Date Set

I have a date.  A date with a plane and a date with a very wonderful Dutch man.

The ticket has been bought.  But.. I'm not announcing that date yet.  Give me a day for it to sink in and then I will do a mass announcement.

Holy shit.  I just bought a plane ticket to Europe.  To move.  To live, to work in another country.  Wow.

W. and I had a very serious talk at zero-hour before I confirmed my purchase; what it would mean for us, how we'll continue to proceed in our relationship, acknowledging there will be good days and bad, but every day I will make a very conscious decision and choose to love him and choose to make an effort in our relationship and our lives - and that effort will be happily be met and returned.

For now.. I am very tired and very overwhelmed.  Not only have I dealt with the good today, but the past 24hrs I have also dealt with the not-so-good (Babu and finding him a home).  To say it's heartbreaking is saying it lightly.  And it's still not finished.

So I'm going to have a quiet evening, let everything sink in... and just chill.  I think I'm even too mentally tired for a movie.

Goedenacht.

Moving Forward

Goedenavond.  Hoe gaat het en met u? (Good evening.  How are you?)

Well, it's been a fail of a Lent so far (I wonder what 'fail' is in Dutch.. ).  I swore several times a day for the first few days, though I'm pleased so announce it's getting better.  And I ate meat last night.  D'oh.  But I've been successful in drawing every day, even if it's just adding to a current drawing (vs. starting a new one).

So... I decided to rent that room.  I made the decision a deliberate one, likewise for the email per giving my notice here.  That wasn't hard.. but it was...gosh.. I don't know what word to give it.  A turning point.  Once I sent the email, I broke into tears.  I sat back and thought of this place and all the purposes it served me; this apartment has let me grow into the person I am today.. and I'm pretty proud of who I've become and it's taken a lot of hard work to become that person.  This place has seen people come, it's seen people go.  Good things have happened here and very, very bad things have happened here (and once I realized that, I was happy to leave it behind).  I won't miss the 2 flights of stairs, the uneven floors, the noisy neighbours.  I will miss my neighbours across the hall and the ability to just be able to walk over when I'm out of a certain ingredient or need to borrow something or just knowing someone's there who's familiar.  In the new house I will look forward to a backyard (!) that backs onto the river (!) where there's DUCKS!! :D (Ducks make me happy.) and there won't be 2 flights of stairs to climb and it's in a nice neighbourhood (and for those who visit via auto - a 2-way street and parking!).

Whoops, I got sidetracked.
Right so, good/bad, coming/going.  Giving notice for my current apartment was the "there's no turning back" moment.  It was the, "this is getting more real by the day" moment.  It was the, "Oh my gosh this is really happening" moment.  It's, "I'm trusting W. with everything I have" moment.  It was scary and exciting at the same time.  And suddenly this whole thing became more real.  I don't just want to slowly 'jaunt' because-we're-going-slow into W.'s arms now, I want to *run*.  It's time.

Oh, and moving into this place also means giving up Babu sooner... which I can't think a lot about right now. And selling everything sooner than I expected (the room is furnished).  So yeah.

As of this coming Monday, 2 of the 3 pieces of paperwork I need will be returned to me.  I'm just waiting for one from The Hague, NL and off to the consulate I go... then it's the big wait.  That'll require a whole new set of prayers.

Well, this day can't get any slower.  I'm waiting for said friends/neighbours across the hall and we're heading to the Wooly.  Decided I'm going to have a late dinner there (spinach, beet, chevre and chicken salad, thankyouverymuch) seeing as there's not much food in the house.  That, or I'm being picky (entirely possible).

Hope y'all are having a good weekend!

Not What I Thought...

Well, if you're partial to my Facebook status this week, you know (or maybe you don't) that my gramma passed away.  I was planning on sitting down and writing to you about her, but I just can't get my thoughts straightened out yet to tell you.  It's something I'd like to do, but I'm not as ready as I thought.  I hope to soon though, because you should know how awesome she was :)

This was the hardest death for me to deal with, aside from someone else close to me that passed when I was 15.  I have no interest in rushing the grieving process.  I hate that part about death; it's (in this case) sudden, you have shock, you grieve/mourn, and life goes on.  I don't want life to go on.  I don't want to acknowledge the last and most-loved (and last remaining) grandmother I had is gone.  I don't want her to be a memory.  I hate that life is getting back to normal and I just want it to hold still and...not move.  I know it's inevitable, but I still don't want it.  Not yet.

I knew her death, whenever it would happen, would hurt.  So, channeling my (what felt like) inner 6-year old one time, I said to her about a year back, "Gramma, you're not allowed to die." :)  A bit taken aback she paused, thought for a second and said, "Well dear, someday I have to."  "I know," I said, "but you're not allowed to."  Gramma's are supposed to live forever, aren't they?  The warm, compassionate, unconditional love they give is irreplaceable.  Who else does that?  Not usually anyone else like gramma's do.

And this is where I get stuck.  I write a sentence, erase it, try again, erase again.  I'm not ready.  Talking about her will have to wait.

Babu has been pretty awesome for the most part, sticking close by.  He slept with me last night and this morning after I woke up and went back to bed.  I sat on the couch eating breakfast this morning and he sat beside me, a paw extended on my leg.  W. has been nothing but supportive and upstanding in dealing with gram's death.  I can't say how special he is.

I won't go without mentioning.... the bake sale I had this week?  I sold out.. completely.  All gluten-free items!  It was fantastic.  A day of such mixed emotion: difficult while in grief, high on adrenaline and 'customer service mode', exhaustion, elation.  I had repeat customers, and new ones.  I sold everything right down to the last bag of cookies.  I lost a lot of baking time with the death, but what I made was enough to sell out and give me some extra cash for my Europe Fund.

Today I had a day just for myself.  I got my hair cut, had a relaxation massage, a nice lunch out and some friend time.  It was perfect.

Tomorrow I'm (finally) having the conversation with my (other) parents about W.  Cross your fingers.  I can use all the positive thought that this conversation goes well.

I think I'll call it a night.  I hope everyone's having a good weekend :)
Goedenacht.

Sunday...

It's been a pleasant weekend, weather not excepted.  Walks were had (when feeling well enough, which has not been very often lately), spring cleaning has begun and Babu's shedding like a fiend so I've brushed him... twice.  Thankfully he loves it and it's an easy task.

It's nice to sit here and hear the birds again.

With said spring cleaning, there has been furniture re-arranging.  I didn't think it was possible (in livingroom) because it's not very big and I'm wall-to-wall with stuff already.  But, low and behold, a slight change and all is well.  I'm going to be a bit cramped more than usual because I've made a new purchase.  It'll be stuck in a corner but still takes up some space.  I plan to move out this year anyways, so I don't mind feeling cramped for a little while longer.  If I start to go a little loco, you know why.  Be forewarned, there may be "Not enough space, I need out NOW" venting.

I came across a couple of websites today which may or may not be of interest to you.  If you partake in Gluten Free baking, check out Gluten Free Goddess's post of Gluten-Free Baking Tips & Substitutions.  I also list her on the main page of my blog here, if you'd like to follow all her other regular posts.  I also came across "15 International Food Etiquette Rules That Might Surprise You".  A good read (i.e - when you go out for sushi, don't rest your chopsticks upright in your rice, representative of funeral traditions).  And last but not least, there's a quick-read article on Michael Ignatieff's view on politics, which is quite accurate.  Politics is dirtier than ever now and to make it worse, minister's have very little freedom at Question Period and everything is scripted.  Is this what we've come to?  What happened to freedom of speech?  Is 'democracy' an oxymoron now?  Harsh words.

Went for breakfast today at (new) potential job location.  The incidental meeting with the owner went very, very well. Keep hoping!!

Choir is still going well and we rocked it today.  We have a big (big!) evening coming up this Thursday.  I don't remember if I've mentioned this or not already, but Archbishop Collins (Toronto) was accepted to become a Cardinal (so is now Cardinal Collins) and he's from our very own parish, so we'll be doing a celebratory Mass (prayer evening? I don't know what we're calling it) Thursday night.  It'll be televised!  Eek!  We've been practicing lots for it, but wish us luck! :)

I'm going to take it easy the rest of the night and dive into the last? second last? Diana Gabaldon book in the Outlander series, "An Echo in the Bone". I'm not sure yet if I want to read The Scottish Prisoner.  Oh, btw, there's a special 20th Anniversary Outlander book.  I WANTS.

Enjoy your Sunday evening :)

Oh Monday, Monday..

Happy Monday.

Not very happy over here.  Well, maybe happy, but VERY tired.  For the third night in a row I got poor sleep so I'm starting to get cranky.

Don't have too much to write about today.  Babu's been on my mind a lot.  I haven't weighed him but it might be safe to say he's at an all-time high weight.  I don't know, maybe I should throw him on the scales to be sure. Per the vet's suggestion, he may have a slow metabolism, but there are also external contributing factors: small apartment (there's no room for him to run around), no buddy (also to help keep him going).  I'd like to get him a friend, but I'm not sure it'd be financially responsible of me at this point.  Feeding it isn't the problem, it's possible emergency costs that could come up.  Rare, but nonetheless, something I should take into consideration.  I'd really like a new place this year (and it's my goal), but I'm at an impasse as to how I should proceed; do I get a second job first which would help me afford a car and said car could dictate where I live (there are a couple places I have in mind)?  Or do I find a new place in the area downtown here where I like and then get everything else (job, car, etc)?  Gah.  If I find another place near downtown, it takes out the possibility of living in the country, which, to be honest, I really kind of liked that idea (if it were to happen based on the other party).  I have no idea.  Absolutely no idea.  Anxiety is treading lightly because I dislike uncertainty, but this is when one has to let go (and breathe!) and remember things will fall in place as they should, when they should.  But I'm telling you, it's very hard to do that right now.

Anyways, part of the reason for mixing the two subjects in one paragraph was... among the varying reasons I want to move, Babu is one of them.  This apartment now, is starting to cramp us both.

Work is going well.  And when I say well, I mean conflict-free.  For now.  I still don't want to stay there long.  You watch; I'll still be at that bloody hospital in 5 years.

Well!  Isn't today's post full of skepticism!  Bleh.

Okay, something positive.. something positive... the weather!  Aside from being a bit dreary today, we're finally getting warmer temps.. and sun!  Oh glorious sun.  With warmer temps and sun and (stupid) Daylight Savings Time, comes more energy.  Which.... goes away on said dreary days :/

Well, I'm going to carry on with my day, then :)  I have intelligent things to write about, but apparently today isn't the day to write them.

Bleh...

I have a suffering case of ADD so I'm going to make this post short, to the point, and blunt.  Roll with it.

My apologies for not catching everyone up on Babu who's unsure - he's doing fabulously!  He's back to himself, if not a bit better.  He plays a lot more now, which is nice.  I really need to get him more toys; something that's more interactive.  I have him on a good quality food and he's doing well.

I don't know why I'm so jittery and jumpy and have the attention span of a gnat.  I can't read the paper online.  I don't have the ability to sit and write an email.  I have the TV going to distract my attention because I can't seem to concentrate on one thing at once.  Not sure what that's about.

I've come down a bit sick and feel totally wiped out.  Slept 9.5 hours last night (unheard of) and napped 2 hrs this afternoon.  I might watch a movie, pop some popcorn and veg.  Taking care of yourself while your sick sucks.  All I want is someone to come make me soup.

Oh, I also have a Facebook rant brewing but I'm not sure where to post it; here? Facebook? G+?  Ugh.. I can't decide.  All I'm gonna say is I REALLY wish more of my friends were signed up on G+.  I'm really, REALLY hating Facebook right now.  Privacy?  Out the window.  Hey look, I could rant a bit after all.

Tomorrow's Friday; it's my Monday (on an 8-day stretch at work).  Hope y'all got a great weekend planned.

Catch-Up

Today's the first time in a couple weeks now, that I've had the mental capacity to do anything for more than 10 min at a time.  Okay, that might be a lie - I've since tried to do 3 other things within writing that first sentence.

There's mixed news on Babu; he gets better, he gets worse.. all on a day-by-day basis.  The roller coaster is exhausting.  I'm not eating much.  And that's all I have to say about that.

I haven't even thought about Thanksgiving until now.  If you're local and want to do something, let's talk.  At this rate with Babu, I'm not sure I can instigate/plan something, but I can definitely take part.  Part of me would like to hold dinner (I always like to), but I don't know.  I don't have a turkey.  And that's all I have to say about that.

Work?  Bleh.  This past week was nice; we had a staff appreciation week for our department.  Management did some cool stuff.  I won a prize yesterday (Gwyneth Paltrow's book, "My Father's Daughter" which in review to my surprise, is actually quite fantastic!  Will expand on it later.  A DVD from the American Culinary Institute on cuisine in Vietnam and the Island of Sicily and Lipton's Chai Tea which is the only pre-made tea that I've found closest to my own homemade chai tea).  But work itself?  I'm done.  Completely done.  And that's all I have to say about that.

My innards are good.  GF and dairy-reduced ended yesterday, but I'm still going to keep it up.

Choir is going well, but I haven't got my voice back yet.  I think I sound atrocious, can't stay on key or get there in the first place or hit the notes I used to.  And somehow, I've almost slipped down to alto.  I am, technically, a mezzo-soprano - I can do both, though I'm most comfortable with soprano... until now).  I hope I'll bounce back soon before Advent.  And that's all I have to say about that.

Otherwise, enjoying the weekend off.  I'd better get back to work; I'm trying to clean off my table as I'm having company tomorrow for dinner.  Hope you're having a great Saturday.  Get out and enjoy that weather & go for a walk - it's beautiful out!

Babu

Hey all.  I'm gonna write real quickly to debrief you on Babu.  You may or may not know, but he's come down with a case of fatty liver.  This can be fatal in cats - easily and quickly.  Their livers can shut down and stop working, which means end of Babu.  I have to force feed him by syringe, and it's challenging at best.  I could be wrong, but I think cats are the worst to force feed; they like to do everything on their own time, never mind eating.  And never mind having someone force food down their throat.  Anyways... yesterday was semi-successful - despite protest, he accepted the force feedings and ate some chicken on his own.  Today, he's not doing anything and he brings up what he consumes.  He's going too many hours without food and I'm worried.

Just wondering if y'all could send positive thoughts and prayers this way - we need 'em!  Thanks!

I Have No Title Today

It's so nice to see the sun out today, post-snowmaggedon that wasn't (sorry, but with all the hype I was expecting more, though not surprised we didn't get what everyone was panicking about).  You'd think we didn't live in Canada....

Had some good mat time this morning.  As you see, I had company....

No Babu, that's not how we do yoga.

Up close & personal.  If he's gonna get in my face, I'm going to get in his.

Peek-a-boo.... 

Big stretch!

This is what I came home to the other day.  I didn't even get greeted at the door.

Other than that, things are fine.  Nothing to report about work.  Unrelated, I have been struggling with my weight.  I've vowed to lose (only) 10lbs by my birthday (April) and already I'm unsuccessful.  It's a funny mentality; if I say to you, "Don't think of fuzzy, pink bunnies" what do you think of?  Fuzzy pink bunnies.  So in my effort to not think about food, I have been thinking about food *sigh*.  It's a lost cause, I fear.  And with my stomach being sensitive again lately, I've been trying to incorporate more veggies.  I like veggies, but to snack of them ALL the TIME, bleh.  I've never been THAT big of fan.  So what's a girl to do?  I've already gained 5lbs.

Having said that, I'm finding new refuge in the kitchen.  The past few weeks with having more time off during the week, I've been cooking or baking up a storm.  New cuisines, adventurous new recipes (mostly French).  I made a delicious chickpea (warm) salad a couple days ago (I can't believe how filling it is) with sauteed red onions and feta.  Yum.  I'll get back into the French baking next week when I get more moolah.  Working in the kitchen now is different than it was before.  I can't explain how.  I just.. forget everything else and concentrate on what I'm doing.  It's a pleasant escape.  Nothing *outside* exists *in* my kitchen.  Just like yoga... nothing else exists when I'm on the mat. When she's instructing us in shavasana (relaxation pose), she says at that moment we're not spouses, we're not mothers or fathers, sisters or brothers, friends or lovers, we're not whatever we do at work.  We just need to be in the moment.  It's very relaxing :)

So... I'm not sure where to go from here.  I'm constantly looking for new things to make in the kitchen and frustrated when I can't (mostly right now due to lack of money; I can't go out and buy a boatload of ingredients).  Ooh.. but I did make a stew this week.  Yum. 

It's Thursday which means choir tonight.  Meeting with a friend for tea after 2:00, phone meeting at 4:30, eat then Mass & choir. Busy afternoon.  Hope your week is going well!

Some Pictures..

Well, I'm uploading some pics from the past week.  A few Babu shots, cause, why not?  And of some baking I did.  I made an Almond Raspberry Clafoutis from a French cookbook.  It was DIVINE.  Out of the oven and warm it was.... mmm.  I also made a Creme Anglaise but I haven't taken pics of that yet (and it's almost gone!).  So, nothing fancy this week, just some random shots.

He has moments where he goes a little cat crazy and climbs the walls.  Really.  Maybe it's the ghosts playing with him.

See?  I don't know what he's looking at.

I walked in the door when I came home from work and this is what was waiting for me.  LOL.  I thought he was so cute with his head popping out I had to drop everything and take a pic.  Sorry it's grainy.

Eye spy with my little eye, someone that is... sleeping.

Unfortunately, the next few pics might be a bit blurry; it was before I changed the setting on my camera (to ISO 400).  Babu likes playing with bubbles.  He gets meowing and paws at them or lets them burst on his nose.

"Argh!  Give me more bubbles!!"

"... Please?"

"What? You're going to brush me instead? Great! I love trying to eat my brush that has a hundred sharp, spiky, metal things on it".  

Raspberry Almond Clafoutis.  Yum.

It would have looked prettier if I had raspberry sauce swirled on the plate, yes?  It was dusted with icing sugar and I fear it's all escaped into the white plate; you can barely see it.  (It's okay, it didn't stay on the plate long anyways; I had two pieces. Shh!)

Pictures!

Well, I've been slacking.  I promised you pictures (Babu pictures, at that) so here they are!

I laid the sheet over the chair as it needed just a little extra time to dry.  Babu goes to laundry like a fly to honey.  He'll find it, curl up and I won't see or hear from him for hours.

Cleaning.  Attractive, isn't it?

I got up close and personal with this one :) Click to enlarge.

I'd had my duvet out for when a friend stayed over. There's a cat under there, somewhere....

I think I see something.... 

Babu!

... and then he came out for air.

We were lounging around one day. My feet up on the ottoman (I'm only allowed a small corner, as you see) and Babu stretched out on the rest, having a sun bath.

I was going through my pictures and I thought I would treat you to a few of baby Babu, just when he was a little guy... 

Shhh....

He's always loved his windows.

He would lay in front of that fireplace.  Loved the heat.  Frankly, so did I :)

This has always been one of my favourite kitten pictures of him.

Pictures

While I'm sitting at the computer, thought I'd throw in a few pictures.

This one's for you, Bix :)

Just hangin' out.

Yum.  My neighbour has a part-time job baking organic bread nearby and I buy a loaf now and then.  It's as good as it looks.  I know this is really random, but I wanted to show you this amazing bread (really, who cares about bread??  Apparently I do).  

...and this is the yummy sammich I made with that bread (freshly shaved rosemary ham, smoked turkey, cheese, lettuce and I think there's tomato in there somewhere).  YUM.

That is all for today's randomness.

Still No Words.. But Lots of Pictures!

I still don't have words for you, but I do have pictures in the meantime.

Walked into the kitchen and saw this one day. 

He's cute :)

Those covers *were* pulled up to the pillows.  Not anymore...

We were getting some bad weather and I saw this sky as I came home.  I thought the different colours were fantastic.  Click to make bigger.  I also took another picture.......

...and I saw more of the two colours.  

I was making the bed one day.  Babu likes to 'help'.  Bunny-kick!

This picture makes me laugh.  He's got such big eyes.  This was after a bit of a pause.  "What do you mean we're not playing anymore?"

Play time again!  He's under there..somewhere.

I see a tail!

He's got such an uninterested look on his face.  "Wut?"

I received these battle wounds at the time.  Thanks, buddy.

Ahh... all tuckered out, now.

Ended up falling asleep under the sheets. 

"Say goodnight, Gracie."  "Goodnight, Gracie"

Random Pictures

Here are a few pictures I've had piling up.

Clouds from last weekend; it was super hot and we had threats of rain and storms here and there.  

Went out for sushi one day. Mmmm... tempura...

Mmmm....cucumber and avocado handroll... Oops, one of them has my friends tempura shrimp in it.

This is the church in my friend's 'hood that I spoke of going to.  It was quite comparable to ours here in town.

The fantastic ceiling.

Stop working so hard, Babu.

Hmm.. it seems I didn't have as many today as I thought.  Sorry! :)