Friday, June 18, 2010

Inner Ramblings

Well, I found out what happens when I have a high-carb meal after maintaining with higher protein; I get sick.  I had an attack at work today and I've been in pain all afternoon into this evening.  It hasn't been fun.  It's wiped me out.. so I'm sore, I'm cranky and I'm ready to just curl up into a ball with a book and have a quiet night (I'm reading Jane Austen's Persuasion and I'm near the end; Anne has been able to see more of Captain Wentworth and hoping they get back together!).  So I'll finish dinner, hoping it sits okay and take it easy the rest of the night. A diet change is definitely necessary.

There was an instance of work tonight with Mr. & Mrs. W; I was delivering dinner and Mrs. W. was having problems moving the bedside table. She let out a sigh, I helped her and asked if she was okay.  "Yeah, I'm okay," she says.  I looked her in the eye and I said, "No you're not".  "No, I'm not" she says.  She looked so sad, so worn out; then she just started talking (figuring people just need to offload and have someone listen, I took a couple min out of dinner delivery (ack!) to listen).  She's just tired and stressed out - the house is falling behind because she's so often at the hospital.  Yard work, garden is getting overrun, etc.  I listened with an empathetic ear, but I internally thought that I wanted to help.  But I'd need someone with a car to get me there; with my stomach I just don't feel comfortable, 9 times out of 10, to a) take public transit and b) go to unfamiliar parts of the city.  Which is unfortunate because then it wouldn't be an issue.  Rather she'd take my help or not, I'm not sure.  I was hoping to talk to her daughter tonight, but I didn't see her.  So.. I don't know.

Why do I get these thoughts in my head?  Why do I feel I have to *do* something?  It wears me out so much, but.... I feel this is God's plan.  I don't know.  Why me?!  Maybe I'm just overwhelmed because I'm so tired and down already today.  I don't know.  Is me wanting to help wrong??  It's definitely not something that people do everyday.  Just... why do I get these crazy notions?!?

Sigh.. I'm going to go read my book.

1 comment:

bambi said...

My humble opinion, and off the top of my head, I would say you get these 'thoughts' because you are a kind, caring and compassionate human being. No, few people do think those thoughts, much less act on them 'every day' because, no matter where you live, people have come to withdraw and seemingly not care about others much anymore. I choose to believe it isn't because people have lost compassion etc., but we live in such a litigious society, everyone is afraid if they do something wrong they will get sued, or blamed for the actions of someone else. Just had this discussion today with, uh, my therapist.

Hope you feel better! Stupid stomachs. Have you had a GOOD cry lately. See my FB note.

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