Thoughts - I came out of that appointment feeling.. defeated. He says I have to stop fighting the illness and just accept it and work around it. I've been fighting this for 10 years. I don't want to accept it and I don't want to live with it the rest of my life. I refuse. If you've got a chronic illness, you're aware of the emotional roller coaster it can put you on and how much it can control your life. If I give in, the illness wins. I was expecting so much more out of that appointment. Maybe new meds (which were a possibility, but we decided for numerous reasons against it). Well, he is putting me on Paxil, 10mg. This'll be interested. You guys can watch me wig out to anti-depressants. It's such a low dose I don't have much worry about it. The gut has more serotonin than the brain, so the idea is the Paxil will calm the nerve endings in my gut, causing it to be less sensitive/reative. That would be ideal.
Happenings - I started volunteering at the retirement home today. Wow. It was entertaining to say the least. I was dishing out teas and coffees at lunch. When I approached this one table of 4 women, I placed the tea down, and this one wasn't very clear with her speech; she kept telling me to do something, which I couldn't understand. She was getting right nasty, and she slapped my arm! I was a little in shock, but no worse for the wear. So the girl I was working with told me not to do her, she's temperamental (ya think?!) and I quickly moved on. Heh, I go to the next table and an older lady there says, "Oh, don't mind that weathered old bitch". HA! I almost lost it. That was fantastic. Then I went and delivered a couple of trays up to a couple. Well wouldn't you know it, the husband was a gentleman I had at the hospital. Crickety old man. Says his manners, though. Odd. So today was interesting, to say the least.
The past comes to visit now and then. I do pretty good. That's all.
I'm craving something tonight. Not something sweet, not something salty. Cake. I want cake. Who's got cake?
Alright, I'm a bit tired today. I've been staring at the screen for 5 min, so I guess I have nothing else to say.