I've been in this sort of.. mental rhapsody lately. It's been a heavy, hectic and emotional week and there are a hundred and one things going on in my head all at the same time and I can't find any quiet, despite my best efforts. Thoughts are rapid and fleeting. Negative self-talk abounds, a little too much for my own liking. My thoughts are oxidizing and fueling my anxiety into anger; one of the worst sorts of enemies.
And then it occurred to me suddenly as if a thought was implanted into this...chaotic cranial compartment of mine - you only get what you give.
In order for me to receive love in abundance, I must *give* love. That means letting go of all hurts, confusion, resentments and the ability of not being able to forgive. Forgiveness MUST happen to find peace (not saying that's the one answer to the equation, but it helps). Anger must be discarded and not clung to. Confusion has to be doused with faith that all will work out as it's meant to; not trying to search and analyze everything to it's most minute element to try and figure out 'why'. Detachment. Buddhism believes very much in detachment and studying it many years ago has helped me in my faith journey, even today as a Catholic. This means opening up your heart so you can receive the love you so much deserve.
I have been too obsessed with myself and my own life and I have been given the grace to see that there are lives outside of mine (I usually have no problem with this, but the past few months have been trying). Friends who struggle through university courses, exams and thesis'. Girlfriends and boyfriends breaking up. Someone struggling with debilitating cancer. A family confronted with the holidays, just trying to make ends meet. I need to stop thinking so much about what I'm having trouble with (school, men, work, money, health, faith. Really, I could give you a list), and start thinking about those who are in more of need and how I can help them. I have to have faith I will find the balance I need for my own items. Then I'll get my reward; that little bit of heartily satisfaction that I've helped someone. Though please understand, it is in no way my motivation.
Wishing you a relaxing and peaceful Sunday evening.