Quotes

Today is life - the only life you are sure of.  Make the most of today.  Get interested in something.  Shake yourself awake.  Develop a hobby.  Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you.  Live today with gusto.
~ Dale Carnegie (American writer and lecturer, 20th century)

Quotes

Give what you have.  To some it may be better than you think.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I Broke It

I broke my Lent.  I had bacon today with brunch.

And it was glorious.

To be fair, today's a Feast day, so if I understood CZ yesterday, I am allowed.  I wanted to try it, really, because my stomach has not been doing well still, for the past couple weeks and I've been wondering if it's per lack of protein.  Today I'll make a heavy protein day and see what happens (so far it's been positive!).  I've already had half my usual protein.  CZ reminded me that sometimes we do things for ourselves even though we have the best of intentions of doing it for ourselves or for other people (me: giving up meat for dietary reasons, dedicating it to T.) but perhaps what I needed to give up was my pride (realizing I may not be able to go without meat because it's hurting my system too much.  Did any of that make sense?).  That was a hard pill to swallow (what? I'm human to a fault).  Today had been 16 days without meat.  If today continues to go well, I'll have to experiment if I can keep high protein without meat and have the same results, or if I will in fact have to program meat back in.  We'll see!

What else do I need to write about...

I'm finally starting to detox, de-stress and relax.  Of course, the time I do this, my vacation week is almost over and it's back to work Monday.  I will do my best to adapt to a laisez-faire sort of attitude and relax with what time I have left.  There might even be baking today!

Yesterday was nice catching up with a couple of friends I haven't seen in a while, and brunch with one today. I wonder if that's what started to help me unwind - human connection.  Good 'ol girl time.

Today will be filled with bookkeeping and finances.  I need to get my taxes done and do some budgeting and figure out what I really can afford to take on as far as vehicular expenses go.  Wish me luck.

Doctors.  Bloody, bloody doctors.  I hate them all.  I went to see my obgyn yesterday to discuss screening for endometriosis (per my app't with the GI thinking we may need to investigate that).  Well, she doesn't go "looking for it" and she threw me in the classification of "well, everyone has pain during their cycle" and "everyone's bowels are affected by their cycle".  Really?  I must not be the same cause when I gave her an analogy of the pain I'm having, she was a bit taken aback.  So, I can see this is going to go well.  Can you imagine?  My IBS as a result of stupid endometriosis?  The con: treated with hormones, which I DON'T want.  Anyways, I can rant forever about this and I don't want to right now, so... sorry 'bout that.

Canada will be going into election territory in May.  We're displeased.  The current government is toppling and we don't want Mr. Harper in power anymore, yet no one wants to go to the polls (they're far too frequent here, I fear).  So this will be interesting.

Well, daylight's burning so I better get my shit done.  It's Friday!!  For some of you, that's a blessing, for those who work this weekend, sorry :(  Hang in there.  It's sunny here (though very cold), so try and enjoy the day!

Not A Usually Posted Quote...

Those opposed to METI argue that broadcasting signals into space announcing the location of Earth is tantamount to ringing a dinner gong for any carnivorous, colonizing or anti-social aliens who might be listening.  Although Earth would be a rather long way to go for lunch, some argue that the decision to take such a risk is not one for a handful of scientists.
~ Complements of The Economist business blog


......but I found it a bit entertaining :)

Quotes

Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.
~ St. Francis de Sales

How's your weekend going?  Are you having a good Saturday morning?  The sun is out here, despite the cooler temps.  There's nothing like Canadian weather where you're wearing your spring jacket one day and your hat and mitts the next - which, by the way, I refuse to put back on (hat, I mean).  Once you get a taste of that nice weather, it's just so hard!  The mitts I wore with abandon; I'll freeze my head, but not my hands.  I never said I made any sense.

I'm going to lay low for a bit; my emotions have taken a hit on several levels and I need to regroup.  

I wanted to share with you an interview in the Globe & Mail with Michael Pollan, before I go though.  If you're at all interested in the debate between Big Ag/Little Ag, or if you care where you food comes from, how society and agriculture meet, you might want to read this.  I think a few points have been articulated very well.

Also, my trip to market was very brief but enjoyable this morning (once I left the house; my health has not been well of late).  I got a few small bottles of maple syrup from my maple syrup guy that I'm going to mail out to a few friends (EL, LR) from fresh crop!  And I got one of those little maple syrup cones.  I can't even tell you the joy I had when I saw he had those.  It was my childhood re-lived.  My day is complete after consuming one of those little cones of gold.  Mmmm... maple syrup.  

Be well.. and have a great weekend!  

A Glorious Morning

First I don't blog for a week, then I blog every day.  I guess that's how it goes.

I got up a bit earlier than usual today (04:41 to be exact) and felt awake.  I knew if I went back to sleep I'd feel worse, so I stayed up.  I laid in bed, though, with my eyes closed and just thought about things.  I had some weird flashbacks of my childhood; things like singing in the main foyer of my public school with my Grade 4 (class and) teacher.  Or running errands downtown with my mom and seeing my Grade 2 teacher behind the library (when I was around 12, you couldn't get my head out of a book).  Why I was having these memories was beyond me.  Then I remembered a dream I had; JC had to go to the hospital and I went with him (the semantics of if I was already with him or if I had to purposely take him is lost).  I remember the staff, the stretcher, the waiting room, the doctor (none of it real-world familiar - it was all made up in dreamland).  I remember we were waiting for a doctor, then all of a sudden the doc had come and gone and I have a feeling I was left waiting without him, he'd already left.  Not entirely unresembling real-life feelings.  Random.

My alarm went off and I got up with my usual morning routine.  Wasn't feeling too bad this morning and left for Mass.  Walked down the street, crossed the lights and stopped dead in my tracks (I'm sure some people must have thought I was nuts).  Wait.  It's Thursday.  There's no morning Mass on Thursdays.  But, there wasn't evening Mass, either.  So that must mean it's at noon.  But I couldn't quite remember as I forgot to look at the schedule before I left the house (there's a different Lenten Mass schedule and I remember doing the same thing last year).  So I started to turn back.  Then I stopped again.  (Heh, if you're starting to worry if I'm losing it, you're not alone :P)  I ended up thinking that I'd go anyways since it's such a nice morning and have a walk, so I turned back around.  If there was no Mass, I'd keep walking, if there was, great.  So I got to the top of the hill (I'll take a picture of this for you some day) and as I suspected, no Mass.  So I kept walking.  Took the back way home (out near your neighbourhood, JK) and enjoyed nature.  The cardinals are out in full swing!  It's fabulous.  Oh, but the Canadian Geese are back and I swear this bird is the bane of my existence.  You don't understand my hatred for this bird (well I'm very sorry! but I almost got attacked by one at work!)  I had a very friendly, very vocal short-haired tabby say hello on my route.  He let me pet him for a bit :)  It was nice to have some quiet to just walk and think about things.  Oh how I miss the luxury of just being able to walk for hours.  My sugar was dropping as it was and needed to get back.

And here I am talking to you :)  The sun has been out and I think today's going to be fabulous.  Sadly I missed picking up a shift because I told a friend I'd watch her kid.  I didn't want to leave her stuck, so I kept my word.

Well, I think I'm going to catch up on some reading.  I'm 3 issues behind on my Canadian Business.  Tsk tsk. I know some of you are travelling today, please be safe.  And some of you are starting (theatre) shows, break a leg! (and sorry I can't come!)  And if you're working, don't forget to smile.  Wherever your Thursday takes you, be sure to have a happy one.

Lent FAIL

Just... fuck.

A friend came in from out of town and we went for our sushi.  We placed our first order; she got teryaki chicken and a couple handrolls and I got my first two handrolls.  She grabs some pieces of chicken and said I could have some.  I had my rolls, looked at the chicken, grabbed a couple.  Ate one.  Yum.  Ate two - and mid-bite I stopped, gasped, threw my hand up to my mouth and froze.

I failed.  My heart sunk.

Apparently my head wasn't with me today; I'm still used to the thinking of eating meat.  To my credit, since I didn't seem to be with it today, I also accidentally poured soy sauce into my green tea mug *blank stare*  Well, we had a few laughs about it at the time.. it was pretty funny.  I don't know what's going on with me.

There's a caveat: Sundays is a time of.. of... is there a name for it?  A day when you can have one of the things you've given up for Lent.  I never intended to use Sundays as a 'freebie'.. but I will have to get over today and just use my 'Sunday' today.  Makes sense, yes?

That's all.  Better luck next time.

Something Funny Is Happening

When I got sick last Sat. night, I wasn't *too* alarmed; obviously something I ate disturbed my insides.  It's nothing new (though I haven't reached that level of being sick in quite some time - I had to call in to work the next day. I also checked the ingredient list and nothing posed as any red flags).  But things haven't been the same since.  I still can't eat very much at one sitting and sometimes when I do I get pain in my abdominals.  I've had this before, but I can't remember why; I don't think my doctors and I could deduce anything from it at the time.  The funny thing is, even though I'm not eating much, my sugar hasn't severely dropped or have been having many bad spells.  When I feel I need to eat, I have a bite of something, or snack on a few nuts... and that'll do me.  It's like.. I'm changing.  I'd rather not be changing with pain, but whatever.  I wasn't able to make it to Mass this morning, which upset me a bit.  I was out the door and at the bottom of the stairs (I was quite defiant on going, despite the pain I was having) before I realized I wouldn't be able to go.  When I went yesterday at the 12:10 Mass, there were all these.. old people.  Heavens, there's more younger people at the 07:30 Mass than there is at noon.  Don't old people get up at like, the crack of stupid?  I didn't get it.  I was the minority - I felt so weird! Lord knows what we'll do when all the old people die in our church - they make up 3/4's of the congregation!

No-meat Lent is going well...until I sat across from a co-worker yesterday who was eating a burger.  Red.  Meat.  *wipes up drool*  I seriously couldn't look at her.  I'm like, "I'm not being rude, I just can't look at your burger".  lol.  The swearing?  Well, I'm making a conscious effort to reduce it, not quite eliminate it completely.

It's dreary here this morning, overcast with rain.  Supposed to clear up this afternoon and I'm looking forward to that as we attempt to reach 7*C.

I have a friend coming in from out of town today and we're going to (all you can eat) sushi.  Heavens, I don't know how I'm going to do "all you can eat" when I'm barely eating.  But, I love my sushi and it's vegetarian, so I'm all over that.

Next week I have some vacation time I'm using up and since I can't afford to go away, I'm staying home.  I have a TON of stuff to get done around the apartment, though.  Papers to file, old papers to shred, more things to get rid of (maybe) and perhaps some good old fashioned spring cleaning.  I can't tell you the last time I really got in and washed my windows, never mind my floor (don't judge - it's one of my least favourite tasks, but the OCD in me is starting to get a little twitchy).  I'll be doing some accounting and trying to figure out some numbers about my brothers car/leasing a car.

Babu's curled up on the ottoman, snoozing away.  I have some classical music playing and we're just vegging out.  I think I'll go tackle some dishes.

I'm Not AWOL

Hello!

I feel it's been forever since I've written.  I was afraid the internets wasn't out there anymore. So much has been going on...

Where do I start?  Well, lets start with the idea I had about this whole restaurant business.  It's still a current passion, though achieving it is no less an easy task.  It seems to be going at a minuscule rate.  I think I realize by my parents not saying anything to my request, are essentially saying no.  Why?  I'm not too sure yet and I'll broach that when the time is right.  On the upside, my brother is willing to sell me his car.  Bonus.  It's affordable, it might need some work, though, which I'm calculating.  I've applied to a bakery/cafe down the street, so I'm hoping for a second job - in the industry.  Having a car will help me get from A to B quicker than on feet.  The only downside of this car (to me), is that it's manual.  Ugh.  My city is so hilly that having a standard proves challenging (though not impossible, of course).  I've driven one before, but on back roads and parking lots; not on city streets (eek!).  But, it's a cool car so I'd be crazy not to take it.  As a side note, I've also been comparing leasing a new car - where repairs won't cost anything, as they would with an older vehicle.  But, the monthly payment would be higher than what I'd have to pay my brother (plus insurance, etc).  If I have a second job, I'm not at all worried about numbers, but I can't guarantee on that yet - unless miracles happen - fast.  So do I lease (new or used), which would cost me more a month but less in repairs, or buy my brothers which would cost less a month but possibly more in repairs?  I'm only looking at these two options (for various reasons that I won't go into at this point).

I have to write a separate paragraph for calling for insurance.. cause.. it was that special.  And when I say special, I mean frustrating.  I got asked like, 20 personal questions.  "You need this information for a quote?" I said.  Apparently.  I was on that bloody phone for almost half an hour (she was slow).  Do I want /something/ coverage for $1,000,000 or $2,000,000?  Do I want a $500 deductible?  $1000?  Do I want Accidental Forgiveness?  Theft coverage? Plus a whole new gamut of terms I'd never heard of or understand to a common degree.  Gah!  I don't know what all of this means!  And I don't even think 10 of me equals close to $1,000,000 - so I don't know what that's about.  And how do I know if I want the 500 or 1000 deductible on whatever option?  It was enough to drive me already-crazy.  So many new things to learn.

Babu is shedding like a mad fiend.

Anyways, with the restaurant idea, I'll willing to accept that life may take me in another direction.  I hope not; it's something I'd really like to do.  But things change.  Life changes.  I know what I *want* to do, but however that is executed may remain fluid.

Lent.  Vegetarianism is going quite well, actually, without much effort.  I'm a bit surprised.  But then, I'm barely a week in.  I'm starting to crave chicken a bit, I won't lie, but I try not to think about it too much.  I've looked in one of my books (The Enlightened Eaters Whole Foods Guide - a must-read. Very informative about nutritional information of food, listed and described at the beginning of the book) and I tagged a few recipes.  Hope to go shopping for them soon.  I'm anxious to try new recipes!  You'll be interested to know that since I've gone meatless, it's changed my approach to food.  I don't eat as much sweets as I did before.  I'm more conscious what I put in my body and try to make sensible choices.  I was, though, struggling a bit with my sugar ('was' because I got severely sick 2 nights ago and haven't had a normal appetite since, so I'm a little off track).  So I'd eat more, like one wants to when their sugar feels low, but then I'm over-eating, even if it's healthy, because I'm filling a ... false void, if you will.  So I don't know how to get around that one.  Oh, and my no-swearing rule for Lent is.. faulty at best.  I just might have to not observe it at work; there's so much frustration there some days I can't help it.

Y'know what I dislike?  What I REALLY dislike?  I mean.. it drives me crazy.  Ron Sexsmith's hair.  I'm not even lying.  I've had to look at it for the past few days on the CBC website (I listen to the online radio) and it's making me mental.  He has so much hair!  And it's a mess!  I just want to... grabs hunks of it and rip it off! Or at least give him a haircut!  Sheesh!   /rant

Very unfortunate what's going on in Japan.  I hope the world community keeps reaching out.

I want to dye my hair.  I dislike the grays coming in.

I'm trying to decide what I want to do (if anything) for my 35th birthday (in April).  35.  Eesh.

I have no men stories.  So sad.

Well, I can't think of anything else I need to write about.  Hope y'all are having a good Monday.  The sun's out here!  A pleasant surprise.  Heard it's supposed to reach 10*C mid-week, so definitely looking forward to that.

Quotes

All the answers you need are buried within you.  For just a moment let go of the anger, fear, guilt, shame and blame.  Focus all of your attention on the center of your being and ask yourself, "What is it I must learn?"  The longer you ask, the more sincere you are to know, the faster your answer will come.
~Iyanla Vanzart

The Last Supper

I can't decide what I want to have for my last-in-a-long-while meat dinner.  I feel like I'm planning my Last Meal.  You know, the last "whatever you want to have so make it a good one because you're in a jail cell and going to die of electric shock" last meal.  I've just made plans with JH and we're heading over to the pub across the street.  They have tons of meat dishes.  I can't wait.

At the same time, I just finished yoga and feel... cleansed (and feel odd stuffing meat into my body; something not so.... pure).  I accomplished the "impossible"; tonight I finally did a shoulder stand.  Something that was so difficult before (we've done this pose 3-4 times in the past and I never completed it) I told my instructor I was hell-bent on doing it and asked her to walk me through it (she's so awesome).  I did it, with minimal to moderate pain on my sacrum (we use a chair as a prop and my sacrum is uber sensitive to the touch). Yay!  I felt accomplished.  Even when I felt pain enough to want to get out of the pose, I just breathed and talked myself through it (similar to life, yes?).

...........................................................................................................

I just came back from the pub.  What an awful time deciding.  Holy cow.  Had french onion soup (beef broth) and OMG was it good.  Just..fantastic.  And chicken fingers.  They were delish, too.  Okay, so I might have to confess gluttony, but I don't care - that meal was worth it.  Oh, and a beer.  All of that and I'm ready to pass out.  I was going to have a bath tonight after that yoga class (I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow) but I can barely stand right now.  It'll be bed time soon.  I was going to write a lot more, but I fear I'm not alert enough to do so.

G'night :)

I Have A Dream....

Where do I start...

I'll begin by saying Sunday was great; Mass was good (though we botched one of the songs in choir.. ugh) and had a few laughs thanks to another choir member, then I met with my brother's girlfriend and I took us out for breakfast and I drove back home with her so I could visit with my parents.  I've had an idea brewing the past few weeks and I needed to talk with them for their help and support.

I'll skip the semantics (and long story) about how the idea came into play, but the long and the short of it is that I'd like to open my own little restaurant here in town.  When the idea occurred to me, it just felt *right*.  A series of successive events unfolded to show me, what I believed to be a sign, of how things are/were going to go for this new path for me.  To preface this, my parents are opening their second restaurant at the end of April.  My idea was to come work for them - learn the business, receive proper and adequate coaching on managing, business operations etc so I would be prepped in a year/year & a half to open my own.  I was SO excited about this new idea, I was ready to burst.  It was hard for me not to discuss it with anyone (I only broached it with a few close friends for immediate feedback).  The discussion has be had, so I can be open about it with the rest of the universe.

The idea in itself is foolproof and genius - what better way to learn the business but from the comfort and direction of family.  Unfortunately, reality kicks in.  Biggest obstacle: I don't have a car (their town is about a 20 min drive away) and to work the two jobs (I wouldn't drop the hospital) would be impossible without one.  So I've been asking the universe to bring me a car.  Though if God planted this 'wonderful' idea in my head, it's a wonder why He doesn't help me out a bit more (what? you mean I have to WORK for my dream? pish posh :P) <-- me being facetious.  My bubble has burst a little bit, though I suppose it was expected.  When we had the talk they asked a lot of questions - which I answered well (they might be my parents, but you could also think of it as a basic business meeting/interview.  They're tough but their intentions are good; they just want to make sure I've thought everything through) because I had conviction in my idea.  Downfall: they already have their staff (which I'd feared) and they have to watch their money (with the initial start-up), so they can't just hire me right away, even though I'm family. Not that I would expect them to!  But I don't want you to think that just because we're family, I'll get special treatment, per se.  Business comes first, right?  As how I would run my own.

So.... it's not happening as easily (ha! silly me) or as quickly as I'd have preferred. But I'm going to try not to get down.  When I told any immediate friends, they were *very* supportive and could see this is something that would fit well for me.  So... I have to keep testing those convictions.  F. suggested I go work in a kitchen close to home (there are a lot within a short walking distance) and get my bearings.  I could do that, work in a different kitchen setting but now in the context of what I plan to achieve instead of just working for something I enjoy (or used to) or am doing to 'pass the time'... if that makes any sense. Is that something I want to do?  Take up a second job?  Do I want to work in a kitchen, even if it means starting with doing dishes?  Am I ready to branch off from my security net? The last time I had a huge dream, it crumbled (and I'm not talking a couple buildings, but a massive earthquake).  I'm scared to trust; I'll just come out and say it.  I'm scared to trust The Path, I'm scared to trust The Process, I'm scared to trust myself and I'm scared to trust Him.

I wanted to acknowledge those fears, but it doesn't mean I won't go after my dream.  Watch out world, there might be a new restaurateur in town.

Quotes

Dare not to limit yourself to only knowing or doing one thing.  Take a chance by putting all you know to use.  Accept all invitations to do a new thing and when you do it, celebrate.  Move toward your wildest dream, take the labels off your mind and step boldly into your greatness.
~ Iyanla Vanzart

Upcoming Lent

Good morning, from an early Saturday!  Slept in a few minutes and was up at 0630 today.  I'm sitting with my oatmeal and it's about 7am.  I'll be heading to market soon to stock up for the next week.  I just can't wait for eggs! :)

Let me preface the rest of this conversation by saying Lent is just around the corner (commencing with Ash Wednesday next week).  Most people are quite familiar, but just in case... it's 40 days, from Ash Wednesday to Easter Monday.  One characteristically gives up something for Lent, to try to bring them closer to God (and if one is astute, uniting their suffering with His), but one can also "take up" something as well; perhaps by including a newer, more positive task they've been meaning to (having a better prayer life, dedicating more time to the needy, or what have you.  It can be anything).

The past 2-3 years I try to give up swearing (with another task I decide for that year).  For 40 days of the year, I try not to be a potty mouth.  Yes it sounds silly and I'm quite sure it is, but when you use expletives as much as I do for a simple stress relief, it gets quite challenging.  But my second task dawned on me in a very instant, dramatic sort of way last night (picture the heavens opening, a light shining down and the choral, "Aaahhhh" being heard) - I'm giving up meat for Lent.  Me.  Meat.  For Lent.  I mean, I have meat like, 3-7 times a week.  As much as I'm in shock over it, it feels right.  Here's why....

a) My health.  I've been curious about going vegetarian for a while now to see how it'll affect my G.I system (and the rest of me, for that fact).

b) I'm dedicating this part of my Lent to T. (my friend/co-worker in CCU who's still not doing well).  She's a big health advocate and I think she'd totally be behind me if I decided to try it.  I will also unite my suffering with hers and all the obstacles she currently faces and will face in the future.

So.. I'm going to need your support (and understanding for the days I come on here and whine about it.. lol).  Though I need to have faith that He will give me the strength I need to be as successful with this as possible.  I usually just observe the no-meat-on-Fridays rule during Lent (and that's hard at times), so this will be a doozy.  Oh no!  What about when I go out for breakfast with friends?!  No eggs and bacon!  :O  Omelette it is......sigh.....

Quotes

Until today, you may have been feeling as if you were about to break down.  Just for today, call forth the strength, courage, wisdom, insight, power and love of the spirit of life.  Ask that you be guided through the next minute, hour or day to a place of peace.
~ Iyanla Vanzart

My Day

I had my H. Pylori breath test today.  CS and I headed to the next city over (after some bumper to bumper traffic in the morning) and approached the hospital with time to spare.  Walking into a department called "Nuclear Medicine" wasn't all that comforting.  Anyways, the people were real nice and my radiologist was cute in an innocent, reminds-me-a-bit-of-my-ex-ex, sort of way.  We weren't there long and we headed off to the mall to kill some time, do some window shopping.  They had a Coach store and I fell absolutely in love with a bag there (okay, 3).  I'm not much of a materialistic person, but I do have good taste (read: expensive) and when I can afford it, I will.  Anyhoo, after we drooled over the bags we had a bite to eat (oh chicken shawarma, how I've missed you) and headed out.

It's been and will continue to be a busy week; test today, shadowing someone at work tomorrow, work Friday, market and breakfast with a friend Saturday morning, work Saturday afternoon/evening, Mass Sunday, coffee with my brother's girlfriend Sunday afternoon.  Phew!

I'm a little down tonight, though.  Realizing I'm no further ahead in some self-work.  Hmm.. I don't know if I'd call it 'self-work', per se.  I'd call it... y'know what?  I'm not going to name it today.  I don't care about formalizing or identifying things.  I'm tired of articulating how I'm no further ahead with certain aspects of myself - and I don't care right now.  I don't care about anything!!

And you know full well when someone says they don't care - that they do.

Fuck.

I hate caring.

And I just received a very blatant sign from the universe, should I decide to take it as one.  And why the hell not. Life has been full of signs lately.

Maybe I'll just go curl up with my Canadian Business magazine instead.  'Night, all.