More On My Mind..

And here I thought I was done blogging for the day.  I have to post a couple things on my mind, or I know I'll just be staring at the books.  Well, so much for studying this afternoon...

Just came back from my GP.  Went fine for the most part, until we started to get talking about things.  I like her because you don't feel rushed, she actually seems to genuinely care.  She'll pull up a chair, face you and talk about things, asks questions, etc.  I told her about the referral the endo wanted me to get.  She's doing it, but she had a bunch of questions.  Again with what symptoms I have, saying how they're characteristic of IBS, could try diet, hypnosis, anti-depressants.  Then I start to get upset.  I confront her with the new info I have, how I understand things to work (cytology, physiology).  I get a bit defensive and to be fair, I think I'm entitled.  Doctors saying the usual gamut I've heard time and time again.  She said how it can be controlled through diet and I don't disagree with her.  She asked if I've paired foods into groups and I said I've been starting to (thanks for that, B.) with what I've been avoiding. She also thinks per the IBS, one food I can have one day (i.e apple), I can't have another day.  Though that is rarely true, it's not as much anymore.  I'm classifying foods into larger groups (fats, sugars), not individual items (though I am selecting individual items to fall into particular groups).  Make sense?  Oh, and she also thought the South Beach diet, per a recent study has been claimed to help people lose weight the most (I'd like to see who funded that study).  Not saying it's incorrect, but...

Then she suggested one day.. just one day.. I try not to think about it.  Right.  I said part of the problem is with agoraphobia you fear about going out (for whatever personal reason) and it's all psychological.  I worry, I have to empty my bowels, then I leave.  It's how I've been programmed for the last 12 years.  It's hard to get away from that.  I said I wasn't disagreeing with her, but that's just how it is; it happens so often (daily) that I can't get away from it.  She says it's incurable, one will never be symptom-free and I said I don't accept that as an answer.  I said it might very well be true, but I don't accept it.

And apparently I needed to vent.  Sorry for the ramble.  I'm getting sad again and I'd rather not.

Also thought I'd throw this out there, lest you think I was crazy.  I know you've seen my emotions waver the past few days with regards to JC like a freaking tidal wave.  You might wonder, "Jody, why are you depending all your personal happiness on another person?" and you would be right.  I know.  I've caught myself doing it.  No one should rely their happiness on another person, mate, friend or otherwise.  You need to have faith in whatever higher power you believe in that that significant power, or what have you, will take care of you and your needs and happiness, regardless of what they are.  I haven't been doing that.  I mean, I think about it; like, I have faith that God will take care of my path with whomever, but I don't believe it to the core that I should.  I'm now believing (and understanding) it on a deeper level.  People are impermanent beings; God, or that significant higher power you believe in, is infinite.  It will ALWAYS be there.  Use it as a rock, a stronghold, a comforting hug.  It won't fail you.