Ahh... the hell that was the past week is over and it's time to start fresh.
Yesterday I said goodbye to my guy of 4.5 years. Our relationship was patchy at best and he'd always promised the world but never delivered it. There is a gamut of things I could list here (including that he was military and was always away) that were wrong but I don't really care to go into it. It was time to let go and I feel very much a sense of peace about things. Like, God finally flipped on the switch and let me see things as they are. I have no anger, no resentment. Besides, I was given the grace to see it from all sides; those 4.5 years may have been hard for me, but maybe I needed to be there for him because he needed me more. More than he ever told me. I'd suspected after a few years I was his angel. There were some really, really hard times and I was always there for him when he needed someone. Anyways, regardless how at peace I feel about things I'm still sad. We had so much potential. In the end, though, I'm learning I'm worth so much more.
I no longer feel awkward.