I'm not sure where to start this post. I guess I'll start by saying I had a hard time sleeping last night. Well, I think I fell asleep okay, but I woke up at 4am for some reason and couldn't get back to sleep for a while. The days events kept running through my mind.
When I was standing in line at the drug store yesterday I read the headlines on the front of the current Oprah magazine, one of which containing, "Coming Into Your Own". Which is exactly how I've been feeling lately. When I first started my 30's, it was fabulous. I had confidence. I wasn't afraid to speak out. I was bolder. But as the years progress, I feel more like an awkward 12 year old, than a brave, confident 30-something. I've lost my groove. I've been carving out my niche in the world career wise, but when it comes to personal relationships (friends and otherwise) there's lots of change going on, I see. What once used to fit, doesn't anymore. Some friends and I have parted ways the past year; some to my doing, but mostly not. I understand this happens and it's not *that* that I have a problem with. I start to question myself. Is it something I'm doing? Yesterday was filled with me saying all the wrong things at all the right times, so maybe it's incidences like that. I don't know. I feel uncomfortable. I feel.. like I don't know what to say anymore. I feel like I want to bury my head in a hole and let the world pass by while I figure this out. Even when I think I'm saying the right thing, I question if I should say anything at all. I don't know how else to explain it. I just feel... awkward.
I tried to do a couple things last night for myself while I had a quiet night in. I baked. Y'know what? Even my baking, I find, reflects my moods. When I try to bake when I've had a less than stellar day, my end product isn't as great as when I do have a good day. It's interesting, because I don't do much different. I did have a nice hot relaxing bath, though. That was nice. Did some Psalm reading before bed, too, so that helped.
Anyways, that's my babble for today. Thank goodness this week's almost over. I have the weekend off and I plan to relax (and study).