You know, I hate that I'm hurting. I feel this literal, physical void in the centre of my being and I want to hunch over in hurt. Things with JC have taken a turn (a few days ago) and I thought I was on the road to resolving it with myself, but, I see that I am no further ahead. I hate that it bothers me. I hate that I'm blaming myself so much. I hate that I am in tune with things, with myself, with the universe...how I've been shown how things are meant to be, yet I can't voice it because it would scare him off even further (would he even be able to trust my 'sight'?). Being in tune can be a blessing, but in times like this it's a curse.
I have an energy about me the past couple days that has been a nuisance. It's like every molecule and cell is lit with electricity. I'm fidgety. I start working on one thing, then get up and work on something else. I have no peace.
Babu is snoring. Perhaps I should join him.