Saturday, September 5, 2009


Well, my emotions have calmed down a bit this week and I'm going to attempt to post today. I don't feel like talking much, but I refuse to stay closed up about things. There's not a lot I'll mention publicly, so if it's vague, I apologize. Though there might be a lot of babbling; I've warned you.

I let my guard down last week and I got punished for it. Punish is a strong word. Maybe karma. No, that's not right, either. Anyways, the situation is, I didn't accept someone's behaviour (the way they were treating me) and I called them on it (which also meant standing up for myself, which I was quite proud to do). I no longer have communication with this person and I'm okay with that (you might find it odd for me to say this statement, but when I was younger, I would do everything to hang onto people. Various reasons. A bit of not knowing if I'd need them in the future, for whatever reason and other reasons. I know this is unhealthy which is why over the years I'm breaking myself of the habit). Weed out the toxic, as it were. I guess I wanna say I was 'punished' for it because I got hurt as a result. I didn't deserve it. I tried trusting. I got burned. Time to move on.

I find I'm also missing someone from my close past. We were always connected and I can feel them, and it's frustrating (frustrating because we're not talking) and all I want to say is 'hi' or 'I miss you'.

I hope this next week picks up. I really should get back into my studies. I want to start reviewing the old stuff, so when the new stuff comes (soon, I hope), then I'll be in the mindset. I also wanted to start volunteering at the retirement home behind me; I really should get on that (did I mention I was the world's best procrastinator?). I also need to get some paperwork together for my lawyer. Gah! Procrastination is... grrr.

And I feel so lazy today. An old friend texted me early this morning. He's 2 hrs behind and I don't know if he remembered the time change. All the same, it was nice to catch up. Then I had someone else text me shortly after. It must have been national Text J. Early day..and I missed the memo. So when that was all done, I stayed in bed and dozed on and off for a couple more hours. Nice breeze coming in the window, comfy bed. Ahhh. I didn't want to get up, but I had to start the day at some point. What would they do without me at work?

I hope everyone has a great long weekend! I don't have anything planned (outside of work - time and a half, baby, yeah!), so hopefully it'll shape into something. I need some social time.


Tilly said...

It's a hard thing letting people go, even when you know you should. I have that same problem myself of hanging onto relationships long after they've worn out their welcome. Tom, as a for example. It's tough, but sometimes you just have to tear off that band-aid and move on down the road. Ah trust, so necessary and yet so painful. Welcome to life, I guess.

Perovskia said...

And it's funny cause I'm a stubborn type. I'll trust you until you give me reason not to, for the most part. But the more this stuff happens, the more skeptical I get. But the thing is, I don't want to be this skeptical person. Then I would be becoming a product of my environment, would I not?

I don't know, I'm different. A lot of people reading right now might think I'm crazy for trusting to easily (as not everyone does).. but.. that's not who I am. Thus, I get hurt.


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