A New Week

Well, yet a new week begins.

Sorry for being quiet lately.  Been a little busy and haven't had much to say.  All the new issues have settled and as I'm not "okay" with them, per se, I'm not freaking out anymore :)  My mind has been constantly going non-stop, though and I'm ready any day now for it to settle down.  But, this is how I work.

Had a great weekend... and it's still going!  Friday night I just stayed in.  Spoke with a guy who messaged me off a dating site and we sat online and talked for 4 hours.  After that I thought it was okay to meet him, so we discussed getting together Saturday.  Saturday morning I went to market with a friend and bought a flat of strawberries (wasn't sure how much I'd need for jam.. all I wrote down was "6 lbs".. which is a lot).  I couldn't understand last time I made them (per my notes), why I'd want to make 24 jars.  Anyhoo.. I had a bunch of things going on Saturday and although I wasn't able to make the jam, I was able to crush the berries (so the whole berry wouldn't go bad in the fridge).  Saturday night S. and I decided we'd have that first date and picked a place downtown to meet.  It went really, really well.  I think we sat through 2 dinner services and we closed the place down.  Talked for just over 2.5 hrs.  He had to get home and get some rest for work, so we parted ways with a kiss and a hug and I walked home with a smile on my face.  Now, we each had the poached chicken and I got a little sick off it (that evening and the next morning), but it passed quickly. We've talked a little since, but he's on nights for a few days so communication will be low.  I'm anxious and scared at the same time... but as long as it goes slow.. I'm happy to see where it goes :)  I'll keep you posted!

Sunday was Mass, then breakfast with a few friends (CZ, her boyfriend and a mutual friend of ours who was home from out-of-town).  Laughs were had by all, though I think we were all tired, so things seemed funnier than normal :)  Went to Symphony in the Park and that was nice.  Some sun, some clouds, some rain but very enjoyable.  Came home, had a light dinner and finished the rest of the jam.

All washed and cut up, ready for crushing.  I started crushing them with a potato masher, but finished them off a bit with a hand-held blender. I prefer my jam more smooth and chunk-free.

Yes.. 20 jars of jam.  I had enough strawberries for the total yield, 24, but ran out of sugar (that's a long story).  As it is, I think it'll take me a while to go through these.

Finished jam, spoke to a friend and had a relaxing evening.  Today will be used to finish cleaning the place up (my OCD is getting the better of me) and do laundry, dishes, all the fun stuff.

Happy Monday everyone!  Hope it goes fast! :)

So True..

Thanks, Z&M ;)

Health, Expanded.. And Pictures! (but not of the health) :)

Well, I finally finished Jane Austen's Persuasion.  What a fantastic ending, to which I stayed up late reading.  I figured, I don't sleep well anyways, so what the hell's the point with going to bed at a decent time?  Now I can start reading, The Wayfinders (from the CBC Massey Lecture series - "Why Ancient Wisdom Matters in the Modern World").  Looking forward to that.

I've had the a/c running the past couple days.  Waiting for this heat to break.  Babu and I are comfortable :)

Well, I don't really want to talk about it, but there's no use avoiding it.  So.. yes, it was confirmed I have sleep apnea; something I was in dire denial about.  This is the one thing I *didn't* want.  It's only moderate, he says (apparently stopped breathing 20 times an HOUR is moderate).  He kept asking me if I was diabetic (if he clued in when I told him I was PRH he would understand I'm the opposite of diabetic) and if I've had blood clots (no).  I have large tonsils (which I knew about) that factor in a bit.  Then he asks, "Has your doctor ever discussed with you metabolic syndrome?"  "No."  ... .  He said it's hard to diagnose, but I have a couple contributing factors (which apparently is all it takes).  Losing weight is mandatory, but I knew that.  He wants me to get a CPAP machine, to which I said I can't afford ("Did you know the province pays for most of it?" "No." "Yes, and they'll just leave you with a bill of $200-$400." "I can't afford that.") but we're going to have a trial run of a CPAP machine to just see how it goes.  I also have to get a stress test done and a methacholine test (asthma).  I wasn't expecting to be relayed with so much information yesterday.  I asked if there were other options other than getting a CPAP machine and he said, "Yes, but they're more expensive".  With all due respect to him and his geniusness, I'm going to do a hell of a lot more research to find out what else I can do.  I see him again at the end of August for follow-up, so I have until then to do it.  Man, I haven't even seen the endocrinologist yet - I'm starting to fear that appointment.

I feel like I'm going to be dead in 5 years.  I've never had so much wrong with me.  What's going on?!?!  I'm 34 for crying out loud.  34!!  Not 84!  Hells bells.. that reminds me.. I have to call my gram to get an update on my aunt.  Alright, well, I'm too pissed off about this health stuff, so I need to putter around the apartment.  I will leave you on a more positive note, though... with pictures! :)

.... is it Friday yet?

A tiger lily, post-rain.

Babu, with his usual unimpressed look. He lays in front of the kitchen sink.. which can make it difficult to do dishes on the best of days.

When I was waiting for the doc in the pulmonologists office yesterday, they had this pamphlet.  I can't tell you how many things I find wrong with this.  "Pandemic prepared"?!?  And we wonder why people freak out; they're already subconsciously tense because of bullshit propaganda like this!  Gah! (And yes, that is the coffee mug I use every morning and yes it's Winnie the Pooh - don't judge :) ).

A little mini path I take on my walk home (this was last night).  The park is freshly cut, crop circles around the trees and that fresh cut grass smell... mmm.  If there's ever a scent of summer, that would definitely be one of them.

In a few days, this will be covered with tiger lilies.  I'll try my best to capture them.

Yet More Diagnosis

So.. I saw the Pulmonologist today and I do indeed have sleep apnea and something about having a couple components of metabolic syndrome, but he really wouldn't expand on that.  And I don't really feel like talking about it right now, so I'm going to go hang myself* instead.




*fear not, gentle reader; this is just my poor attempt at self humour. I'm just a little down today.

What I'm Grateful For.....

I was thinking tonight while telling CZ I don't need her help anymore for assisting Mrs. W., that I have some of the best friends in the world.  I already knew this, of course, but thinking about this predicament, I was able to ask a friend to help, which spawned into a small group of us helping, practically... a stranger.  They were willing to work within and around their schedules to do this for me.  See?  Awesome.

Well, I don't have anything else to purposefully write about tonight.  I spent the entire day yawning (most of it during Mass.. ack!) and now I just can't seem to get myself to get tired enough to go to bed.. and it's almost midnight.  I'm going to finish my tea, re-heat my hot pack for my shoulder and lay down with a book.  We'll see what that produces.

I hope everyone had a good weekend!

Sunday Pictures

Just 'cause I don't feel like writing about anything yet, I thought I'd share some pictures.

"Wut?"

The view from my pew.  I sit near the front of the church.  Someday I'll get a picture from the back.  Our church is huge.  Seats something like, 1000-2000 or something crazy like that.

Another view.  The stained glass there is from Germany.  At the sides of the church (pics to come), it's from England.  The Mary statue, which may be difficult to see unless you enlarge, is made of marble, as is the Communion rail.  I think the pillars are marble or granite; I can't remember right now.

Quotes

When we focus on ourselves, the world shrinks and our problems seem huge.  But when we learn to focus on other people, the world expands and our problems seem smaller.  As our world expands, so does our capacity to care.
~ David Wann, writer

Inner Ramblings

Well, I found out what happens when I have a high-carb meal after maintaining with higher protein; I get sick.  I had an attack at work today and I've been in pain all afternoon into this evening.  It hasn't been fun.  It's wiped me out.. so I'm sore, I'm cranky and I'm ready to just curl up into a ball with a book and have a quiet night (I'm reading Jane Austen's Persuasion and I'm near the end; Anne has been able to see more of Captain Wentworth and hoping they get back together!).  So I'll finish dinner, hoping it sits okay and take it easy the rest of the night. A diet change is definitely necessary.

There was an instance of work tonight with Mr. & Mrs. W; I was delivering dinner and Mrs. W. was having problems moving the bedside table. She let out a sigh, I helped her and asked if she was okay.  "Yeah, I'm okay," she says.  I looked her in the eye and I said, "No you're not".  "No, I'm not" she says.  She looked so sad, so worn out; then she just started talking (figuring people just need to offload and have someone listen, I took a couple min out of dinner delivery (ack!) to listen).  She's just tired and stressed out - the house is falling behind because she's so often at the hospital.  Yard work, garden is getting overrun, etc.  I listened with an empathetic ear, but I internally thought that I wanted to help.  But I'd need someone with a car to get me there; with my stomach I just don't feel comfortable, 9 times out of 10, to a) take public transit and b) go to unfamiliar parts of the city.  Which is unfortunate because then it wouldn't be an issue.  Rather she'd take my help or not, I'm not sure.  I was hoping to talk to her daughter tonight, but I didn't see her.  So.. I don't know.

Why do I get these thoughts in my head?  Why do I feel I have to *do* something?  It wears me out so much, but.... I feel this is God's plan.  I don't know.  Why me?!  Maybe I'm just overwhelmed because I'm so tired and down already today.  I don't know.  Is me wanting to help wrong??  It's definitely not something that people do everyday.  Just... why do I get these crazy notions?!?

Sigh.. I'm going to go read my book.

Pictures From Yesterday

I see a paw!! (I'd like to be doing this today, actually - napping, covered under a blanket.)

Zzzzz......

The park yesterday (I made it!)

Cute

I adored this, so I had to borrow it from Z&M (thanks!)..

Jibber-Jabber

I sit with my morning coffee, as I always do when I blog.  Classical is on the background (CBC - Tempo).  Contemplating what to write about first.  Looking out my window (not that I have much of a view), enjoying the breeze coming in the window.  Getting depressed enough that I want to shoot myself in the head.  The devil may win and I may need to cave.

Oh, I'll talk about my visit last night with Mr. W and his family.  I was invited in for a drink but I said it'd be best off the clock, so I went in after my shift.  Stayed for about 25 min.  Had a good time. They're such a caring, generous family - I was so blessed to witness this.  I can't get it out of my head.  Things like this really move me, because I guess I see so much death and sickness and depression around me that the great stuff really sticks out.  I'm all the better for it.  Anyways, visited with the family, had a drink (my new favourite drink now is brandy and gingerale), had cake (it was their 65th wedding anniversary!), talked with Mr. W a while, joked around and gave him a hard time.  At one point he was serenading me (*melt*) and when I was leaving he asked for a kiss.  I said, "Mr. W! Are you trying to get fresh with me? In front of your wife??"  "Yes!" he says.  I laugh.  "Okay," I said, "Then I suppose I could".  He's so cute.  I imagine what he would have been like when he was younger.

Testing my blood sugar has been interesting (for those that don't know, normal levels are between 5mmol and 7mmol - you want to keep you blood sugar in this window.  Anything outside of that is too high or too low).  I think it confirms the PRH.  After a full meal, my sugar will sometimes spike up to 9mmol, then after a couple hours, it'll drop down to say, 5 or 6mmol.  That drop is what I feel.  I'm not dropping below 4 or 5mmol, which would be characteristic of (regular) hypoglycemia, but I am dropping 3 points after a meal.  That's when I lose strength, get shaky, feel too tired to do anything, etc.  My numbers are often in the low 5's (5.1 seems to be a common number).  I find, though, the more I try to maintain it (more protein, less carbs), the more I stay in the 6's, and the less sick I feel (reacting via digestive tract).  So, I'm going to test that theory for a while.  Then I'll spike it with a high-carb meal and see how I react to that.  I have to try different avenues to get different results, the best for diagnosis.  I don't know what else to do, so I hope I'm going about it the right way.  Oh, and I've found after a meal when my sugar drops and I feel hungry, I may not actually be hungry.  It just may be the drop in sugar I feel, prompting the result to eat more (the cycle which I've read about - eating carbs, drops sugar, prompting you to want to eat more carbs).  So I've resisted eating at that moment (after checking sugar to make sure it's in the normal range) and to try to discern when I'm really hungry and eat then.

I've had 2 friends lately that are starting relatively new relationships. I'm so happy for them because they definitely deserve this.  They seem so surreal but so perfect (isn't every relationship in the beginning?).  What they have is so fantastic and so real and honest.. and I think this is it, for both of them.  But I tell ya, it's so hard to listen and not feel sad I don't have that for myself.  I'm human, I'm not going to apologize for it.  It just reminds me what I don't have.  My happiness for them, though, outweighs the need to ask them to not talk about it because if I were them, I'd want to gush about it too; when you're so happy you just want to burst.  I would never ever squash anyones happiness (and I hope when you two are reading this, that you don't keep it to yourselves, just for my sake).  I know, I know.. my time will come, it's just around the corner, he's out there just waiting for you...blah blah blah.  Thanks.  I know all this.  Yes I have faith it'll come.  But man... I've gone through hell and back...and back again.  Don't I deserve it, too?

Monday was my last day of physio!  Thank goodness.  I still have pain and my physiotherapist thinks it'll go away.  I'm not as confident, it's been 6 months already; so we'll see.  I can always go back.  They're such a great bunch there, I don't feel it would be a bother :)

Well, bathroom has been cleaned, laundry's being done.  After lunch and laundry, if my sugar is still okay (read: have the energy), I'd like to go for a walk to the park.  It's so beautiful out today.  I'll bring along my camera and take a few.

I'm.. how can I say.. increasing strength in a friendship with a male friend.  We'll call him D.  We've known each other a few years now (it's purely an online friendship, he's in WI) and we've just started getting closer the past month.  We flirted a lot in the beginning (okay really, the entire time) and we talk about stuff, but we've been very honest about things lately; realizing it can't go anywhere due to the distance (and other personal effects), it's become strictly platonic - and I love it.  It's so..comfortable.  He's growing to become a very close friend.  He's someone I can lean on for comfort after a bad day, gives me strength when I need it (and knows my weaknesses) and revels in my happiness (do I have any?).  I know this means nothing to you, but it's meant a lot to me; so even though I'm writing cryptic, it feels good to get it out.

Well, I've rambled long enough.  Best to get on with my day.  Happy Tuesday everyone!

Random Crypticness

It's so interesting to want something for so long... to dream it, desire it, long for it, wish for it... so much that you think if you thought of it long enough and hard enough, you'd have it.  Yet, when you do get it, it's *nothing* like you imagined.  And that's a good thing.

:)

Black 'n Whites

I used a feature on my camera yesterday - 'grain'.  This is what it produced.  I didn't touch any of them, this is how they turned out.  I kind of like it.  You can click on them to make them bigger.

Dining/Living/study room, laptop.

Close-up in the window.

A wall sconce.

Babu shooting me a dirty look.

Babu, watching whatever it is that he watches.

There's nothing special about this picture; I like how it emphasizes the already black and white card in the front.  These are cards I've received recently (I think snail mail is a lost art these days); one as thanks for sending a pashmina just because they said they saw mine and liked it, a card of thanks for a patient (Signora T.) and a "just because" from a friend.  I was blessed that week :)

It's Sunday

I have a bruise on my forehead.  No food in the house (desperately need to go shopping).  Apparently I'm having a shot of bourbon with a patient tomorrow.  I have to do dishes that have been sitting there for 3 days.  I can't get a Kelly Clarkson song out of my head.  I just told a boy I like him. Where do you want me to start? :)

Of course, your first question is about the boy.  Actually... I've already spoken about him.  Remember the dream I had (with the friend that I met in my last job) and I wasn't sure how to interpret it or what it meant but it made me smile?  I wrote him to inform him of the dream, to let him know he makes me smile (thanks for the advice, Bambi) and over the years, even though we don't talk much, I've felt connected to him. Well, gosh, how long ago was that?  A week or two?  He wrote back today :)  He wrote a few paragraphs and was happy I let him know.  He also believes we're connected to some people for reasons/purposes we may not always know and that it's important to keep in touch with these people, in however minor of mediums.  It was fantastic.  Well, then I was comfortable expanding on how I felt about him, even though I'd kept it to myself from it being so long ago.  I never really thought much about it and seemed natural to do so, given the circumstance, so we'll see.

Ha, I know, next you're wondering about the bourbon with the patient.  Maybe I shouldn't be publicly writing about this.. lol.  He's an older patient, not doing well, for the most part.  Don't know what's wrong with him.  Has good days and bad days.  I knew a couple days ago he's had a fantastic day.  He ate a lot, was talkative and I thought to myself, 'oh, he's gonna crash soon'.. and it's so hard on the family.  Their demeanor can do a complete 360 and they're a different person (if you've ever dealt with Alzheimer's people you'll understand).  Sure enough, yesterday he turned.  His wife, who's always at his side God bless her, was in tears, which almost got me in tears (I never know what to say).  He didn't eat, he was angry.  I was so sad.  Anyhoo, when he has good days, he'll say, "Would you like to sit for a bourbon?" (which I'm told by his wife he did all the time with his close neighbour), so I was honoured to receive the invite :)  Only, we're in a hospital and.. that would be weird.  Heh, well he asked me again today and I said "Sure" going along with it and there were hints that we'd have one tomorrow.  So tomorrow should be interesting.

It's important to me when I see patients not eating.  Besides medicine and (nurse or doctor) care, that's the third (in no particular order) element to survival.  For nourishment.  For healing.  When someone doesn't eat I keep them on my radar and watch them during their stay, following their meal (only dinner, unfortunately, since that's the only shift I'm on) and snack (if applicable) consumption.  I'll speak with the patients about their appetite if they're lucid, families if they're not.  If I notice they're not eating a common food, I discuss why not and if I can replace it with something else.  I want you to eat because eating gets you out the door.

Oh!  I have a work picture for you today!

Okay, so it's not a great pic (but I made it extra big so you can see).  This is one of our walk-in fridges.  These are the trucks that are stacked with patient meal trays that we take upstairs and cook in the ovens (I have 3 on my floor). There is a divider in the middle of the tray to keep the hot side hot when it cooks and cold, likewise. Mind the crooked cart in the middle, that's P's fault (she's in the corner there) :)

I was going to get pictures of me taken today but I was too busy taking pictures of everyone else :)  (One co-worker was even so dramatic to go, "YOU TOOK A PIECE OF MY SOUL! I WANT MY SOUL BACK!)... so I emailed him his picture.  I said, "Here's your soul back".  :)

The bruise?  My forehead and the door of the large fridge in my NC met.  Ow.

I did my dishes and swept the apartment.  More cleaning will be done on a day off.

Oops.. almost forgot: The Kelly Clarkson song I can't get out of my head (hey, don't judge).  It's called, All I Ever Wanted.  It's my new theme song.  I play it constantly.  I dance with abandon (and a little rage) in my living room.  It's fun.

Legends

I love this picture.

Later edit:  *sigh* Accept my apologies.  If I was on the ball, I would have labelled appropriately.  Miles Davis and John Coltrane.

*courtesy of the impossible cool

A Reminder To Myself...

I cannot dance, oh Lord, unless You lead me.
~ St. Mechtilde of Magdeburg

Mindful Musings

I really don't know if I should write tonight.  My mood isn't great, I was sick a LOT today and I'm feeling quite somber. But I haven't turned the lights on yet since it's gotten dark (I had a wonderful sunset coming through the windows but it's since gone) and I've got some jazz quietly in the background.  I'm making a hot water with fresh mint leaves picked from my window box for my tummy.  Dinner sat okay, so that's good news.  It's just a quiet, thinking sort of night.


Sometimes I still think about being alone.  It gets lonely comin' home to a cat...just sayin'.  I love Babu (although we have to sit and have a talk about him taking up half the bed last night..literally... and he made me sleep on the side that's not my side!! Nerve!) but he's just not quite enough :)  Though for a while I've been at a point that I'm kind of glad I'm still living alone.  I don't want to compromise for second best.  I'm happy waiting for the right one and I'm in no rush.  But then I think... how will I know he's the right one?  I could have bet on my grandmother's grave my ex was the one.  I can't trust my judgement anymore, now, after that.  So I don't know what to do next.  I mean, I'm not too worried right now because there's not even a contender, but, it's on my mind, cause I have to have my receptors up ahead of the game, right?.  Dating someone would be nice right now.  I'd still have my space (physical and emotional) but have someone 'there'.  My fault.. that would insinuate there's a perfect world.  What was I thinking.


Then I'm having moral dilemmas in my head on a daily basis.  I have options of... being with people (wink wink, nudge nudge) and the old me would have been right on that without a care in the world.  But the new me is thinking twice, hesitant, has the "what if's" going through my head should circumstances occur and yes, some of it is faith-based ("No I shouldn't and yes I should wait").  I have to be more careful since I'm off the pill and that has been a deciding factor as well.  It was a good idea to go off of it at the time, but hell... this is frustrating!  It's very hard to change... *counts silently in my head*... 19 years of... ways.  


Sigh.


I think I will go eat some chocolate now.

It's One Way....

I had to borrow this (thanks, Z&M!).  Please be careful out there! :)

Quotes

Do not free a camel from the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.
~ G. K. Chesterton.

The Suspense Ends

I wanted to be sure after I had an app't with my doc Friday before I started talking about it too much.  I've done some research over the past couple days (saving you from the long story) stemming from an article someone sent me where it stated some people have an adrenaline reaction to food.  It piqued my interest and after some reading I came across this... Postprandial Reactive Hypoglycemia (PRH) (postprandial = after eating).  It's the diagnosis my doc and I are now going with and investigating.  It's rare.  It's not at all like the regular hypoglycemia you hear about and it's sort of the complete opposite of diabetes.  The Wiki article I linked gives the symptoms (to save myself from writing them out here).  I've never been in a coma but otherwise I have all of those (plus more).  There's another good page here that lists symptoms and I'll list them below, because they're more "every day" than the physiological symptoms as before....

1) Shaky hands after meals (2-3 hrs). Cold hands, nose. (It would be 23C degrees out and my fingers would still be freezing. I could never understand this.. until now!)
2) Clumsiness
3) Feeling faint and have to sit down. Tiredness.  Lethargy.
4) Craving sugary foods (chocolate cake, cookies, soda, etc)
5) Sweaty, cold/clammy hands
6) Food allergy or frequent stomach upsets but unable to pinpoint the cause. No diet adjustments (i.e lactose or gluten) make you feel better.
7) Panic attacks or nervous disorder (this is why I said you weren't far off, Bix. I sort of feel like this all the time, but it's so often I've gotten used to it and almost have learned to ignore it.  There are moments where it's worse than others, though).
8) Getting or feeling hungry to the point of feeling ill.  Feeling the need to eat immediately.
9) Problems thinking straight.  Being 'scatterbrained' or forgetful.  Mental confusion. The lower sugar gets, the more difficult it is for the brain to operate.  (Prime example this morning.. I went to market, got a few things I needed, but my sugar fell and I had to get vegetables, but I couldn't a) decide which vendor to get them from, b) should I buy regular or organic? and c) it never occurred to me to ask them to split the bunches to individual items (too much for me).  So I walked around in a daze because I couldn't think and I just gave up and went home).
10) Unexplained mood swings. Irritability.  (I didn't connect my sudden mood swings to my sugar until about a week ago, and even at the time is was speculation).

In PRH, blood sugar goes down after a few hours of eating (2-4, though I'm affected at 2.5.  Most people, after a balanced meal, sustains them 4-6 hrs).  When you consume carbs, your insulin production increases.  If you have PRG, your body over-compensates, resulting in low blood sugar.  Insulin drives down blood-sugar levels while glucagon raises it.  If insulin is too low or glucagon is too high, the result is hypoglycemia.  Insulin also takes excess carbs and stores them as fat, locking them in (and the fat is usually gained in the belly).  Insulin triggers an adrenaline response, which is what I feel all the time (but didn't know it).  I hope I have all the information straight (and that you can understand) as I'm still trying to understand it.

I now have a glucometer (they're not cheap) and have been advised to test 3 times through the day, randomly.  Though I'm going to read up on when the best time is to test to obtain the best results for diagnosis.  I'm being referred to a specialist, an endocrinologist.  Very much looking forward to that appointment.

WUHOO!!!

Well, folks, I think I found a diagnosis.  I'm SO excited... but... I'm not gonna talk about it just yet.  I'm going to see the doc Friday and want to run it by her, first.  So unfortunately, you'll have to wait.

P.S - Bix.. you weren't far off ;)

Not Bad Today

I had a down day, after yesterdays post.  To top it off, my arm *really* hurt at work last night (it was day 7) and I had to get help delivering dinner.  Even carrying a full dinner tray, I felt my arm was going to give out.  I'm still sore today and will be telling physio when I go this morning and maybe get some extra treatment.

I've been laying low for a while.  Keeping my Facebook status 'offline', keeping most chats 'offline' or 'invisible' actually.  Don't really feel like talking, yet I spend a lot of my evening on the computer.  Habit?  I've got studying to do.  Last night I was just so damn tired I didn't bother cracking open the books.  Well, the new season of Hell's Kitchen had my attention for an hour.  I've been internalizing a lot lately - I go through these phases.  There's so much on my mind, that I don't care to talk about it with anyone until I get it sorted out in my head.  I thought about discussing some of it here.. but.. it's not time yet.

I AM happy to be receiving a visit from an old friend today.  We haven't seen each other for a few months, so we're overdue.  He'll be here after physio.  He's one of the very few that keep me truly grounded.  Someone I'm connected with.  Someone with whom we can pick up where we left off.. even if it was 6 months ago.  Hmm.. random... I just gave myself some food for thought.  I must go ponder this now.

Just Cause..

It's funny when you get a new camera, you can't stop taking pictures.

Babu sniffing the marjoram.

I forgot to post this girl with the farm pics.  A jersey.

One of the paths home from work, down by the river.  I'm not sure what these flowers are but they're all over the place.

A bumblebee on said flowers :)

A close-up.

Ducks!

I get followed on the way home sometimes.  This one was friendly enough to roll around for a scratch.

And this one ran right up to me.  I think it's the same stray I saw in the winter.  Poor little guy was kicked out of his home, I think.  Seemed nervous to be out on his own.  Now, he seems well-versed in the ways of the wild.  A tough survivor, this one.

Monsanto, Obama and Organics

After having read today's article, "Monsanto's Poison Pills for Haiti", I'm left a little discouraged and sad (it's an important read, if you have the time, not terribly long).  I get a little more sad when I hear Obama vow's for the importance of having organic foods and Michelle Obama's organic White House garden, then remember he's stacked the deck in the Senate and Supreme Court full of ex-Monsanto people.  He's a double-talker.  Oh, surprise, he's a politician.   /sarcasm

I look back at the last few months where some of my eating habits have changed.  Organic has really taken a part of my life.  It's been such a smooth transition, barely noticeable.  I can't remember when I started eating organic...maybe fall last year?  My knowledge has broadened, my choices more informed.  Maybe I've become more careful of what I put in my body because of all my health issues.  Part of it is, "I've had these issues for years and don't want them anymore so must find ways to change" to, "I'm not getting any younger.  The older I get, sometimes, the more problems I notice" and part just really wanting to take care of the only body I have.  I refuse - consciously - to become a health nut.  First, it's not my way (well honestly, I go through phases, but they're rare).  Second, I've just witnessed through my aunt's stroke and my father's cancer that it doesn't matter how well you take care of yourself, illness and chances of death can still happen.  So sure, I'll snack on chocolate, I'll have a couple extra cookies but I'll try to make the majority of the food I consume healthy and life-sustaining.

As a side note, I found this website today - the Organic Consumers Association.  It's U.S-based and seems to have good information, articles.  There are also different newsletters you can sign up for, too.  While I'm on the web page train, I found this site not too long ago.. Organic A to Z.  Great stuff on here (including an entry on why to use cast iron over teflon - which I already knew, but gave me the right motivation at the time to change).  I'm just disappointed it hasn't been written in lately.

Well, I've stopped scouring the interwebs for organic stuff.  I'm coming across too much about BP and it makes me so sad.  Maybe Bishop U. was right.. I'm developing a sensitive conscience.  Ugh.