotion and move on.  What a concept.

So try and be honest with someone if you haven't been lately.  Give them the benefit of the doubt; maybe they'll understand!  Humans have been given the greatest gift of all - compassion.  Go ahead.. test the waters :)


hydra said...

OMG, this so relevant to me right now. I have two friends I need to confront and I keep putting it off and putting it off. Yes, it's fear - fear of their reaction, anger, rejection. It never enters their mind that perhaps they might react in a sympathetic, understanding way because, in my experience, confrontation has meant rows, even violence. I am meek (=weak?) by nature and want my pond unrippled.

Perovskia said...

Okay, first, you guys seem to use the word 'rows'. Can you please explain what this word means. We don't use it, so I can't understand its context :)

Second, try and talk to your friends. It's VERY easy to be conditioned by your past (ack! violence?). But what if you try something different? What if you opened your mind and tried approaching things differently than you used to? Remember, you're not the same person you were ten years ago. Be polite, assertive but respectful and always try to be empathetic - they have feelings, too (but you knew this).

Ripple the pond! What are you afraid of? :)

Copyright Text