Okay, so it's not so early (0940 here), but it's Sunday and so peacefully quiet. I love Sunday mornings. I made french toast this morning and I debated on turning on some music (I was undecided, it would be classical or chants or hymnal) but I decided on quiet instead. Of course, then I get thinking. This is what I came up with...
I went to bed a little upset last night. Well, more sad than upset. After shedding the "700lbs", the weight was off (almost literally) but I felt I was destined to end up alone. Cat lady. Spinster (which definition can either mean 'female spinner of thread' or 'still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying'. Seeing as it's not the 14th century anymore, I'm going to let you take a crack at which one I mean). It occurred to me this morning that I was sad about being lonely because of lack of men. Gah. How shallow (don't worry CZ, I can already hear your voice from here). I will and I won't apologize for it. I will because, well yeah, but I won't because I'm at "that age" where I want to settle down and I'm not and it's frustrating. Even if I didn't want these thoughts at all, I don't think I could help it because they seem so innate at this point. Since I'm such a caretaker by nature, I want someone to take care OF (I hear your voice here, too!). Why God would give me this gift and not give me a man to fulfill it is beyond me (I've sort of stopped typing and have been staring at the screen for the last 5 minutes at this point, unsure of what to say next). ............................ ..........................................thought process still paused..............................................
Right, so, moving onto something else until that gets resolved. I've been doing an overhaul of the apartment this weekend. There are piles of papers and clothes and other miscellaneous items that have been lying around and driving me nuts. I finally cleaned and organized. I threw out. I shredded. I donated. My bedroom looks a little more normal, though I'm still displeased with it in many ways. I want to de-clutter. I want to purge. Yes, even large items. I REALLY want to figure out something to solve the echo I can hear in my living room. Sorry, random.
Most of all lately, I have been craving to have a dinner party! It's starting to drive me crazy. Or not even a dinner party but a regular party. I haven't held a party in over a year and I think I'm starting to have withdrawl. Yes. Something must be done about this.
Alright, well, I'm all thought-out for now. I'm going to continue to have a quiet morning and go to work this afternoon. Hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday and you spend it with someone you love (or alone! Alone works, too!).
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Peaches
Oh how the universe taunts me.
I woke up extra early this morning to go to market to get - as agreed upon (with a lady) - peaches for canning. Mental note: market is much less busy at 0800 than 1100. Anyhoo... I've been speaking with this lady for the past month about when the best time is for the right peaches for canning. Finally, this was the week. So last week she said she'd bring a very large basket (11 qt worth), slightly bruised peaches for a very affordable price. Deal. I arrived at her stand early this morning and she didn't have them. She completely forgot as her van was full with other produce. I'm very glad you got to bring in new tomatoes and peaches and strawberries, but I was counting on those peaches. I'd said to her, "And this was the only weekend I had off to can." I was waiting for her to offer another regular basket discounted for the inconvenience, but I guess that was too much to ask. She did offer a small basket, slightly bruised for $2, so I took that, plus a larger basket. They'll have to sit out and ripen, now. I'm off Tuesday, so maybe I can do it then. She gave me some paper bags to speed up the ripening process, so I hope that helps (anyone know how long this takes?). And if I don't have enough peaches, at this point I'll just buy them at the store. The whole situation was starting to get stressful and right now I just can't deal, so, I'll do what I have to do.
I've also been toying with making and freezing pies. I'm not really a big pie person, but I've had a huge urge to do this lately. And cheesecake. I want to make a cheesecake.
So, since my day has opened up a little, I think I'll enjoy a quiet day to myself. I've got a boat-load of laundry to do and I want to finish cleaning/organizing my bedroom, etc that I started the other day. Since I got rid of that 700lbs, I'm in quite the 'purging' mode and feel like cleaning the place out. I've already deleted a lot of things off the computer.
How's your Saturday going?
I woke up extra early this morning to go to market to get - as agreed upon (with a lady) - peaches for canning. Mental note: market is much less busy at 0800 than 1100. Anyhoo... I've been speaking with this lady for the past month about when the best time is for the right peaches for canning. Finally, this was the week. So last week she said she'd bring a very large basket (11 qt worth), slightly bruised peaches for a very affordable price. Deal. I arrived at her stand early this morning and she didn't have them. She completely forgot as her van was full with other produce. I'm very glad you got to bring in new tomatoes and peaches and strawberries, but I was counting on those peaches. I'd said to her, "And this was the only weekend I had off to can." I was waiting for her to offer another regular basket discounted for the inconvenience, but I guess that was too much to ask. She did offer a small basket, slightly bruised for $2, so I took that, plus a larger basket. They'll have to sit out and ripen, now. I'm off Tuesday, so maybe I can do it then. She gave me some paper bags to speed up the ripening process, so I hope that helps (anyone know how long this takes?). And if I don't have enough peaches, at this point I'll just buy them at the store. The whole situation was starting to get stressful and right now I just can't deal, so, I'll do what I have to do.
I've also been toying with making and freezing pies. I'm not really a big pie person, but I've had a huge urge to do this lately. And cheesecake. I want to make a cheesecake.
So, since my day has opened up a little, I think I'll enjoy a quiet day to myself. I've got a boat-load of laundry to do and I want to finish cleaning/organizing my bedroom, etc that I started the other day. Since I got rid of that 700lbs, I'm in quite the 'purging' mode and feel like cleaning the place out. I've already deleted a lot of things off the computer.
How's your Saturday going?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Updates & Stuff
I'm having a tea this morning instead of coffee. Letting go of coffee has been easier than I thought. I'm not cutting it out completely, but I'm not having it everyday like I used to. Maybe once or twice a week or so. I was going to say it's easier to let go of something when it brings you discomfort, but that's not always the case (as is with coffee; I was having 2-3 cups a day). I'm not sure where to start when it comes to updating you on what's going on, so I'm just going to start babbling.....
School - Courses are completed (I'm sure I've mentioned this by now) but I still have to figure out my overall average for the program. Hmm.. maybe it's listed online. Let me check my account. Hmm.. but that means I have to find a paper with my student number on it. Which also reminds me, I have to apply for my certificate. .....*ruffles around with papers in bedroom*......*looks for 20 min but can't find anything*..... Right, well, that's going to have to wait. I really need to get in there and clean up.
I've been hearing more blue jays the past few mornings and geese the past couple. It's that time of year again. I've got my living room window slightly closed; it's really dropped in temperature overnight (down to 9C). The days are lovely, though (around 25C/75F).
Work - I think hours will be cut more in October than September as planned. The later the better for me. In September I'm taking a Leadership course. It's a once-a-week lecture (for several weeks) to improve, obviously, your leadership skills. This is important for me as I have the drive to lead, but lack some... how shall we say.. tact :) I'm there to do a job and I will direct you to get said job done. Only, not all people like my directness and I have to.. *shudder*... soften my edge a little. Honestly, I hate conforming. It's not for me. But, having said that, I understand you attract more flies with honey. Maybe I can look at it differently than 'conforming'. Hmm. Oh, funny story: An email was sent out to pick up the course materials. I went down to pick them up and as she handed them to me I said I already received them. She looked puzzled. She said, "Are you sure? I just made these yesterday." Me, "Um... yeah. I received them in an inter-office envelope last week." We both pause and look puzzled. "Are you SURE?" she says. "Yup." So it's a total mystery as to how I got the same course material a week before she made it. Odd, indeed. Meant to be?
Health - I've been sleeping okay for the most part. The Breathe-Right nose strips have been a God-send. They let me sleep through an entire night now and I feel more rested the next day. I think I still feel really run down from my forever-lasting cycle. I'm taking ferrous fumerate (a form of iron) to try and give myself a boost, so I've cut down to half a pill a day because it was upsetting my stomach something severe. I'm not really noticing a difference, to be honest. I will try to get my next B12 shot soon. I've been cracking down on my eating habits again as I was getting a little lazy (it really is hard to recognize and resist so many carbs!).
Personal Growth - Boy, I don't think I have enough time in the day or space in this entry to write everything that's happened the past 72 hours. Lets just say I feel the weight has been lifted off my back. 175lbs of weight, that is.
Cryptic - Remember my significant coffee friend? Yes.
I read this, this morning: Scientists Crack Wheat's Genetic Code. I have a sneaky suspicion this isn't an entirely good thing.
This article made my stomach turn: Women Need Antibiotics Before (not after) C-Section. Just.. wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I understand in some cases it may be needed, but.. man. (Note: yes, my opinion, not based on medical fact, but I'll be DAMNED if you stick me with a) something I don't want and b) something that will get into my baby's bloodstream, also what I don't want). /rant
I have a random craving for a Starbucks Tazo Chai Latte. Thanks, CS :P
It was JH's birthday yesterday. A ripe 25. I woke her up early (muahahaha) and arrived at her door with flowers and took her out for breakfast. I remember 25; I also did a lot of maturing at that age. Things change. Priorities in you shift. Do *you* remember 25? :)
Prayer Life - I've found this fantastic site, Pray-As-You-Go (it's UK-based, as it turns out) and they have daily prayers you can download (on the site, or to an mp3 player). I've listened to them every morning this week, almost first thing before my day starts (but of course, you can listen to them whenever, this is just what works for me) and they're just fantastic. They last about 10-13 min, so if you can spare the time (or curiosity), I encourage you to give it a go.
Yesterday I tried, Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred. Holy hell, am I sore today. If I had more energy this morning, I would have given it another go, but I'm not feeling great. There are a lot of girls at work trying it and I thought why not. I need an extra kick in the ass. It will definitely tone you, that's for sure. At this point, even if it skims an inch off I'll be happy. I'll keep you posted. (I'll also keep you posted if I keep it up. Aries are famous for starting things, but never finishing them.)
Well, I think I've talked your ear off today. It's Friday and my weekend off, only I picked up a shift for Sunday. I don't ever work my weekends off (I get so few) but this person begged and pleaded (okay, I might have a bit of a soft-spot inside, but don't tell anyone). The hours will be nice on the next paycheque. Tomorrow I'll be going to market early-early to get peaches for canning. Wish me luck!! Hope everyone has a great weekend! Get out and enjoy the weather :)
Later Edit: Forgot to include a link.
School - Courses are completed (I'm sure I've mentioned this by now) but I still have to figure out my overall average for the program. Hmm.. maybe it's listed online. Let me check my account. Hmm.. but that means I have to find a paper with my student number on it. Which also reminds me, I have to apply for my certificate. .....*ruffles around with papers in bedroom*......*looks for 20 min but can't find anything*..... Right, well, that's going to have to wait. I really need to get in there and clean up.
I've been hearing more blue jays the past few mornings and geese the past couple. It's that time of year again. I've got my living room window slightly closed; it's really dropped in temperature overnight (down to 9C). The days are lovely, though (around 25C/75F).
Work - I think hours will be cut more in October than September as planned. The later the better for me. In September I'm taking a Leadership course. It's a once-a-week lecture (for several weeks) to improve, obviously, your leadership skills. This is important for me as I have the drive to lead, but lack some... how shall we say.. tact :) I'm there to do a job and I will direct you to get said job done. Only, not all people like my directness and I have to.. *shudder*... soften my edge a little. Honestly, I hate conforming. It's not for me. But, having said that, I understand you attract more flies with honey. Maybe I can look at it differently than 'conforming'. Hmm. Oh, funny story: An email was sent out to pick up the course materials. I went down to pick them up and as she handed them to me I said I already received them. She looked puzzled. She said, "Are you sure? I just made these yesterday." Me, "Um... yeah. I received them in an inter-office envelope last week." We both pause and look puzzled. "Are you SURE?" she says. "Yup." So it's a total mystery as to how I got the same course material a week before she made it. Odd, indeed. Meant to be?
Health - I've been sleeping okay for the most part. The Breathe-Right nose strips have been a God-send. They let me sleep through an entire night now and I feel more rested the next day. I think I still feel really run down from my forever-lasting cycle. I'm taking ferrous fumerate (a form of iron) to try and give myself a boost, so I've cut down to half a pill a day because it was upsetting my stomach something severe. I'm not really noticing a difference, to be honest. I will try to get my next B12 shot soon. I've been cracking down on my eating habits again as I was getting a little lazy (it really is hard to recognize and resist so many carbs!).
Personal Growth - Boy, I don't think I have enough time in the day or space in this entry to write everything that's happened the past 72 hours. Lets just say I feel the weight has been lifted off my back. 175lbs of weight, that is.
Cryptic - Remember my significant coffee friend? Yes.
I read this, this morning: Scientists Crack Wheat's Genetic Code. I have a sneaky suspicion this isn't an entirely good thing.
This article made my stomach turn: Women Need Antibiotics Before (not after) C-Section. Just.. wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I understand in some cases it may be needed, but.. man. (Note: yes, my opinion, not based on medical fact, but I'll be DAMNED if you stick me with a) something I don't want and b) something that will get into my baby's bloodstream, also what I don't want). /rant
I have a random craving for a Starbucks Tazo Chai Latte. Thanks, CS :P
It was JH's birthday yesterday. A ripe 25. I woke her up early (muahahaha) and arrived at her door with flowers and took her out for breakfast. I remember 25; I also did a lot of maturing at that age. Things change. Priorities in you shift. Do *you* remember 25? :)
Prayer Life - I've found this fantastic site, Pray-As-You-Go (it's UK-based, as it turns out) and they have daily prayers you can download (on the site, or to an mp3 player). I've listened to them every morning this week, almost first thing before my day starts (but of course, you can listen to them whenever, this is just what works for me) and they're just fantastic. They last about 10-13 min, so if you can spare the time (or curiosity), I encourage you to give it a go.
Yesterday I tried, Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred. Holy hell, am I sore today. If I had more energy this morning, I would have given it another go, but I'm not feeling great. There are a lot of girls at work trying it and I thought why not. I need an extra kick in the ass. It will definitely tone you, that's for sure. At this point, even if it skims an inch off I'll be happy. I'll keep you posted. (I'll also keep you posted if I keep it up. Aries are famous for starting things, but never finishing them.)
Well, I think I've talked your ear off today. It's Friday and my weekend off, only I picked up a shift for Sunday. I don't ever work my weekends off (I get so few) but this person begged and pleaded (okay, I might have a bit of a soft-spot inside, but don't tell anyone). The hours will be nice on the next paycheque. Tomorrow I'll be going to market early-early to get peaches for canning. Wish me luck!! Hope everyone has a great weekend! Get out and enjoy the weather :)
Later Edit: Forgot to include a link.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Quote Confusion
"Familiarity breeds contempt".
I've had this quote in my head the past few days. I can't tell you why. I can only tell you it comes up when I think about key issues in my life. It's bothering me, really, because I can't get it out. To tell the truth, I don't even really know if I *understand* it.
Maybe I need to talk it out. I don't know.
I've had this quote in my head the past few days. I can't tell you why. I can only tell you it comes up when I think about key issues in my life. It's bothering me, really, because I can't get it out. To tell the truth, I don't even really know if I *understand* it.
Maybe I need to talk it out. I don't know.
Late Night Ramblings
I called a close friend last night to catch up; our lives have taken their own path and have been so busy we haven't been able to touch base for a while. We were talking about our prospective ex's and she said something that was quite sober; that she was with her last ex because she imagines he just filled a need for her at the time, whatever 'that' need was (still in personal retrospect). It happens. I'm guilty. I know what need my ex-ex filled and what my ex filled (thought that was more 'whole' and complex than anything I've had in the past). What will the next one fill? What need will I need tending? How can I stay ahead of the game? What else do I need to learn so I don't continue any more breakups? Do we identify consciously WHAT our needs are? Does that help? Acknowledgement is one thing, attainment is another.
I hear someone else's voice in my head (you know who you are, girl). This is why it's important to be filled with Christ; He fills those needs for us. We are always to turn to God - in good, in bad, in all the in-between. We are to look to Him and create a relationship with Him that will keep us on the right path.
If you're not religious in any form and think I'm crazy, you might not be far off. Well, maybe not too much crazy, but it IS difficult, even for the best of us. I'm horrible at it. Horrible. I still struggle with my relationship with Christ at the best of times. Choosing someone you can't see to be your life saver, your confidant, yourother half whole, is by far the most challenging thing you can do. But also the most rewarding. Not that I would know.
I will give more effort to include God in my decisions with my next mate, though I think He already has had a hand in it ;)
Sorry if I waxed spiritual. I'm tired but not yet ready for bed. Mind is running. To think I still want to do some meditation, prayer before bed. I best not say the rosary until I'm near done; it always puts me to peaceful slumber.
I hear someone else's voice in my head (you know who you are, girl). This is why it's important to be filled with Christ; He fills those needs for us. We are always to turn to God - in good, in bad, in all the in-between. We are to look to Him and create a relationship with Him that will keep us on the right path.
If you're not religious in any form and think I'm crazy, you might not be far off. Well, maybe not too much crazy, but it IS difficult, even for the best of us. I'm horrible at it. Horrible. I still struggle with my relationship with Christ at the best of times. Choosing someone you can't see to be your life saver, your confidant, your
I will give more effort to include God in my decisions with my next mate, though I think He already has had a hand in it ;)
Sorry if I waxed spiritual. I'm tired but not yet ready for bed. Mind is running. To think I still want to do some meditation, prayer before bed. I best not say the rosary until I'm near done; it always puts me to peaceful slumber.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Quiet Sunday
I don't have much to write about today. It's been overcast and rainy/drizzling so it makes for a quiet day. Just came back from Mass & breakfast with a friend (always a good time and lots of laughs). He makes the strangest food combinations you'll ever see. The secret is, I've tried and liked some of them. Today was salt on (rye) toast. I'm not even joking (Bix, I know your stomach is churning.. all that salt intake!). But fear not; it's not a lot of salt, just a sprinkle. It brought out the flavour more, it was quite nice. Excuse me while I go have a heart-attack now. If you want to know other food combinations you'll have to ask - I don't want to gross anyone out if they have a sensitive stomach :)
Regardless of how social I've been lately and how much human contact I've had the past week, I can still feel lonely and alone. I don't care for that. The gloomy weather isn't helping. I'd like some sun now, please. kthanks.
Meh. Kind of blah today, so I'm going to go take my blah self and get ready for work. It's my Friday, so I get to relax a bit tomorrow. Then I'm on for another 4 days until the weekend.
Regardless of how social I've been lately and how much human contact I've had the past week, I can still feel lonely and alone. I don't care for that. The gloomy weather isn't helping. I'd like some sun now, please. kthanks.
Meh. Kind of blah today, so I'm going to go take my blah self and get ready for work. It's my Friday, so I get to relax a bit tomorrow. Then I'm on for another 4 days until the weekend.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Quotes
"There are those who seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge - That is curiosity.
There are those who seek knowledge to be known by others - That is vanity.
There are those who seek knowledge in order to serve - That is love."
~St. Bernard of Clairvaux
There are those who seek knowledge to be known by others - That is vanity.
There are those who seek knowledge in order to serve - That is love."
~St. Bernard of Clairvaux
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Random Pictures
Here are a few pictures I've had piling up.
Clouds from last weekend; it was super hot and we had threats of rain and storms here and there.
Went out for sushi one day. Mmmm... tempura...
Mmmm....cucumber and avocado handroll... Oops, one of them has my friends tempura shrimp in it.
This is the church in my friend's 'hood that I spoke of going to. It was quite comparable to ours here in town.
The fantastic ceiling.
Stop working so hard, Babu.
Hmm.. it seems I didn't have as many today as I thought. Sorry! :)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Blessings
I'm not sitting with a coffee posting, this morning. I'm slowly coming to terms (denial is a wonderful thing) that coffee is one of the things that upsets my stomach. Yes, even decaf. This makes me sad. I like my coffee. I don't even drink it for the caffeine, I don't need it. I drink it for the taste.
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it......
My social calendar has been uncharacteristically busy. Weekends and days off have been full of coffee dates. Hell, last Saturday I got a late-morning surprise visit from J.H, then a surprise text from A.C (followed by a brief, but very welcomed, enjoyable visit), then work, then a visit afterwards from a co-worker/friend (kicked back and watched a movie, then had a drink and talked a bit). It was crazy! But such a great day. I'm thankful that when I feel lonely I can surround myself with wonderful friends.
Also under the "careful what you wish for" category, remember how I needed to be conversationally-challenged more? I am thankful for my new neighbour. We have great conversations and she's not afraid to challenge me and ask questions. Hopefully we challenge each other equally well, but she definitely gets me thinking sometimes. This is a good thing :)
Well, I've got some cleaning to do before work. Hope everyone's having a good Wednesday. I'll be posting pics soon, so keep an eye out for those :)
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it......
My social calendar has been uncharacteristically busy. Weekends and days off have been full of coffee dates. Hell, last Saturday I got a late-morning surprise visit from J.H, then a surprise text from A.C (followed by a brief, but very welcomed, enjoyable visit), then work, then a visit afterwards from a co-worker/friend (kicked back and watched a movie, then had a drink and talked a bit). It was crazy! But such a great day. I'm thankful that when I feel lonely I can surround myself with wonderful friends.
Also under the "careful what you wish for" category, remember how I needed to be conversationally-challenged more? I am thankful for my new neighbour. We have great conversations and she's not afraid to challenge me and ask questions. Hopefully we challenge each other equally well, but she definitely gets me thinking sometimes. This is a good thing :)
Well, I've got some cleaning to do before work. Hope everyone's having a good Wednesday. I'll be posting pics soon, so keep an eye out for those :)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Updates
I thought it's been a while since I've updated y'all on what's going on and it's quiet here this morning so it's the perfect opportunity. Feeling a little 'blah' and tired today, though. The barometric (I keep wanting to say bariatric.. ha!) pressure must be changing. My fingers have been sore the past two days plus headaches up the wazoo. Not cool.
Health: I don't think I gave much update on the sleep apnea/CPAP trial, did I? The trial didn't go great but I did notice a little improvement. After talking with the respirologist when I handed in the machine she said my numbers were very low and not to rush out and buy a machine right away (it would have costs me $672 if I did). After some talking (and a long story short) I have been trying the Breathe Right nose strips and they're working miracles. I'm sleeping through the night pretty much every night now, for the first time in months (if not years). It's not bringing back full energy again, but a lot more than what I had.
Blood sugar has been maintaining at 'normal' levels (I quote normal because they don't always feel normal, despite the numbers). Thinking something else is setting off other symptoms, but time will tell (and the appointment with the endocrinologist. Is it November, yet?).
Warning, gurl stuff: Right, so, remember how I said I went off the pill and things were going fine? I was on a 45-day cycle and loving it. When it came it was short. Ahh..bliss. Well, I went to the doc to make sure it was normal and she didn't have any real concerns. She ordered a pelvic ultrasound just in case but I had to cancel it. It seems my monthly came sooner than expected and I've been having it now, as of today, 15 days straight. Yeah. 15 DAYS! WTF!? To be fair, my body might take up to a year to regulate, I'm coming to terms with that now. I was on the pill for a very, very long time so it has to learn all over again how to produce it's own cycle. And somehow, God-willing, I have to be patient with that. I have confidence it will make me anemic again and I'm taking a pre-emptive and upping my B12 and perhaps also my iron, now that I think of it. I'm just not feelin' great, y'know? 2 weeks is a long time. /whining
Work: Meh. Things have calmed down a bit and it's pretty much SSDD. Our change in hours (reduction) will be happening next month. Not looking forward to that without something else to back it up. I'm not in panic-mode yet, though.
I made it out to C.Z's farm last weekend. We went to Mass in her neighbourhood (pics of a lovely church I will have to post sometime) and back to the house for a very yummy lunch. Not all the siblings were there and there were some of us who were friends... plus the priest they invited back for lunch (I didn't think anybody did that anymore!). Father K. came to talk to me after, as we were all standing around, saying goodbyes, talking, etc. He commented how he enjoyed himself and he tried counting how many of us there were at the table. "18," I said. "I counted." We were in amazement. "Well that's a lot of people. But they're fun, aren't they?" To which I replied, "Yes. I love visiting. I count myself thankful to be around such a loving and caring family." :) I didn't get to see the jersey's. Didn't have the time, or proper shoes for that fact.
This weekend has just been working. Nothing special. Oh... I walked in on a dead body at work a couple days ago. That was fun. Had the tray in my hand and was about to walk in and say, "Hello Mrs. G! How are you?" except when I walked in the curtain was pulled around her bed. That's not usual for her and that was red flag #1. I peaked in, anyways and thought to myself, 'She doesn't look very good' but one never knows so I set the tray down anyways. Came out and talked to a nurse and asked if she was still alive. She in fact, was not and hadn't been for a few hours. That's...... fantastic. It was a surprise to me; she was doing well last I saw. Not great, but not anything near what I'd classify as dead. And for some reason it didn't bother me. That in itself, bothers me. Am I becoming more desensitized? Am I caring less? Neither of those options can be good. This has been in the back of my mind.
I think I'm done blogging for the day. Hope everyone has a great Saturday. Stay out of the heat :)
Health: I don't think I gave much update on the sleep apnea/CPAP trial, did I? The trial didn't go great but I did notice a little improvement. After talking with the respirologist when I handed in the machine she said my numbers were very low and not to rush out and buy a machine right away (it would have costs me $672 if I did). After some talking (and a long story short) I have been trying the Breathe Right nose strips and they're working miracles. I'm sleeping through the night pretty much every night now, for the first time in months (if not years). It's not bringing back full energy again, but a lot more than what I had.
Blood sugar has been maintaining at 'normal' levels (I quote normal because they don't always feel normal, despite the numbers). Thinking something else is setting off other symptoms, but time will tell (and the appointment with the endocrinologist. Is it November, yet?).
Warning, gurl stuff: Right, so, remember how I said I went off the pill and things were going fine? I was on a 45-day cycle and loving it. When it came it was short. Ahh..bliss. Well, I went to the doc to make sure it was normal and she didn't have any real concerns. She ordered a pelvic ultrasound just in case but I had to cancel it. It seems my monthly came sooner than expected and I've been having it now, as of today, 15 days straight. Yeah. 15 DAYS! WTF!? To be fair, my body might take up to a year to regulate, I'm coming to terms with that now. I was on the pill for a very, very long time so it has to learn all over again how to produce it's own cycle. And somehow, God-willing, I have to be patient with that. I have confidence it will make me anemic again and I'm taking a pre-emptive and upping my B12 and perhaps also my iron, now that I think of it. I'm just not feelin' great, y'know? 2 weeks is a long time. /whining
Work: Meh. Things have calmed down a bit and it's pretty much SSDD. Our change in hours (reduction) will be happening next month. Not looking forward to that without something else to back it up. I'm not in panic-mode yet, though.
There's a change coming in the fall. I'm not sure with what, but it's coming.
I made it out to C.Z's farm last weekend. We went to Mass in her neighbourhood (pics of a lovely church I will have to post sometime) and back to the house for a very yummy lunch. Not all the siblings were there and there were some of us who were friends... plus the priest they invited back for lunch (I didn't think anybody did that anymore!). Father K. came to talk to me after, as we were all standing around, saying goodbyes, talking, etc. He commented how he enjoyed himself and he tried counting how many of us there were at the table. "18," I said. "I counted." We were in amazement. "Well that's a lot of people. But they're fun, aren't they?" To which I replied, "Yes. I love visiting. I count myself thankful to be around such a loving and caring family." :) I didn't get to see the jersey's. Didn't have the time, or proper shoes for that fact.
This weekend has just been working. Nothing special. Oh... I walked in on a dead body at work a couple days ago. That was fun. Had the tray in my hand and was about to walk in and say, "Hello Mrs. G! How are you?" except when I walked in the curtain was pulled around her bed. That's not usual for her and that was red flag #1. I peaked in, anyways and thought to myself, 'She doesn't look very good' but one never knows so I set the tray down anyways. Came out and talked to a nurse and asked if she was still alive. She in fact, was not and hadn't been for a few hours. That's...... fantastic. It was a surprise to me; she was doing well last I saw. Not great, but not anything near what I'd classify as dead. And for some reason it didn't bother me. That in itself, bothers me. Am I becoming more desensitized? Am I caring less? Neither of those options can be good. This has been in the back of my mind.
I think I'm done blogging for the day. Hope everyone has a great Saturday. Stay out of the heat :)
It's Coming!
I saw it about a week ago and didn't believe it. Today I got a picture for proof. I present, ladies and gentlemen, the beginning of fall.......
I also took a couple pictures on the way to work of the river. Caught a duck or two :)
I also took a couple pictures on the way to work of the river. Caught a duck or two :)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tonight You Get A Piece Of Me
There's been a bit of a surreal feeling lately. The common word for the past 2-3 days is 'synchronicity' (look, I'm even giving it its own label). And every time I spell the word it gets underlined in red and the web is telling me it's not a real word. Too bad. It's fitting so I'm going to use it. I had lunch with a girlfriend a couple days ago (we've known each other since high school, but haven't seen each other since then) and we talked about how well her life is going and how everything's fallen into place; that there was a sort of.. synchronicity.. in the universe. When she moved to another city for a job, there were random, though similar events (sorry, sounds odd and vague but I don't want to give away details to her life) that lead her to where she is now. Then the 'synchronicity' topic got pulled into conversation when I met someone for coffee last night; a series of random, yet similar events that lead to... how things should be (for lack of better terms). Or perhaps, that things are going along as they should. Does any of this make sense? I hope so. I'm not sure how else to describe it. I just... can't wrap my head around all this. It's like two worlds colliding. Or is it meshing?
Random fact and question for the day: is it possible to meet with someone for coffee (someone you're meeting for the first time) and come home and realize there's something missing in your life? That this person 'pulled' that feeling from you? I can't articulate what this feeling is. I can identify it's emotional. I was just talking about it with a friend and I described it as, "... like something familiar was taken away from you and then there's that void". Whatever that *void* is. Even talking about it now I can feel it. It's in my solar plexus. I know what I've felt there before and it makes me leery. I had a feeling this person was going to be significant but I wasn't sure how.
On a separate side note, a friend texted me they were having not only a bad day, but a bad week. My reply was brief, although sympathetic. It wasn't enough of what this person needed and I got a little yelled at (don't worry, I didn't take it personally; we're cool with each other like that). Apparently they needed to talk and I didn't fill that need right away for them. I've been called on this before. Listen, I can't effing read minds. If you need to talk, tell me. Having said that, perhaps I should have inquired more. I don't know. I was in the middle of a movie (an emotional one for me) and my mind was somewhere else (trying to escape from my own day).
It's been a weird day and I'm spent. 'Night.
Random fact and question for the day: is it possible to meet with someone for coffee (someone you're meeting for the first time) and come home and realize there's something missing in your life? That this person 'pulled' that feeling from you? I can't articulate what this feeling is. I can identify it's emotional. I was just talking about it with a friend and I described it as, "... like something familiar was taken away from you and then there's that void". Whatever that *void* is. Even talking about it now I can feel it. It's in my solar plexus. I know what I've felt there before and it makes me leery. I had a feeling this person was going to be significant but I wasn't sure how.
On a separate side note, a friend texted me they were having not only a bad day, but a bad week. My reply was brief, although sympathetic. It wasn't enough of what this person needed and I got a little yelled at (don't worry, I didn't take it personally; we're cool with each other like that). Apparently they needed to talk and I didn't fill that need right away for them. I've been called on this before. Listen, I can't effing read minds. If you need to talk, tell me. Having said that, perhaps I should have inquired more. I don't know. I was in the middle of a movie (an emotional one for me) and my mind was somewhere else (trying to escape from my own day).
It's been a weird day and I'm spent. 'Night.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Mindfully Numb
Summer is kind of funny, I guess, because your schedule has a potential to be all sporadic. Even for someone like me who has a non-active social life, apparently. I keep saying I don't have a social life, yet everyday for the past 4 days off I've had plans. Even when it's quiet, on any given week I can make plans with a friend for coffee. In the past week alone I've made 2 new friends. So I guess if I ever bitch I don't have a social life, you have permission to smack me aside the head and point out the fact I have friends I can call for coffee if I wanted.
The last four days off have been very relaxing. At this point, though, you get used to the time off and dread going back to the grind. But.. such is life.
I've written and re-written a couple of paragraphs. I just can't seem to...make things come out right. I know I've been writing less this summer, but it seems I've had more going on in my head. A lot more to sort out. New thinking processes, new coping mechanisms for new things, new (or at least different) challenges. So please forgive me, faithful reader, for not writing as often as I should. Right now I just... can't.
As a side note, if you are a personal friend to me and we haven't been in contact lately, please don't hesitate to drop me a line. This whole "sorting things out in my head" extends far beyond this blog page. It doesn't mean I don't want to talk or catch up. Writing a quick message on Facebook or an email to simply say hello is *very* difficult for me right now (sounds rediculous, doesn't it?), so please take the initiative.
They say having a clean, tidy house or an unmade bed ("messy bed, messy head") are representations of our mind... but my house is clean, my bed is made, yet I am still mentally cluttered. So much that it starts to shut other things down or out. So.... I don't know what to say about that.
The last four days off have been very relaxing. At this point, though, you get used to the time off and dread going back to the grind. But.. such is life.
I've written and re-written a couple of paragraphs. I just can't seem to...make things come out right. I know I've been writing less this summer, but it seems I've had more going on in my head. A lot more to sort out. New thinking processes, new coping mechanisms for new things, new (or at least different) challenges. So please forgive me, faithful reader, for not writing as often as I should. Right now I just... can't.
As a side note, if you are a personal friend to me and we haven't been in contact lately, please don't hesitate to drop me a line. This whole "sorting things out in my head" extends far beyond this blog page. It doesn't mean I don't want to talk or catch up. Writing a quick message on Facebook or an email to simply say hello is *very* difficult for me right now (sounds rediculous, doesn't it?), so please take the initiative.
They say having a clean, tidy house or an unmade bed ("messy bed, messy head") are representations of our mind... but my house is clean, my bed is made, yet I am still mentally cluttered. So much that it starts to shut other things down or out. So.... I don't know what to say about that.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Lazy Hazy Day
Been taking it easy today. Last nights escapades were one for the books (I'll refrain from telling you how much I had to drink, only that surprisingly, I was still standing after). The evening ended with a discussion with a very attractive man :)
Babu's also taking it easy today; he's under the covers. I came home to find him with his head peaking out, near the pillow. Right now he's just a ball under the covers.
Went to market this morning in hopes to find peaches, but none were obtained for canning (those are due in a couple weeks, apparently. Just got a few for eating). Also got some carrots for snacking and pesticide-free corn on the cob.
The temperatures have been MUCH better for sleeping the past couple nights. It was as low as 11C, I think last night. Today is sitting at a very comfortable and non-humid 22C (72F for the rest of you). My ideal weather conditions.
I haven't gone swimming lately, which has me greatly annoyed. My body, it seems, is still regulating itself post-pill and the regular irregularity (or is that irregular regularity?) is gone. That's all I have to say about that.
I have been greatly calmed without having to worry about studies, though I'll admit part of me wants to sink my teeth into something new in the fall. Oh to resist the temptation.......
I'm sitting with a self-made mint tea (hot water, mint leaves), loving the breeze coming through the window. I think I'll sit back and read a bit; enjoy the quiet. I'm also going to ponder what my plans will be this fall. All of my plans I had sprouting in my head have fallen through so I have to start from scratch and devise something new. Perhaps a time to think out of the box? I definitely need to stop worrying and have more faith He will take care of things.
Hope everyone's having a fabulous weekend! I'll be getting together with friends off and on between now and Sunday. Hope you get to connect with someone that matters to you, too! :)
Babu's also taking it easy today; he's under the covers. I came home to find him with his head peaking out, near the pillow. Right now he's just a ball under the covers.
Went to market this morning in hopes to find peaches, but none were obtained for canning (those are due in a couple weeks, apparently. Just got a few for eating). Also got some carrots for snacking and pesticide-free corn on the cob.
The temperatures have been MUCH better for sleeping the past couple nights. It was as low as 11C, I think last night. Today is sitting at a very comfortable and non-humid 22C (72F for the rest of you). My ideal weather conditions.
I haven't gone swimming lately, which has me greatly annoyed. My body, it seems, is still regulating itself post-pill and the regular irregularity (or is that irregular regularity?) is gone. That's all I have to say about that.
I have been greatly calmed without having to worry about studies, though I'll admit part of me wants to sink my teeth into something new in the fall. Oh to resist the temptation.......
I'm sitting with a self-made mint tea (hot water, mint leaves), loving the breeze coming through the window. I think I'll sit back and read a bit; enjoy the quiet. I'm also going to ponder what my plans will be this fall. All of my plans I had sprouting in my head have fallen through so I have to start from scratch and devise something new. Perhaps a time to think out of the box? I definitely need to stop worrying and have more faith He will take care of things.
Hope everyone's having a fabulous weekend! I'll be getting together with friends off and on between now and Sunday. Hope you get to connect with someone that matters to you, too! :)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Impact
I've thought and observed over the past couple days, the impact we can have on people. Family, friends, co-workers. What we do affects them. We don't think it does and I'm sure most of us on any given day don't sit back and think, "I wonder if when I do ..this.. how it'll affect so-and-so". But who we affect and HOW we affect them can have impacts on our lives, too. Am I making any sense, yet?
I was at work a couple days ago when a co-worker who's become a good friend came to me venting about her life (her ex-husband and the ass he's being and how it has a domino effect on her and the kids, etc). We've become so trusting ('we' as a society, not just 'we' her and I). She came barging into my NC that night, closed the door and just started talking. I sat back and listened... and this is when I started to reflect. That trust that I've so conspicuously gained from her is precious and I don't want to break it. We've impacted each others lives enough to become not just a co-worker, but a confidant.
Then I got thinking on a totally opposite spectrum. When I told my family years ago that I was converting to the Church, one member of said family was a little (when I say a little I mean a lot) shocked and couldn't understand why. They later described to me why their reaction was this way and how the Church has impacted them. I've now re-impacted that plethora of past, present and painful, challenging thoughts that they never thought they'd have to encounter again.
On a totally different level, some of us think about what we do and how it impacts God. Some people involve the thought process, "What would Jesus do in this situation?" but I have not yet the discipline for that. What we do *does* affect Him and although we don't always think of it at the time, it is stored in a little safe until it's time for review, reflection and judgement (purgatory if need be). Do we alter our actions now or be completely unconscious and oblivious to them and "save them up" until Judgement Day?
My ex once told me what I did affects him (it was about a situation with some particular actions I'd done he didn't approve of; which is funny because in retrospect, it didn't really affect him at all, though I understand what he was trying to say). What he didn't realize was his actions were also affecting me (I could list the ones in mind now, but I'll spare you. I'm trying not to make this a venting post). He was right; what I did, DID affect him. Our actions impacted and affected each other. How conscious were we of that? How much in tune? How much....care and empathy was offered?
I've been sitting for the past 5 minutes staring at the screen trying to figure out how to end this post. I don't know WHY I think of these things, I just do. Some things in my life right now have caused me to take a look at the world around me in a different way. This was the result :)
I was at work a couple days ago when a co-worker who's become a good friend came to me venting about her life (her ex-husband and the ass he's being and how it has a domino effect on her and the kids, etc). We've become so trusting ('we' as a society, not just 'we' her and I). She came barging into my NC that night, closed the door and just started talking. I sat back and listened... and this is when I started to reflect. That trust that I've so conspicuously gained from her is precious and I don't want to break it. We've impacted each others lives enough to become not just a co-worker, but a confidant.
Then I got thinking on a totally opposite spectrum. When I told my family years ago that I was converting to the Church, one member of said family was a little (when I say a little I mean a lot) shocked and couldn't understand why. They later described to me why their reaction was this way and how the Church has impacted them. I've now re-impacted that plethora of past, present and painful, challenging thoughts that they never thought they'd have to encounter again.
On a totally different level, some of us think about what we do and how it impacts God. Some people involve the thought process, "What would Jesus do in this situation?" but I have not yet the discipline for that. What we do *does* affect Him and although we don't always think of it at the time, it is stored in a little safe until it's time for review, reflection and judgement (purgatory if need be). Do we alter our actions now or be completely unconscious and oblivious to them and "save them up" until Judgement Day?
My ex once told me what I did affects him (it was about a situation with some particular actions I'd done he didn't approve of; which is funny because in retrospect, it didn't really affect him at all, though I understand what he was trying to say). What he didn't realize was his actions were also affecting me (I could list the ones in mind now, but I'll spare you. I'm trying not to make this a venting post). He was right; what I did, DID affect him. Our actions impacted and affected each other. How conscious were we of that? How much in tune? How much....care and empathy was offered?
I've been sitting for the past 5 minutes staring at the screen trying to figure out how to end this post. I don't know WHY I think of these things, I just do. Some things in my life right now have caused me to take a look at the world around me in a different way. This was the result :)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
On My Walk To Work...
I came across a few things I decided to take pictures of on my walk to work the other day (sorry, I'm slow getting these up).
....like this little guy who was so friendly to run over to me.
I forgot to look at his tag to check his (her?) name, so maybe next time. He came over for a few pets, got what he needed and walked away :)
I don't know much about tree species and their illnesses, but something seemed wrong with this tree. He had no leaves and this stuff growing out of him.
Another close-up.
There was a second one with this little guy. I think he's new this year; looks young and female.
Fruit salad, anyone? Kiwi, apple, peach, blueberries, watermelon and strawberries. YUM. Oh, and yogurt :)
Babu, after *such* a hard day. Oh woe is me. I'm the one who did all the cleaning and he took all the rest!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Story Of My Life
"I always knew I'd be no one's wife. Not even yours. It's just that sometimes I forget."
~ Coco (from the movie, 'Coco Avant Chanel')
~ Coco (from the movie, 'Coco Avant Chanel')
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Taking It Easy
Well, the past couple days have been nice not having the stress of waiting for my course to be done. I'm finally able to get to some of the things I need to clean around the house and writing emails long overdue. Still have lots of catching up to do.
On the dating scene: I wish there wasn't one. Oh the drama. I had a nice guy message me a few days ago and it started to go well. He was an RPN in a long term care facility, a year older, good looking and seemed to have his head on his shoulders. Not so much. I'll make all of this brief: he lied to me about a) kids and b) religion (and these are major things, regardless of our individual viewpoints) so I had to tell him to take a hike (nicely, of course). So much for that. I'm only a little sad because it would have been nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day who understood things when I talked about work. Oh well.
Not much else to report. Babu is FAT. We both need to go on a diet. Oh yeah, I've been eating better, but have not been losing weight. Not happy. Haven't been doing enough swimming yet, so...
Am I forgetting anything? What would you like to know about?
Hope everyone's well. I'm trying to get out to everyone's blogs again :)
On the dating scene: I wish there wasn't one. Oh the drama. I had a nice guy message me a few days ago and it started to go well. He was an RPN in a long term care facility, a year older, good looking and seemed to have his head on his shoulders. Not so much. I'll make all of this brief: he lied to me about a) kids and b) religion (and these are major things, regardless of our individual viewpoints) so I had to tell him to take a hike (nicely, of course). So much for that. I'm only a little sad because it would have been nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day who understood things when I talked about work. Oh well.
Not much else to report. Babu is FAT. We both need to go on a diet. Oh yeah, I've been eating better, but have not been losing weight. Not happy. Haven't been doing enough swimming yet, so...
Am I forgetting anything? What would you like to know about?
Hope everyone's well. I'm trying to get out to everyone's blogs again :)
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