Friday, July 17, 2009

Mortality

My own mortality has been challenged lately. It started when I found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer last year (he's doing well, btw), with a friend and her worsening cancer; just things around me are coming up more often than not. Perhaps it just keeps coming up more because I'm getting older (but still, I'm not *that* old).

Death has always been around me; I went to funeral, after funeral, after funeral when I was young. I joked with my mother at one of them that I should get my name engraved on a gold plate on one of the chairs 'cause we were there so often. Then today I got thinking about Nathan. Nathan was someone I grew up with from the age of 6. He killed himself when we were 14. We had just started dating; I was so crazy about him. I don't know what made me think of him today. I miss him.

Right.. back to my mortality. It comes up in my head now and then when I think of my immune system and how incredibly lousy I've been feeling the past year. My health is getting worse and I don't know what to do to make it better. I don't know what one does with these thoughts. Is the universe asking me to prepare? Is this common?

Well, I'll keep coasting along, I guess.

2 comments:

bambi said...
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bambi said...

Keep on keeping on. Feeling lousy can bring us down so far, yet my mom once gave us all a quote once. Don't know who to credit for it but...

When you don't want to get out of bed, think of those who can't.

I pray that God brings you to know a doctor who is not only a good diagnostician, but who has the care for their patients that you need. I too had a friend that committed suicide. He had planned on being a priest and was such a wonderful individual. I felt it he could do it, so could I. I survived and felt him with me for a very long time. One day I went to sit in the dark, empty church and suddenly realized I could never contemplate suicide again. At that moment, I literally felt him to be 'free'. I felt he had helped me see how wrong we were and could finally go 'home'.

When we think of someone, always say a quick prayer for that person. That they will know His peace and love and feel the wings of angels wrapped around them.

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