Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Late Night Ramblings

I called a close friend last night to catch up; our lives have taken their own path and have been so busy we haven't been able to touch base for a while.  We were talking about our prospective ex's and she said something that was quite sober; that she was with her last ex because she imagines he just filled a need for her at the time, whatever 'that' need was (still in personal retrospect).  It happens.  I'm guilty.  I know what need my ex-ex filled and what my ex filled (thought that was more 'whole' and complex than anything I've had in the past).  What will the next one fill?  What need will I need tending?  How can I stay ahead of the game?  What else do I need to learn so I don't continue any more breakups?  Do we identify consciously WHAT our needs are?  Does that help?  Acknowledgement is one thing, attainment is another.

I hear someone else's voice in my head (you know who you are, girl).  This is why it's important to be filled with Christ; He fills those needs for us.  We are always to turn to God - in good, in bad, in all the in-between.  We are to look to Him and create a relationship with Him that will keep us on the right path.

If you're not religious in any form and think I'm crazy, you might not be far off.  Well, maybe not too much crazy, but it IS difficult, even for the best of us.  I'm horrible at it.  Horrible.  I still struggle with my relationship with Christ at the best of times.  Choosing someone you can't see to be your life saver, your confidant, your other half whole, is by far the most challenging thing you can do.  But also the most rewarding.  Not that I would know.

I will give more effort to include God in my decisions with my next mate, though I think He already has had a hand in it ;)

Sorry if I waxed spiritual.  I'm tired but not yet ready for bed.  Mind is running.  To think I still want to do some meditation, prayer before bed.  I best not say the rosary until I'm near done; it always puts me to peaceful slumber.


bambi said...

I believe people come into our lives, ours into theirs because of 'divine intervention. I've found, while struggling with 'prayer' ideas, that we usually pray wanting a specific outcome and are often disappointed not to get the answer WE wanted. That doesn't mean He didn't hear/answer. I know I have to struggle for the answer sometimes, and other times just have to 'give up' and accept it as being His will, and pray to learn from it.
I think the same is true with relationships. I have NO doubt you were His servant and doing His will in re: to your ex. Don't see it as a wasted ... years, but years of service to others, and thus God. I also agree that in our most personal relationships, we need to first understand OUR own needs, admit them, and if the other person can meet them. Those needs can change in time, but the basic need is still there. If someone you love can't help feel those needs, to commit to each other anyway can only end up in pain and disappointment. Better to be honest from the moment you realize your needs. One of my daughters taught me this, she is a 'wise soul'.

I had to 'laugh' at your comment about the rosary. I've been saying that same thing recently, the problem being that it hasn't solved my insomnia
problems of late! Agghhhh

Perovskia said...

Bambi - Seeing my time with K as a servant of God is what's kept me sane all these years. Especially now that I've let him go. I've almost started into the thinking pattern, "I'm such an idiot for staying for so long, why did I do that.. yada yada yada" but I stop myself. I know I was there because He sent me. End of story.

Yes, realizing our needs is important. The truer we stay to ourselves, the... how can I say.. smoother future we'll have. Does that make sense? Maybe it's not true. I don't know.

Having said that, I've learned sometimes we do get what we pray for, just not in the packaging we were expecting.

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