The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

Well, the sad fact is that I'm house-bound today.  My chronic health issues have caught up with me and I'm having a bit of a pain day.  On the upside, I have enough energy to be in the kitchen in spurts (though I may need to lay down later), so I'm making grain-free crackers.  They're super easy and very good.  A guilt-free snack.  If you're interested, message me and I'll forward you the page/recipe.

W and I have changed our eating habits and have gone GF and lactose-free.  Basically it's the same diet I tried a year and a half ago.  Except this time.. it isn't going so well.  The more I think though, the more I remember it didn't go so easily in the beginning that time, either.  Still, I don't remember being in this much pain last time.  We've just been in this 2 weeks, so it's still early.  I need to persevere.  All of this is mostly what my blog title is about today.

I have been having a problem deciding what to write about.  A lot and a little has happened since I last wrote and most of the thoughts I have that I think I want to blog about, happen usually while I'm out and not near a pen and paper to write them down.  I always think I'll remember them and I never do.

Life in Dutch-land is good.  Spring has been here for a couple weeks, with the temperatures and greenery to show for it.  With the warm winter, I'm not sure what that'll mean for our summer.  We're getting lots of sun now (I think I heard March was a record) and it's nice to be outside.  I'm slowly putting pots out on the balcony (making sure we won't get anymore frost).

Choir is going well, when I'm able to go.  I'm sick (colds, etc) often since I moved, so I'm not there every week.

As I pass my time here I still can't believe how nice people are (usually, though there have a couple exceptions). I've been excercising my language muscles when I'm out more now. I've been developing more ideas for my business and will slowly start putting them into play. I'm happy I have developed a clearer vision.

Hmm.. I really don't have a lot to write about today.  Perhaps I'll pick another day when I can write something more specific.  I know it's been a while, so I wanted to at least show I was still alive :)  How is your spring going?  Your Lent?  Your diet?  Your friendships and relationships?  I hope you are taking care of yourself and all that is attached to you by faith, love or mind.

Completely Random

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the eyes and letting me see he's such an ass.  Why You didn't however, show me 6 years ago is beyond me.
Much love,
J.
/random
#cryptic (but not really)

P.S - Thank you for showing me now what real love is.  I am truly blessed.  You have certainly given more than I ever asked for.

Phew

Well, I'm writing sooner than I thought I would.  Isn't it typical, I say I'm taking some time off, then write the next day.  Ah well.  Hi! :)  I guess I haven't written cause I don't know where to start, there's been so much going on.  So... I guess I'll just pick a topic and go from there.

I've been getting back in the kitchen lately, which feels SO good.  I haven't baked much over the summer.  With the heat, it was just too much, y'know?  ..despite having an A/C.  The other day a la French, I made a Blackberry Butter Cake.  It turned out horribly.  I mean, it was edible for the most part, but I forgot a step and.. bleh.  Anyways, it's just another excuse to make it again :)

I've come across a few sites/articles I wanted to share because I thought they had some element in them that I agreed with, identified with or thought should come to light.
HP's We Respect Our iPhones More Than Our Elders (which, doesn't really mention personal devices at all, so much as getting and giving back to seniors).
Hp's 7 Laws of Fearless Living.  I *loved* the points in this.  Good to think about as you consider your current position in life.
CBC's Tropicana Orange Juice lawsuits question 'natural' status.  CZ CS, this ties in to something we were talking about before.  Folks, if it's important to you, know that the o.j on the shelf isn't as pure as you may have thought it to be.  But then, we shouldn't be surprised.  If you can afford to juice, do it.
HP's What's in your God Box?  Hmm... I'm going to let you read this one on your own.
Random, but The Traveler's Lunchbox, The Well-Salted Tart.  I want to make this.  AR, I think you would be happy if I did, so I'll get back to you ;)
Ah!  This was an interesting site; Wheat Belly (linked to About the Author which kind of gives the synopsis of what he's about) which exposes thoughts on wheat and the detriments it's causing to our health.. and depending on your current nutrition beliefs, you may (or may not, but I'm not sure how) agree with.
lifehacker's The Snarky Voice in Your Head is Killing Your Productivity; Here's How to Stop It.  I liked this, too, and have often found myself guilty (so often! eek!) of the negative inner voice and this will cause you to be mindful of curbing your "inner asshole".  Or at least, bring it to your attention and you can decide what you want to do.  (C'mon.. tell me you're not guilty of some of these points.)
This is a blog post on how to Scare Yourself Every Day, if you're into personal challenges or need a kick in the arse for motivation to try something different.  This may or may not be for you.
HP's Tithing In Canada: Churchgoers Divided Over Donating Percentage of Their Income.  An interesting read about tithing rules, practices, beliefs of different denominations.  The statistics are interesting.

Wow!  That was a lot I had saved up, eh?  I'd be interested what you thought of any of them.

The only other thing I have to write about is a new love; a dear friend of mine whom I've known for a few years.  The catch? (..cause there's always one in Jody's life)  He's in Europe.  Which means I have a helluva'n adventure ahead of me if it works out.  I hope it does :)  Think positive, people!  :)

Due to possible impending move, I've been trying to adapt to a more minimalist way of living. Not that I have a lot of stuff or am materialistic, but am second-thinking purchases.  Oh.. ha.. except for this.  Well, it didn't even cost me anything, but I have to show you; with my airmiles I saved up, I got a new Henckels knife set.  It's so pretty.  It's sitting on my counter, constantly whispering every day, "Use me!"

Ooooh.... ahhhh.... teh pretty.. (thanks to AC for photoshop)

I'm applying for a new job and need your positive thoughts for that, too!  It's in a kitchen in a higher-end hotel in the city; I'm really feeling pulled towards it.

That's all for now.  I need to make me some lunch.  Hope the week is treating you well.  I'll be hitting up the Jazz Festival this weekend with a couple friends (including a close friend coming in from out of town) and I can't wait.  My favourite time of year.

Woa

*gets smacked in the face*

holymotherofGodthatwasabigrealizationithinkineedadrinknow.


/cryptic


#selfwork

Also after having said drink, I really hate that I'm allergic to sulphites. *sigh*

Random

Better night at work than yesterday.
Back tomorrow first thing in the morning.
Bad dizzy spells today (almost fell over!)
Sore tooth; might have to get pulled sooner than later.
Don't know if I'll be able to make it to party tomorrow.
Work all weekend.
It's hot.  I dislike my apartment.  Though not unbearable.
I'm going to bed with my book.

Random

Bleh.  I had a bad day at work (we thought I was cursed) and came home, had a light, quick nap, ran a couple errands, came home, had a small glass of scotch.  You know things aren't good if I'm bringin' out the scotch (not to imply "end of the world" bad, just "I'm irritated and I can't take a single thing more" bad).  If it was "end of the world bad" I'd be kickin' back a lot more than scotch ;)

Chilled out, watched Chasing Amy, which lightened my mood a bit.  Many minor irritations were had before, and I started to have thoughts and flashbacks from last night's conversation with my mother.  I think about it and I get angry.  But my anger goes beyond the phone call.  The anger goes back 20 years and I'm dealing with a lot of inner shit I really don't care to.  The worst thing is the anger won't go away overnight.  It won't be solved with one lightbulb moment...and *that's* what makes me angry.  The past I can separate from; it's wanting it off my coattails, unable to kick it off that the frustration comes in.  It's a lingering ghost that's overstaying his welcome.

Well, it's a good thing it's bedtime.  There will always be time to battle more demons tomorrow.

Can you believe the week is almost over?  Where did it go?

Full of Random

I feel like I haven't written in forever.  More importantly, I feel like I have so much to say... I'm just too tired to say it all.  It's one thing to feel physically tired all the time, but mentally?  That's not cool.  Not cool at all.  I'd publish some fleeting thoughts, but I don't even have the energy to sort out what's in my head.  Perhaps tomorrow.  I will leave this fleeting thought...

...Even when I feel the shittiest, I'm shown that people care and I'm important to them.  I hope I can get enough out of my funk to see the effort they're putting forth.

It's been a busy week and I don't want to be around anyone anymore.  Nothing personal, I just need some 'me' time to regroup, and I'm not going to get any for a couple days.  Ba humbug.

I juiced today for the first time.  Love it.  Maybe someday I can invest in a juicer of my own.

Have a funeral Saturday morning to go to.  I'm sad.  This man was from our church and one of the first people I got to know when I converted.  A very sweet man.  He will be missed.

I hope to be playing tour guide this weekend, but I've received no call yet.    /cryptic

Okay, I'm done.  Sorry so random, but I'll try and post more later.  Week's almost over!

Random - Winston Churchill

I was searching on YouTube with hymns I'm singing this weekend (tonight, Friday, Saturday and Sunday - being  Easter weekend) and I came across this by chance - an homage to Winston Churchill that encompasses his funeral, with a beautiful instrumental version of I Vow To Thee My Country.  I found it very moving.  Now, I'm sure people older than me can appreciate it more (I wish I was alive in Churchill's time to witness him, but he died 10 years before I was born) so I wanted to post it.  Perhaps you'll like it, too.  The picture they post about 24 seconds in... he looks like such a gentle and caring man.  He had such a great job to do that I don't even know the full scope of (I'll add him to my biography list).  I can't imagine what it would have been like that day.  What did Britain's feel?  What did the world feel?  Were you alive?  Were you there?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Sir Winston Churchill's Funeral.

I'm Full of Random

Do you know how hard it is to find a journal to write in that's NOT lined?  Frustratingly unceasing, goes the search...

/random

Your Daily Dose of Random

*listening to myself on a recording*

.... do I really sound like that?  I sound.. different.  You know, than what's in my head.  I mean, I really sound different than what I hear in my head.  I don't mind it, it's just.. different.  I sound.. ugh.. older.. lol.  I don't know if that makes any sense.  I almost want to say more intelligent than I do in my head, but I don't want to get cocky :P

/random

Yes, I know most of us have experienced this, I just felt compelled to voice it today.  For your random enjoyment.

More Random

Reading back, I should have specified.  (Re: baking) I mostly meant about the results, but I guess I also mean the process.  Or I guess, the end result is a symbolic representation of what went wrong; if not what, then *something*.  For instance: I can whip up a successful raspberry almond clafoutis, tarte au citron, creme anglais, but I cannot, for the life of me, bake a basic chocolate chip cookie.  The lesson?  Stop making simple things more complicated than they are.

Also, chipping away at the surface is irritating.  You know there's a diamond IN the rock.  You want to chip away at the rock to get to said diamond, but it's painstakingly slow and it involves patience.  You have to have the right tools to do a successful job; you can't just *blast away* or you'll also risk breaking the inner core.  Sometimes you get a tougher-than-normal spot in the rock and you're there for a very. long. time.

/cryptic

Your Daily Dose of Random

I just heard that if you boil an egg and sing all five verses of "Onward Christian Soldier" you'll have a perfectly cooked egg at the end.  Anyone want to give this a try? :)

Rants

I really shouldn't watch the news in the morning.

There's this guy on that has a book, "The Science of Yoga" and claims yoga is bad for you.  He says you're tearing this, or over-stretching that which forms blood clots, blah blah blah.  Listen, if you're getting these injuries means you're doing it wrong.  If you're doing it wrong, you're rather a) being taught wrong or b) you're not listening to your body and you're over-stretching to a point past uncomfortableness, which is incorrect.  I don't think some jackass in 2012 can argue with CENTURIES worth of exercise.  Just sayin'.

There was a commercial on for Giftopia (giftopia.com - a gift registry for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, etc).  Have you seen this?  It shows you the "before" of someone having an account with Giftopia, receiving odd or awkward gifts, not happy from receiving said gift.  Then it shows the "after" of someone having created an account on Giftopia and receiving the 'perfect' gift and everyone's happy.  Hey.. how about you MAKE THE EFFORT TO GET TO KNOW YOUR RECIPIENT BEFORE GIVING THEM A GIFT. Novel idea, I know, but try it.  Another example of how technology is hampering our face-time or get-to-know-you mentality.

Oh right, the third rant.  This one cracks me up.  There's a Catholic church in Montreal asking the parishioners to pray for the Habs to win their games (they even went so far as to place an ad in the local paper).  They're basically showing even the faith has a sense of humour, and really, whythehellnot.  Then they get some theologian on saying the Church is just doing this to get people in to ask for money.  ROFL!  Are you joking?!  You couldn't come up with anything more original than that?!  "The Church" does very well to get along on it's own, thankyouverymuch, and using ploys like getting people to come to church to pray for a hockey team "for money" is.. just outright outlandish.  Crazy.  Crazy, I tell you!  Pfft.

For non-rant news, we discovered we were on the wrong track searching for ovarian cancer, like, the entire time.  Where they thought it originated in the ovaries, actually comes with much sooner (non-gynecological) symptoms and starts in the fallopian tubes.  Yup.  Not gonna be a silent killer no more.  No siree Bob.

Also, zebras are patterned because of horseflys.  /random tip of the day

And that's all I have to say for today.

This is what happens when I don't write for a while.

Tiny Houses

Are you interested in minimalist living?  Don't need much square footage?  Then these houses are for you!

I was shown today the website for Tumbleweed Tiny House Company.  It's crazy; these houses are like.. +/- 300 sq ft.  Some are even transportable!  And you know what?  They're REALLY cute!  Take a look!  They can have various functions.. as a little cottage, or a guest-house on your property, lock the kids away for a weekend... y'know.. whatever :P  Take a look! (D.M - remind me to talk to you about this.. I have an idea!)

Adapting

I'm painting my bathroom; I'm writing you as I take a break.  I actually got the craving to paint last night at 8:30, but I couldn't find all the supplies I needed.  Good thing; the paint had actually gone bad (not fully sealed, air got to it).  So, I talked to the super and we took a look at his paint collection and I found one I liked.  The paint can lied to me.  The colour example on the lid is nowhere close to what's actually appearing on the wall. It's a bit lighter, I mean.  I chose the colour because I thought it would mesh well with what's in there (best to work with permanent fixtures, yes?); the tile surrounding the tub is a yellow-pink, the bits in the vinyl floor tile is hmm.. I'd also say a yellow-pink.  The colour on the wall?  A blue-pink.  You see my dilemma.  Whatever.  I don't plan on living here much longer, so I'll deal with it.  I wanted change, and I got it.

I had more to say, but that's all I want to say right now.

Cryptic Post Is Cryptic

Sometimes the most awful thing that can happen to you, can help you learn something so positive.

Random

This is completely random.

First.. I miss studying architecture.  I watch This Old House and/or Ask This Old House and.. I just get home build/repair/renovation lust.  Then I get sad.

Second.. second... crap! I forget the second.  I had two randoms.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Another Vent

And can I also say, I hate the advice (should a man message me), "Don't answer him right away."

GAH!

I don't play the waiting game.  Mostly because I have a zero tolerance for bullshit.  If I have something to say, I'll say it.

Having said that, I don't want a man thinking I'm hanging on his every word and I understand the "needing to wait" crap.  But you know what?  JUST ANSWER THE EFFING EMAIL!!!

*huff*

/rant





Yes there's a reason for this post.  No I'm not going to tell you what it is.

It's A Good Day

It's been a good day so far, albeit feeling a little tired; I went to bed a little late and had to have the alarm wake me up (0630) but otherwise it's been productive.

I've been stirring with thoughts in my head the past few days about personal relationships.  I've blogged about this before; how do we explain who we're drawn or attracted to?  It's a mystery that still baffles me.  We can't control who we love.  What's even more frustrating, is that we can't control who we feel drawn to.. because that reason is usually unknown.. and remains unknown.. and that's what's so frustrating about it!  I swear, I want to hang myself each time for every person I have an unknown sense of being drawn to (don't worry, there's only a couple.  Well, when I say a couple I mean 4.. or 5.. or so)!  But, we have to accept these people are (or were) in our lives for a reason.  Some people can walk away and just accept that basic fact.  I can't.  I need more than that.  Which doesn't help matters because it doesn't make the answers any more prolific.     Did they stir something in us?  Were they here to teach us a lesson?  Were we meant to feel inspired from them?  Are we encouraged to talk more with this person and remain open to why they're in our lives?  What have they or will they change in us and our behaviours?  (look at how they're affecting you.)  Are they just here to stir something inside us and wake a dormant beast and drive us crazy with questions of the unknown??  Lord knows I'm convinced this last question is the 'answer'.  Or.. does that feeling of the unknown scare us?  Why?  What are we searching for?  Why can't we be content not knowing the answer?  Why are we so anxious to feel a rush to search for answers?  Why can't we sit back and rest our faith in the divine universe to show us what we need to know... *when* we need to know it?  Humans are silly, silly creatures.

There are, like I said, a few people I'm drawn to or feel connected to.  And understand when I say drawn, I mean there's this invisible "pull" that makes me feel that I need to be close with them, get to know them, and perhaps be intimate with them (this was a common misconception with me as they were usually always men, but I learned to read later this wasn't always the case/solution).  There's a friend's brother, a past lover, an old friend, etc etc.  Yes, if you were observant, all male.  Why this is, I have no idea, but I'm not going to dive into that question now or we'll be here all day.  I still have ties to these people in some way, shape or form for whatever various reason.  I *can't* let them go (read: I don't want to).  Some are new and I'm slowing taking the time to discover why I might feel connected to them.  Some are old and well, old habits die hard.  That's been one of my faults, you know, letting go of people when I'm supposed to.  I usually hang onto them well past the (relationship) prime.  I have my own reasons for that.  I'm getting very good though, at deciphering how long I need to hang onto someone, why and what my connection to them is (platonic or otherwise) and when to walk away (even if I don't want to).  Don't think I don't thank God every day I am able to visibly see some of the connections with people/friends I do have; for this I am fortunate and thankful and I cherish these people.

I came across a quote today.  I was going to clean it up (and did for Facebook) but... I love Kevin Smith too much to.  So, in true Kevin Smith fashion, "As human beings, we govern our actions with our deepest fears.  But if you name that shit, you claim that shit: let enough people into your closet and you'll find there's no more room for skeletons.  Leave yourself nowhere to hide and you can live life unguarded."  I'm gonna let that sit with you for a bit.

Have other things to write about, but will do in a separate post.

Okay, So I'm Not A Great Poster

So my posting frequency isn't as great as I'd like lately.  Sorry.  Life happens and you get busy.  Or in my case, depressed.

Work hasn't been getting any better.  I'm not going to say much about it here, but just going to say it's causing mass amounts of stress and I'm trying to deal with said stress.  I don't think I've been this stressed out for a few years.  I dislike it highly.  It's filtered its way into my personal life (read: outside of work) a bit and I don't care for that either.  But, I've got a few friends to help me out, so I'm thankful for that.  Asking for help is never easy, but one is usually rewarded when you do :)  CZ came over tonight for tea and we had a few much-needed laughs.  I needed that.

Health is alright.  Not bad, not great.  Well, a bit better.  Still plan to expand on this later.

I walked into an interior design store tonight to look at options for new sheers for the living room, and walked out with a phone number to look at a new apartment.  I'm not really sure how that happened, it was completely random.  But, these things happen for a reason, so we'll see, eh?  I'll talk to the guy next week for a viewing.  Of an apartment I wasn't even looking for.  Random.

I had a nap today.. and it was wonderful.  I don't usually nap, but after last night's late night (post election.. ugh.. stupid, stupid election) I had little sleep.  So Babu and I curled up on the couch together and dozed off for a couple hours :)

Well, that's all I want to write about for now.  I'm going to get to sleep, try and get rid of this stress headache (I don't get headaches often, but I have been getting these.  And Tylenol or Advil doesn't get rid of them..so I'm stuck).

I got a new smart phone (smartphone?).  How does one express proper grammar for 'smart/phone'?  Anyways, been taking pics.  Of Babu :)  And posting on Facebook :)  Hee!

Hope your week has been going well :)  I'm tired and babbling, so I'm gonna write more later :)