I don't know where to start today. My head's all over the place.
The past 2 days have been miserable. A little stressful (when I say a little I probably mean a lot). Random bursts of tears are broken into at any given moment. I really hope today is better; I can't take another day of this. The day I start to go through "the change" isn't a day soon enough. This hormone stuff is b.s. (understand it's just a partial contributor, not the entire factor). And I just.. don't know what to do to make it all... better.
I had a few thoughts about my IBS the past couple days. It's a pattern I recognized last fall (and changed for the better). I've had my IBS a long time.. easily 10 years, if not more. I noticed, though, that I got so used to the way my stomach treated me (or first, how I treated my stomach). (Side note: my GI (doc) would be upset with me using 'stomach' as the definitive term for my problems, when the stomach is not the anatomy that bothers me at all, it's the colon. So for all intense purposes we'll just call it my G.I tract). So, moving on...
Last fall I recognized I sort of got used to the 'abuse' my body was causing me. If I was having a good week, I would (subconsciously, mind) eat something bad to trigger up my G.I tract again. It's funny psychology, I know. I got so used to a certain 'way'. Even though it wasn't the 'right way', I just accepted it as the norm. It was normal for me to have 3 attacks a week. I just groaned and accepted it. I never thought to challenge it.
So I smartened up a bit and started eating a lot better (diet, it turned out, was a big factor. I always knew my 'triggers' but its a full circle). I started eating more whole foods, less processed foods and less caffeine (although that was already pretty low; I haven't drank pop in a very long time and I just have my coffee in the morning and tea at night). A big difference. Then I came across these great probiotics and I was almost having a normal G.I tract. It was amazing. For the first time in 10 years. But then Christmas rolled around, I snuck in a few too many sweets, haven't touched the probiotics and have been eating so-so. I'm trying to get my discipline back again but I've lost the momentum. I think I'm going to break down and buy the probiotics, though. After I pay my bills, I'll see where I'm sitting and give it a shot.
So, with recent events happening and the stress I'm under, I'm trying to take it easy. I haven't had coffee in two days. I'm not consuming anything high in sugar. I'm keeping up on my sleep. But none of it seems to be helping.
Anyways, I'm gonna go putter around the apartment. Try and keep busy or something. It looks a little dreary out today, but hope everyone's having a good start to the weekend.