Time Flies, Things Change

I woke up early this morning because my body said it's had its 8 hours of sleep and wasn't having anymore (you understand this means I was up at 0800, which is rare for me). I putter around, I come online and I see that my cousin has had a baby. My cousin. A baby. What... just happened?? I literally froze, I was so much in shock. Then anger. Why didn't he tell me when we spoke on the phone a couple months ago? Where is all of this coming from?!?!?

*sigh* Let me give you a quick background where this shock/anger is coming from. S. and I grew up together as kids out in the country. We were very close. We even hung out a lot into our teens, 20's. Then time and distance grew us apart. We'd talk on the phone a bit here and there; we'd often counsel each other. But he stayed in our home town, I didn't (and I very rarely traveled there). I've always missed my cousin; we were great friends growing up.

So to hear he's had something major and wonderful happen in his life, something I know he's always wanted, I'm saddened that I wasn't there to share it with him. It's like I'm 15 again and taking it personally that he hasn't told me. But we're not 15, we haven't been speaking, and he's owed me nothing. So, I 'manned up' and wrote him a congrats and said how adorable his son is (he really is... you just wanna squish him), and every letter I typed hurt. But, I have to wish him the best, walk away and deal with my sadness on my own.

I'll call him sometime when my shock/anger subsides (so I can say, "How have you been??" instead of, "What the hell??". A little kinder, wouldn't you say?). It seems in not going home and avoiding my parents, I've avoided everyone else as well.