Sunday, August 29, 2010

Early Morning Ramblings

Okay, so it's not so early (0940 here), but it's Sunday and so peacefully quiet.  I love Sunday mornings.  I made french toast this morning and I debated on turning on some music (I was undecided, it would be classical or chants or hymnal) but I decided on quiet instead.  Of course, then I get thinking.  This is what I came up with...

I went to bed a little upset last night.  Well, more sad than upset.  After shedding the "700lbs", the weight was off (almost literally) but I felt I was destined to end up alone.  Cat lady. Spinster (which definition can either mean 'female spinner of thread' or 'still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying'.  Seeing as it's not the 14th century anymore, I'm going to let you take a crack at which one I mean).  It occurred to me this morning that I was sad about being lonely because of lack of men.  Gah.  How shallow (don't worry CZ, I can already hear your voice from here).  I will and I won't apologize for it.  I will because, well yeah, but I won't because I'm at "that age" where I want to settle down and I'm not and it's frustrating.  Even if I didn't want these thoughts at all, I don't think I could help it because they seem so innate at this point.  Since I'm such a caretaker by nature, I want someone to take care OF (I hear your voice here, too!).  Why God would give me this gift and not give me a man to fulfill it is beyond me (I've sort of stopped typing and have been staring at the screen for the last 5 minutes at this point, unsure of what to say next). ............................ ..........................................thought process still paused..............................................

Right, so, moving onto something else until that gets resolved.  I've been doing an overhaul of the apartment this weekend.  There are piles of papers and clothes and other miscellaneous items that have been lying around and driving me nuts.  I finally cleaned and organized.  I threw out.  I shredded.  I donated.  My bedroom looks a little more normal, though I'm still displeased with it in many ways.  I want to de-clutter.  I want to purge.  Yes, even large items.  I REALLY want to figure out something to solve the echo I can hear in my living room.  Sorry, random.

Most of all lately, I have been craving to have a dinner party!  It's starting to drive me crazy.  Or not even a dinner party but a regular party.  I haven't held a party in over a year and I think I'm starting to have withdrawl.  Yes.  Something must be done about this.

Alright, well, I'm all thought-out for now.  I'm going to continue to have a quiet morning and go to work this afternoon.  Hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday and you spend it with someone you love (or alone! Alone works, too!).


hydra said...

Could your urge to get rid of stuff be a physical symptom of a mental desire to wipe out everything that has upset you or been a burden over the last few years? Throw that dinner party. Yeah! Bring some new energy into your apartment. Wish I could come.

Perovskia said...

Hydra - Oh definitely. My mind is de-cluttering, so I want to de-clutter my physical space, too.

You're right! Bringing new energy in is a fantastic idea.

Bix said...

I'm sorry to comment on this one now, I've been busy. But your post reminded me of a lyric to a Beatles' song:

"There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you were meant to be. It's easy."

That's pulled me through a few rocky times, when I wished so much to be at a place I wasn't.

Perovskia said...

Bix - Again, sorry late responding. Thanks for the quote :) I totally agree (ha, though I don't know about the 'easy' part).

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