On Turning 39

39.  One year from f..  f.... fffffffffforty.  Gosh that was hard to say.  Am I there already?  When did that happen?

I'm one of the self-reflective types when it comes to birthdays.  Or at least milestone birthdays, or in this case - close - to milestone birthdays.  I damn near had a nervous breakdown when I turned 30.  When you're young you set the ideals I want this, this and that by the time I'm 30.  I didn't have this, this and that and when I didn't, I felt as if I failed. In reflection, how could I feel as if I failed myself?  Life was going as it was meant to.  It was society that failed me.  Society that builds up the "must-have's" for milestone birthdays.  I was given wise words by a then co-worker; the 30's is about relaxing.  It's about being comfortable in who you are.  It's about speaking up for yourself and not minding doing so.  You know what?  He was right.  My 30's were (for the most part) fantastic.  I felt more comfortable in myself than I had - ever.  I did things for me, not because of how others felt I should do things.

As I approach f.. ff... fffffff.... well, that'age, I continue to take stock of what *I* want in my life, not what someone else dictates for me.  My generation is all about shedding society ideals and letting go and having fun (at least, some of the people I'm surrounded by) and that indeed, brace yourself, 40 is NOT old.  Perhaps it's European culture.  The Dutch (for the majority) are very easy going and not about being held-down by emotions, the past, etc.  Don't think they don't have ordeals, crisis or difficulties.  They do!  But they try not to let it hold them back or ever miss out on opportunities.  They don't have the heavy weight on their shoulders that I impose upon myself (sometimes).  If they do I don't see it.

Anyways, when I reflect for next year, I want to try to let go of a lot of self-imposed barriers.  I don't want to stipulate, "I want to have this, this and live here and.. " because that's unrealistic and we all know as soon as you set a plan for life, it changes.  I have less desire for materials things and more for connections of those around me.  I have less desire for self-punishment and more for accepting and forgiving the self (a continual work in progress).  I've been asking myself why we think it's okay and conducive to beat ourselves up all the time when the opposite is true, but that's another blog post for another time.

I have to end this now.  I'm having a few ladies over for what was going to be a high-tea (W is working today) which has turned into sort of a potluck, mesh of.. stuff.  Long story.  I need to do some last-minute cleaning before guests arrive.

Have a wonderful day!  It's sunny here and it looks like it's going to be lovely.  Happy weekend!

Pregnancies (not mine!), Alcohol Checks and Moving Forward

Hello all.

I recently went with a fellow expat friend to a cafe to meet with a group of other expats to practice the language.  There's a man that leads it who's been in the country for almost 40 years and likes to help.  There were several of us the other night and it went well.  I was a bit (read: a lot) overwhelmed, but I trudged through.  I even participated a little.  I ended the evening both tired and stimulated.  I think I'll go back and give it a try for a bit.  Even if I didn't understand everything, I think it got the 'ol gear box working, y'know?  It already enforced more Dutch thinking through the week and even though it started to taper off the longer the week went, it's still good progress. W. was impressed with my reading/translating tonight.

It's also been decided that I'm (even more so) joining the magazine editors team.  I already contribute recipes, but now I'm going to be helping W. with graphic design.  I'm even learning Adobe's InDesign.  The guy who was doing it had to leave, so I'm stepping in to help out.  Besides, it's something else to add to the resume and it makes my not-working time more constructive.  All of this is good progress; I'm not working, yet somehow I'm being kept busy.  I'm very grateful for this.

I don't know if many of you have heard of Ello (https://ello.co/).  It's touted as the new anti-Facebook.  It's very simple and clean-looking.  You can sign up to be on the waiting list, or get an invite from a friend who already made it on (also) through an invite from a friend.  It's very quiet now with not a lot of people on it and it's still in beta stage.  Anything that gives me a break from Facebook wins, so... yeah.  I'll say that after looking at some people's profiles (your profile is public) that it's very much for the art or culturally-minded community.  Lots of art.  Lots of photography.  I'm not sure I fit there.  I used to be this person, but it's been a very long time.  I really miss Google+, I'm not gonna lie.  Not as many people are on it as Facebook (or at least they weren't when I walked away over a year or two ago) and you had more control over who could see or not see your posts, but maybe I'll try again and see who's lurking.  Last I checked there were new friends on that hadn't previously joined.  Google+ 's network is fantastic.  Much more user-friendly, I think.

There were a couple other things I wanted to talk about, but I'm going to put them on the back-burner and talk about them another time.  I wanted to share a couple of cultural differences, 'cause you know those are always fun.

So the other night on my way to choir, I was on the bus and when we turned one of the street corners, traffic came to a dead stop.  You know how it goes, everyone pokes their heads up and around to see if they can tell what's going on.  There's talk and guesses what's holding us up.  Yeah, they had an alcohol check.  So get this.. the set up is pretty much the same; cops in the middle of the road, stopping traffic both ways to check for alcohol consumption (on a busy one-lane street, no less), there's two of them per station.  They check you for alcohol alright.  They make you blow on the spot!  Every.  Single.  Vehicle.  Even our busdriver had to blow!  They have their devices with disposable cap thingies to replace with each use.  Our police guy's partner was holding two bags of them.  On.  The.  Spot.  They're not messing around!  I think it's fabulous!  MUCH less room for error, much less guessing (for the cop, and for you and your chances. "Oh, I've just had two tonight, it's a weeknight, a RIDE Program won't be out, I'll be fine.  BAM!  You'll be 'fine' alright because you'll get a fine). How it works after they find alcohol in your system, I don't know how that process works.  In this instance they couldn't have exactly made you pull over, cause there was nowhere to pull over *to*.  So I shall ask around about that.  WHY they're not doing this where I'm from is beyond me.

Gosh, there was another cultural difference I wanted to write about.  Hmm.. this one is kind of a two-parter that I don't have time for, but I will get into it a little bit.  So.. the list of my friends becoming pregnant around the globe is growing.  Had babies.  Having babies.  Going to have babies.  Your social life quickly diminishes if you are of the non-baby community).  Gah.  It's an epidemic everywhere :P  Anyhoo... did you know that when you have a baby here, there is help that comes to the house to help you clean (and do laundry), make meals, they make tea and cut cake for guests, cut your flowers.  Like.. the whole shibang.  I couldn't believe it.  Again... fantastic idea!  You're alloted a certain amount of hours (which is fairly substantial, from what I remember) and I believe everyone has access to this.  Maternity leave is much shorter though (compared to Ontario); 16 weeks (combination of time off includes both before and after birth).  I do side more with the year off that Ontario has; it benefits everyone.

I've decided to make (at least) one recipe a week out of my Dorie Greenspan's Around My French Table cookbook.  I've made a few already (and will exclude those) and have really enjoyed them.  It'll broaden my cooking and baking repertoire and bring new dishes into the house at meal times.  Much needed!

Okay, I'm going to take off.  It's Saturday, so it's sit-back-and-binge-watch-Doctor-Who night.  I better get the popcorn ready.

Hope y'all are having a good weekend.  If the weather is as beautiful as it is here, be sure to get out.  There is much colder weather coming around the corner.

Cultural Differences

I've been brewing this one for a while.  Since things are a bit stressful here, I thought I would make a fun post. Since I've been talking about doing this post for a while, I thought it was high time.

Births.  I can't comment too much on this because I (obviously) have not had personal experience with this.  However, being able to witness these experiences through my friends, I'm getting an idea what giving birth in the Netherlands is like.  Most births are at home (you can also go to a birthing centre (that is not a hospital) or a hospital).  The Dutch are very relaxed when it comes to birthing and very much believe in listening to the mother's body (not the many machines one would be hooked up to in North America).  I don't know if I would ever choose this option, but a lot of them do it without flinching.  Also little to no meds.  Sometimes they'll even start walking the baby on the birth day.  It sounds silly (really; I'd have to witness this to believe it) but they like to test motor skills - and they keep them walking!  We also have friends who started feeding whole foods to their baby after a few weeks (i.e very soft, very steamed vegetables).  I think this is fabulous.  So they're very much progressed in this area.

Deaths.  One of W's uncle's wives passed away recently (cancer) and I was informed the body stayed at home until cremation.  I'll tell you flat out I did *not* believe this one at first.  What has been considered an old practice in Canada from a hundred years ago, is still done here today.  Not always, but I think it depends what the deceased wants, what the living wants, type of death, etc.  I believe it's very rare for embalming (not typical Dutch practice) so they'll rent a cooler bed and place it under the body to keep it for a few days until the body will be cremated (I think it was 4 in this case?).  I'm not kidding you.  The body was at home.  They were receiving no visitors at this time (I think this is by choice?).  I take things in stride usually and haven't gotten *that* much culture shock here, but this one threw me.  We were unable to attend the funeral as it was quite a distance away, but I heard it was nice.  In typical Dutch fashion, they view death a little differently than we do, I think.  Where you and I might find it obsurd and unfathomable, they find it a personal way to say goodbye instead of in a cold, impersonal funeral home.  There's something to be said for that.  W. promptly told me (when we were having this discussion) that I was going to the funeral home right away and it's not open to discussion :)  I was okay with that.  Not that I'd given it much thought.  Not in this country, anyways.

The dentist.  When I went for my dental checkup I was surprised how little I was in the chair.  Maybe.. 5-10 minutes?  They didn't do all the stuff you'd expect from a dentist in Canada.  No flouride (I think it's discouraged here, but I'm guessing based on cultural observations), no cleaning.  The dentist does most of it himself; he looks you over, flosses, etc etc, but you're not in the chair for half an hour getting things done by a hygenist.  While I was very skeptical he was doing a good job, he did notice a couple things upon observation that you wouldn't know to look for unless you were really looking.  I've seen him a couple times since and I have faith he's a good dentist.  When I become more comfortable, I'll ask why they don't do all that stuff they do in Canada.

It seems to me there were a couple of smaller things I wanted to discuss, but I don't remember.  I think I'll wrap it up for now anyways since it's dinner time (@ 18:30 - late by Dutch standards!) and W. will be home soon.

Hope y'all have a great weekend.  Supposed to be a bit warmer this weekend, if not much sun. Get outside before it gets too cold to!

Thinky Thoughts

I have a few thoughts that have been building up for a while.  Or that.. my frustration has built up and I'm about to pop my top.  I have all of this... stuff... building up, like un-used energy, and I don't know what to do with it. Let's see what this blog post can do.

An observation I've had of late, is the word 'sorry'.  Europeans don't say it as much as we do.  Not half as much.  That's the one thing I (well, both W. and I, actually) noticed when I first came here, was how often I said 'sorry'.  We interject it into sentences or situations so smoothly and stealth-like.  I won't go so far as to say it's lost it's meaning.  I don't think it has.  I just think that we are short of taking ownership of it or our actions and over-using it.  (Addendum: when I say 'we' I mean Canadians. Americans use it a lot too, but I don't think as much as us, really.)  It came to the point that I would be out and about and maybe accidentally bump into someone at the store.  I would say 'sorry', cause that's what we do.  But when someone bumps into me, they don't say sorry.  I would have a knee-jerk reaction of thinking it was rude of them not to.  Okay, perhaps that's a bad example.  Or they'll cut ahead of you in an isle.  They don't apologize for that, either.  I view it as rude, they view it as simply taking their place.  They all do it and we both approach it with a completely different mentality.  One day a Dutch person said sorry to me and I had to turn around and look at them twice, it was so weird.  Now, don't go thinkin' Dutch people are rude.  They're not.  They're some of the kindest and nicest people I've met.  They just.. approach life a little differently.

Funny story; I was writing a recipe for the magazine and at one point I said (translated), "Feel free to add x, y or z to the recipe as other options." W. chuckles and calls me over and he said, "Um, honey.. this part here where you tell people to "feel free"?  Yeah, we don't say that.  You don't tell people here to 'feel free' to do anything. We were occuppied for 5 years... we just do it." Touche.  Fair statement.  After a bit of a laugh and feeling a little lot bad for potentially offending my fellow Dutchies, we removed it :)

So that's a classic example of their mentality, if it helps you at all.  I can't say I'd act any differently.

I find myself saying more and more that things are different here.  A part of me still expects some things to be the same.  Mass, for one, confession for another (these are just a couple examples off the top of my head).  I think these little 'changes' or frustrations are piling up and I'm not sure how I'm processing them in my head.  Holidays are different.  I've already said they don't have the same "whooplah" that we have for holidays back home.  Things aren't as commercialized here and maybe advertised a week or two ahead of the occassion (not 2 months).  My birthday is this coming Friday and I wanted to celebrate but a) I'm not going to celebrate it on Good Friday and b) this is Easter weekend.  Not a lot of people celebrate Easter (at least, not in our circle) but they may be out if the weather is nice.  I haven't bothered to ask for people over for a gathering, really, because I can't decide what I want to do or when I want to do it.  We also had plans to go away, but since then they have been cancelled.  This weekend is so much up in the air, it's making my OCD twitchy.  The only plans we have is his parents want to take us out for dinner (celebrating a double birthday; his dad's was Sunday) Saturday night.  Mind you, it's at one of my favourite restaurants, so it makes me happy :)  I really want to ask myself what I want and what's important to me.  Sure, there are a few kitchen gadgets I'd love to have (as I say half-jokingly), but I have everything I want; I'm where I want to be with who I want to be with and with a roof over our head.  What more can I ask for?  If I was back in Canada I would be having celebrations (multiple dinners, teas, coffees, visits) with the people I cared most about, but things are a lot different here.  It's rare to go out for dinner or tea or coffee.  If I really want to break it down (and be honest), I think I'm used to the anti-clamatic build up to events, and I'm not getting that here.  It's funny how much you notice it when it doesn't happen.  It's become so cyclical that it feels like something's missing when it doesn't happen.  So then I feel a bit down and dispirited.. and I'm not sure how to process it.

I'm not sure what to do for Easter Sunday.  Usually I would make a nice meal for a friend or two or three after a very full (in attendance) and joyful Easter Mass.  I would bake something special (Dulce des Tres Leche cake, anyone?).  There would be socializing.  And now... W. doesn't care 'cause he doesn't celebrate Easter, and if he's not ramped up about something, it's hard for me to get half as excited.  All of our inner circle doesn't celebrate Easter, so aside from (both of us) going to Mass, I'm on my own.  I have one friend who does celebrate it, but she'll be with her family (and please don't suggest I spend it with them).  I just don't know how to move forward right now.  I miss making a big deal of things.

Well, this post has taken a downturn.  Perhaps I should get up and get something done, move my right hip a bit (have been having problems).  The dishes don't do themselves, unfortunately.

I will talk to W. tonight though, and let him know my thoughts.  It's so easy to stay in your head about things sometimes that it's easy to pass over the fact that your other half can actually help you get over hurdles.  Even if it's just voicing your thoughts, it's nice to have them out in the open and not locked up.  It's easy to become independent (or for me, go back to my old ways), when we're really there for the other person to lean on.  And you know what, it's been a looooooooong time since I've said a prayer.  Perhaps I'll do that in my chores tonight.

Hope your world is treating you well.

Jobs? What Jobs?

So.. I'm really not 100% happy with yesterday's post.  I had a mix-mash of thoughts/emotions and I couldn't quite get them out and be as articulate as I would have preferred.  Yet it was a start and I think it's helped force me make more decisions (mentally) about letting go of this 'protection dome' I've created around myself.  I really need to let down all my defences (eek!) and get more involved in life.  This is my silent battle.

Anyhoo, the point of this post was to show you what I'm up against for jobs.  I believe when I first got here I told you I wasn't accepted for a job due to my age. This poster in a floral shop at the station is a prime example. Click to enlarge.

It says, "We are looking for an enthusiastic sales person/flower arranger (for lack of better translation), for 20 hours a week, must live in Leeuwarden. Age +/- 16 up to 19 years. Interested? Contact... yada yada yada.. "

 

Bah.  It's all crap.  Everyone around here is used to it but I sure as hell ain't yet.  It's all about money. Just wanted to show you that so you see for yourself that I'm not crazy :) 

 

I'm heading to the gym after lunch, coming home, having a quick shower and heading to the retirement home after.  Wish me luck!

 





Fa La La La La, La La La Laaaaaa...

I meant to come on here sooner and wish you a Merry Christmas, but I kind of failed at that.  Sorry!  So Merry belated Christmas.  Hope it was everything you needed and you were bestowed with the blessings that you deserve.

This Christmas was an awkward one.  No familiar faces, weather or traditions. I'll give you a 2-second background.  The Netherlands, as a whole, doesn't celebrate Christmas in any way like we do; there isn't the commercialism like we have back home (which I'm thankful for).  Christmas is for Christians and for going to church.  As far as I understand it, not about presents or things like that (as a rule; but not every house is like this. Some do celebrate and have gatherings!).  So no matter what we did, it didn't feel right.  Which isn't to say I didn't enjoy myself, but just different, y'know?  We opened our presents Christmas Eve evening (I got an mp3 player! It'll help a lot at the gym!) because Christmas Day we got up and out the door for Mass.  Then his parents picked us up at the church and we spent the day with them.  They even added to my snowman collection :)  Best of all, they got us a new toy.  Okay, it was addressed to us, but really it's for me ;)

A Philips (his dad works there) 3-in-1 food processor/blender/grinder.  I was speechless.  I needed these products *so bad*.  In fact, I even hugged the box (they've got a pic of that, conveniently).  I've even contemplated giving it a name.....

Well, not much else to say today.  I've got some organizing to do.  I might start slowly taking decorations off the tree.  We're hosting a brunch Sunday so I have to plan for that to shop for it tomorrow *and* head to IKEA to exchange under-the-cupboard lights.  I swear, we should have stocks in that company by now for the amount of times we're there.

Oh!  I almost forgot.  I met with Father from church (the meeting I mentioned before) and it went well!  In fact, he emailed the choir director introducing me; I wrote her back... and it looks like I'm now in the St. B choir.  Eek!  Next rehersal is Jan 9th, I think.  I asked her if she saw any problems with my low Dutch vocabulary to which I got the response, "Well, learn it!" (So Dutch.)  And I am... but since I've been learning general vocab and food vocab, I now have to learn music vocab.  She said she has an Italian with her and she does fine, so I should be okay.  And it's funny how I'm approaching it; I am resisting change so much and so worried about how I'm not going to understand things and figure I'll get overwhelmed and lose track and.. and... and I never stop to think that maybe people will be patient and understanding and it won't be such a difficult transition after all.  So I'm trying to keep an open mind. 

Cultural Differences: to note (before Christmas is REALLY over); Christmas trees - are (9 times out of 10) decorated with white lights, not Multi-coloured.  Heaven forbid you decorate your tree with coloured lights ("it's not as pretty") or - gasp - twinkling lights.  lol.  Hearing some of their comments make me giggle (though I do like white lights...).   There is your random information of the day.

Up and moving I go!  Hope you're having a great week!

There Are Good Days, and Then There Are Bad...

I went to the gym yesterday to meet up with a new friend.  Found her, chatted a bit and started on my workout.  Yesterday was just cardio so I hit the treadmill for a half an hour.  There were two women to my left who seemed to know each other and were talking.  After warming up, I increased my speed and started running for a few minutes.  They seemed amazed (?), said something to each other, then the lady closest to me looked over and said something Friesian with a smile.  I said in response (also with a smile), "Sorry, I only speak English." So she nods, turns around and starts talking to her friend again as if I didn't exist.  I received no acknowledgement at all. 

*blank stare*

Wtf just happened?  I was more put off by her rudeness not acknowledging me, than by her refusal to speak English.  This is what I face here sometimes.  When I say they don't speak English here... THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH HERE. 

When I detach my emotions from the situation, I can tell you she was startled at the English as it's not regularly encountered, probably felt too timid to try and it was just easier to not talk at all (at least, I hope this is it).  Was it rude?  Yes.  Is it a common response?  Not entirely.  When I ask people to say what they said in English, they get put off by it and don't repeat it at all, but at least most continue some form of conversation.  Also, if I step back, I could have approached the situation differently and responded in a way that was more open, and not perhaps closing off the conversation.

By the time I'd gathered myself together and thought of a proper, friendly response, they were done and had walked away.  Fail.

If I put my emotion back into it (like I did last night), I felt shunned, tiny, distant from a place I'm trying to connect, insignificant, like a jerk, wonder why I bother... I could make a list.  It also was a straw that broke the camels back and it felt 10 times worse than the situation actually was. It was another reminder that I'm the minority, this isn't my original home turf and I am of course the one that has to keep adapting, not necessarily them (at least I feel, more so).

My lack of response bothered me.  The past few years and the move especially, I've become this person who doesn't say anything, tries to be the nice guy and let's things just smooth over.  Anyone who knows me knows that's not who I am.  I don't get walked over.  I stand up for moments when I feel I'm being disrespected.  I give my opinion.  I'm a very passionate person.  I'm not a little mouse in the corner, I'm a raging lion.  Only, I know the reactions to the raging lion weren't always great and I have indeed become the little mouse - and now I'm trying to find a happy medium between the two.  So many circumstances have come up lately that this has now become something that I can no longer ignore.  It's time to change. 

How do you see this behaviour when you expected more of yourself and are disappointed on so many levels... and still practice self-compassion?  Brené Brown suggests expressing this intention, "I will talk to myself the same way I talk to the people I love."  When your best friend or partner is beating on themselves for particular behaviour, do you say, "Yeah, you're being a jerk. You really shouldn't have done that. What were you thinking?"  No.  We approach them with love and kindness and give them the best empathetic response we can.  It doesn't make saying that to ourselves any more acceptable. 

I have to practice what I preach.  Which is not easy.

Y'know what?  It really sucks having to be a grown up sometimes.  The only thing I wanted last night was to shut off, escape somewhere where my problems ceased to exist.  I wanted to not make an effort.  I wanted my home, my city, my street, my cat, my friends.  I wanted the familiar.  I am building a (fantastic) friend base here, but it just didn't feel the same to reach out to them.  I wanted to call someone up from back home, go for a coffee and vent it off and go window shopping. 

Instead, I cried it off, called it a day, woke up and brushed myself off and am trying this thing called life integration again.  Hiccups will happen, I know that.  This just reminded me to keep my wits about me and to try and remain more open to those around me who might have a harder time at adjusting to conversation than I do. 

In the end I am thankful I get to learn about myself.  Onward and upward!

Getting There

For the first time in 5 months I experienced a less than perfect transportation system.  While trying to get to an app't in Groningen, the trains weren't running.  There was a bus giving a shuttle between towns, but that would have doubled my travel time and I would have been very late.  So I wrote and cancelled.  Then I tried going to English Mass tonight in Leeuwarden. The train was late and when I got there they were locking up because there was no one showed up.  Ack.  But then a saving grace...

A lady and I were trying to get in, not understanding why we couldn't when there was a scheduled Mass (this is when we noticed them locking up).  The priest actually came out of the offices and we got to talk for a few minutes.  He spoke English very well for a Frieslander and I asked if I made an app't with him sometime, if he could talk.  He was more than happy to make an app't on the spot, so we compared calendars and we are meeting next week.  We stood and spoke for a few minutes and I gave him a quick "This is where I'm from, this is what I'm doing" blurb.  He actually has family in Canada, so that explains his good English (I find this is common with natives - the good English being because of family in Canada).  Oddly it's always Canada and not the U.S.  Heh.  Go Canada!  I walked away feeling lighter and more at peace.  Happy.  I instantly felt better than I did with my interaction with the Groningen priest, so there is hope.  Despite it being cold, he was more than happy to give me some of his time to stand and talk a while. 

I casually walked through Leeuwarden, enjoying the lights and shops being open (I guess this Thurs evening was a late shopping day, but not normally so).  While there was no Mass, I thought about making a night of it while I was out.  Unfortunately I realized I was still a good walk away from some nicer shops, so I decided to head home. I caught the sneltrein (fast train) which got me home 20min faster than the stoptrein (even though it was 5 min late as well).

Cultural Difference: Shops will keep one or both doors open to give an inviting feel for you to walk in, even though it's 4 C out.  You wouldn't see that back home.  So, they choose higher heating bills (ironic, for a 'cheap' frugal culture) for a chance more people will feel easily welcomed into their store. 

Despite today's train interruptions, I'm home safe and warm.  I'm accepting the fact I wasn't supposed to be in certain places today, or if I was, late. And that's okay.  I made a hot chocolate, topped it with whipped cream and caught up on Facebook.  I've got Christmas music plays and I'm going to write a couple Christmas cards now and we'll see what else the night brings.  W. is working late so I have a couple hours to kill, yet. 

It's almost Friday, if that means anything for your schedule.  Hope your week is going well.  If you have snow, throw some this way.  It just doesn't feel like Christmas without a hint of snow.  I'm not sure Mother Nature heard my plea.

Tomorrow night is our town KerstMarkt (Christmas Market/Fair) and I'm really looking forward to it.  So happy it's just the next street over, so W. and I will walk over after dinner.  I'll see what I can do about getting pics. I'll close out with a couple of our tree...

I was hell bent on getting a real tree this year (for going without for so many years; and I mean many).  So off to the garden centre we went. W. wouldn't let me get a big tree, our apartment isn't that big, so we looked at small ones :)

 

 

 A small tree for a small apartment.  I like it, it's cute.  I'll give another picture as well, with it lit up.

 

 

Addendum to Cultural Differences

To note re: Mail: I get yet *another* (third) ring at my door.  It's our next-door neighbour coming to pick up his post.  See, in the housing complex we're in, if you're not home, the Post drops off your package to your neighbour (or neighbour 3 doors down; honestly, I think they just keep ringing people until they find someone home) hoping you're best friends and it's not a problem to retrieve it.  We (W. and I) don't exactly love this; who's to say we're on friendly terms (we are) with our neighbours or not.  Bah.  All in the name of efficiency *rolls eyes*.

Cultural Differences

Some more cultural differences to note :)

Mail.  Mail operates on a Saturday here, including deliveries.  There isn't a monopoly on the postal system; it's all private.  It's even possible to get more than one mail and/or delivery a day by different carriers (there are two main ones, plus delivery companies).  PostNL is the main carrier, though I can't remember the other one.  Apparently there is even Sunday pick-up to get ready for Monday (where you drop your letters off in the mailbox) but W. and I don't understand why as there's no delivery. The post here is incredibly efficient and fast; easy to get something within 1-2 days. 
(Prime example: we ordered a couple things online the other night. I've just received a second, separate delivery. They really like to ship things separately.)

Construction. Construction sites work a little differently here (i.e road work).  They were repairing the road behind the plaza in town (still using cobblestone - put in place by hand - so awesome) and it was probably the complete opposite of what you'd find in North America.  Nothing was baricaded off, no caution tape, no Roads Dept employees standing around telling you where to go.  No.  You approach the site cautiously and maneuver your way around the best you can.  The man operating the digger is actually really good at watching for people.  It's such a concept... let people use common sense when in such an area.  Loose kids?  Not an issue.  People seem to take responsibility for themselves and those around them.  There isn't a "I can sue you" mentality here.  And it's fabulous.

Cats.  Cats here are very funny.  There are a few outdoor cats in the neighbourhood and you could walk by them a hundred times and call them and they still won't pay attention to you. They really don't care!  They do their derisive.. hold their head up and pretend to ignore you as you walk by.  I don't know what it is with cats here.

Laundry.  Yes, laundry.  First, most homes hang their laundry, not use a washer and dryer. It's a very European thing to do (partly because they're cheap and like to save energy costs and partly to save the wear of the clothes).  I can get behind it and all, but dude.. hard, scratchy towels are not cool.  We both want a dryer for that reason, but until we find an economical used one, it'll have to wait (#firstworldproblems).  Also.. they like to use separate detergent for each load.  We have a bottle each for colours, whites and darks (very affordable around €2 each). Not all detergents do this, but the one I like that's an "all in one" isn't cheap, so I look for it on sale only. 

Marriage.  The big 'M' word.  Not something often talked about in this house... yet ;)  I learned something interesting, though. Apparently this is also Europe-wide (France I know also does this, but I can't confirm other countries).  You cannot get married in a church and have it be legal.  You need to have a civil ceremony first and then you can have your marriage in a church (for your own purposes, still not legally withstanding).  I guess anyone can register to marry you? but this is from a friend and I still need to confirm it's specifics.  What seems to be common if you have both is you have the civil ceremony first, which is very private and invite-only.  Then you have the church wedding later in the day..public and anyone can come, especially handy for those coming to the dinner later on.  Two weddings means two expenses!  Gah!  I have not yet found a parish to call home, so this isn't an issue for me - yet.  I do plan to marry here so I have to accept facts as they are.  What I WAS thinking, though, was to have the legal ceremony here (perhaps still something religiously symbolic in it?) but get church-married back home.  I always wanted to get married in COOL so that would make me happy.  I discussed it with W. and he was all for it.  He's always happy to do anything that makes me happy, for which I'm grateful.  We shall see.

I'll leave you with that for today :)

Thankful

Good morning!  Happy Monday!  How are you recovering from the weekend?  There was a lot going on I hear; house-warming parties, wine tours.  My goodness you're a social bunch ;) 

Yesterday I held my (late) Thanksgiving dinner for a party of 6.  I was of two minds about it after last week's post/breakdown; I wasn't sure if I was ready to be surrounded by a few people or if I wanted time by myself, and When we arrived at the butcher Friday to pick up the turkey we were surprised; we ordered a 3 kilo turkey.  We were presented with 6.9 kilos. That's over a 15 lb turkey! For 6 people!  (Woo! Leftovers!)  That was the smallest they could find and they did give us a fair deal, price wise.  So we lugged out turkey home and found room for it in the fridge. 

There was plenty of food on the table and everyone was quite sated.  Turkey, ciabatta pancetta and apple stuffing (I made the night before and it was a hit), carrots, mashed potatoes, buns, green beans.  For dessert there was a simple apple crisp and (homemade) Toblerone Semifreddo (semifreddo = 'half frozen', similar to ice cream).  I have to say they were a perfect combination.  Then tea and winding down. 

His parents were sweet and got me a couple of small Friesian-style gifts (welcoming me to the country, STILL, after almost being here 4 months).  Of the friends that came (a married couple), she gave me a food item (for my recipes) I've had a hard time locating.  I've definitely been blessed to be around such generous people.  It was a very 'gezellig' (cozy) evening. 

Part of me is still very hesitant to get close to these people.  I've just left my home base and I'm conscious enough to not want to fill the gaping void with just anyone.  These people aren't just anyone, but I think it's taking a while for my head to catch up with my heart.  All part of the adjustment.

Speaking of which, I've been making more of a mental conscious effort to acknowledge my move/change and it's going well.  Much better than before, actually.  I'm trying to remain more in the moment than in my head.  Success.

I still miss Babu.

We had a time change this weekend.  And guess what.. they do it on a *Saturday*, not a Sunday.  I always joke w/W. that they do everything backwards.  Not this one.  It would make getting to work at the proper time on a Monday morning go *much more* stress free!  They've got it right!

Very windy today (gail force winds up to 120+km/hr) but sunny, so I might just chance going out for a walk.  If you don't hear from me in a day, send out the search and rescue ;)

Have a great day!

Utrecht

Last weekend we went to Utrecht on a whim.  We had no plans on the Sunday and felt like being adventurous.  Utrecht was one of the cities open so we went on a day trip.  We got a bit of a late start to the day, leaving just before noon (on a 2.5 hr train ride) but arrived just fine and enjoyed the city. 

We went to see the Domkerk (Dom church) first off.  The current building as it stands was built in the 1300's and the nave was destroyed by a hurricane in the 1600's.  So what exists now is the rear of the church (more details on Wiki) and the tower.  There's plenty of seating and they have a beautiful organ.  Any carvings or statues of saints (attached to the walls) are destroyed, usually in the face area, from the Reformation.  There are a couple tombs inside which is pretty cool.  Unfortunately I was unable to take pictures as they weren't allowed. 

After that we walked around, in and out of shops (I found a kitchen store to die for - they had everything - but unfortunately one of the few stores in the Netherlands that does not ship online).  We went for dinner at a restaurant (with horrible service, but good food) seated down on the water beside the canal.  It was a great spot.  A little cool; a scarf was required, but still enjoyable. 

They are much more fashionable in Utrecht.  They also had a laisez-faire attitude about the day, stopping and resting on marble steps, soaking in the sun.  Typical what you'd expect from the French, but not behaviour I'd associate with the Dutch.  It was nice to see and also experience.

Looking across from us when we were having dinner.  They've made use of the canal space below ground and created restaurant seating.

View from the table.  We also saw people in paddleboats or small motor boats go through the canal.  A wonderful way to tour the city and relax. Almost *every* boat had beer in it (Heineken), something, I told W., you would *not* see in Canada.

View of Domkerk in the street

Domkerk tower.

Small alleyway near Domkerk. I think this was attached to or very close to the church tower and there was a small area blocked off by a black iron gate that held the stone remains from the circular stairs that would have gone up. Meant to take a picture of that; sorry :/

Cultural Differences

I really don't know why I bother to say I'm taking a break, when I write 5 days later anyways.  I've gone longer than that without saying anything.  Okay.. so no more "I'm on a break" messages.  What I do have for you today is a list of cultural differences I've been noting.  Random, as listed..

Coffee.  It's much stronger here (note: I notice it in taste, not per caffeine as caffeine doesn't affect me).  When you go out for a coffee you can expect it to be at least twice as strong as coffee from back home, if not more.  So brace yourself.  Oh, and smaller.  Their coffees are in smaller doses (perhaps ammended per the stronger taste. I have no idea). 

Lemonade.  What they call lemonade and what we call lemonade are two totally different things.  First of all, what *we* call lemonade actually has lemon (or some form of) in it.  Here, lemonade can be any base syrup mixed with water (i.e grenadene and the like).  I just can't get on board with this yet.  Lemonade is LEMONade.  Gah.  *throws hands in air*

You can't order a drink with rye; they look at you funny.  It's whiskey.  Even scotch is known as and better translated as whiskey.  When I say I'd like a whiskey and Coke, they'll bring me something like Jameson, or.. strong like Glenlivet.  Not Canadian Club (it does exist in the stores!).  Beer is also served in a glass (usually), and by half pints.

Some of you have seen this already when I mentioned it on Facebook; doctor's waiting rooms.  I notice everyone says hello when entering the waiting room.  To complete strangers.  All the time.  I haven't gotten my head around this yet.  The North American mentality is go in, keep to yourself, don't talk to anyone and wait 30 minutes until you're called.  Here, you walk in, say hello (even if they walk by they say hi), la-dee-da kill time somehow until you're called, about 10-15 min later, if that.  They seem to have a sort of, "Well, we're all in this together," way about it.  While pleasant, it's taking me some time to get used to. 

You can buy anything online.  Anything.  And it ships in a day.  Food?  Sure.  Kitchen appliances?  No problem.  Anything.  I love the speed in which they deliver.  Your item can often arrive the next day.  Beat that, Canada.

Oh.. the supermarket.  It's pretty much the same layout as you'd expect.  When you go to cash out, it's a bit different.  I think I've mentioned the cashiers are always sitting; a good way to save your back (I don't know why we don't do this).  You also have to bag your own groceries, even at the nicer stores.  Quickly, btw, so the guy behind you's stuff doesn't get mixed in with yours.  No pressure.  While you're bagging (or putting back in the cart and boxing later at your bike/car etc) at marathon speeds, also pay and punch in your debit code.  Got 5 hands?  Okay, I exagerate slightly, but it is a bag-your-own and do-it-quickly situation.  Oh, I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but when paying and forgot something, or grabbed the wrong sale item, it's common to return back to the original spot - leaving 5 people behind you waiting, grab the correct item and hurry back.  My North American head screaming, "What the hell are you doing?! Can't you see I'm in a hurry here!!" went off pretty fast, but I kept my mouth shut.  Then I remembered where I was.  If they're not worried about it, then I won't be either.  I've got no place to go.  So I sit back and wait.   Look, I'm becoming a local already :P

Shoes.  People don't take them off when visiting at someone else's house.  This is not me and definitely not how I was raised.  It irks me slightly, but I keep to myself about it.  W is pretty good about it without me having to ask, but sometimes we'll come in with groceries and 20 min later he'll still have his shoes on.  I'll say, "Shoes" and he goes takes them off.  (What??  I just vaccuumed!) /OCD   I remember when we went to visit family friends the first day I was here.  I took my shoes off at the door and they looked at me funny, questioning what I was doing.  It was the strangest thing.

Well, that's it for now.  I'll keep trying to note more for you!

Cultural Differences

First.. technical difficulties: Chrome isn't letting me log on to make a new post (ironic that Google isn't letting me log in to contribute to a Google blog.  Just sayin').  It's literally not giving me the option at the top of the page to create a new post.. so.. I've had to.. *gulp*.. resort to IE.  Excuse me while I shudder slightly.  *shudder*

Anyhoo... I've been wanting to write about cultural differences for a while but wanted enough to write about.  Where can I start?  Some things may be ones I've mentioned before, but only now shedding them in a different light.

Roads.  I'm getting used to them, especially cycling.  I'm learning the rules of their roads and say, how to proceed at an intersection (none of which have stop signs).  They also follow the rule "those to the right proceed" so that's easy.  I haven't gotten myself killed yet, so I put that in the 'win' column.  You REALLY have to keep your eyes open on their roads, there's so much going on; drivers (multiple), cyclists (multiple), the odd walker.  And it's true, everyone really does ride their bike here. 

Health.  W. and I were just discussing how he's going to a doctor's appointment next week and I asked him when the last time was he got a complete physical.  He looked at me funny.  They don't do that here.  Then I looked at him funny.  I said, "What?  You're not a medically-induced hypochondriac society?" :P  And they have some of the healthiest people world-wide.  They're doing something right, and I kind of like this mentality.  Physicals were never my favourite, anyways.  That's a rant saved for a later date. 

Food.  Local food (i.e desserts) is highly wheat-based, as you may have guessed.  Cakes are the top seller.  And I don't mean a round, icing-covered sugary goodness; I mean.. dense cakes, like loaf-pan shaped.  Oh, and in home baking, they're high on springform pans (it's kind of weird).  It's almost as if *everything* is baked in a springform pan.  Now, these cakes and desserts are found in grocery stores.  If you want something special, you will find it in a restaurant (as you've seen by some pics). 

Livestock.  You can't go half a mile without seeing horses, cows or sheep.  Less popular are goats.  Today on the train to Groningen I saw a field full of cows - all lying down, almost akin to how a cat sleeps.  I mean, they were just cuddled up and relaxed and sleeping.  It still weirds me out.  I find it fantastic that the animals are so relaxed.  It shows me they're being treated well.

Stairs.  It's true; they are more narrow than back home.  It really took me back when I first arrived here but have quickly gotten used to it.

People.  People are so much happier and at ease here.  As much as G. was a fairly laid-back town, this is even more so, if that was even possible.  And they're.. *gasp*.. happy.  You can see it when you're cycling around town; everyone's smiling, they say hi to you as you go by.  It's really weird (when you're not used to it).  If they worry about anything, they don't let on about it.  I'm still adjusting to the pace, but it's a very welcomed one.

Well, that's all I can think of for today.  I'll try and write back again with more :)

Introductions, Dining and Franeker

Well, Amsterdam didn't happen.  Once we started mapping out the day, it would have taken us 3 hours to get there, to spend 6, to travel 3 more home, to get in at a good time (he works today).  We were sad about it, but it just wasn't realistic.  Amsterdam is a place that when you travel, you need to spend it overnight.  At least for us.  Or, have a car, drive part way to a city centre then take the train the rest of the way in.  Having no car, we'll have to go with option #1.

So, we made different plans.  Having events change in the morning, we spent part of the day with his kids & ex.  I got to meet everyone all at once for the first time.  Yaaaaaaay.  *cough*  Well, with 3 kids it can be very tiring, but it was a good visit.  They took to me very well; especially his oldest.  That was nice.

After that visit, we went to Franeker where there is the Eise Eisinga Planetarium museum (linked in English).  Quick history: this planeterium is the oldest working planeterium in the world.  Very small as it's based out of the man's house (or what would have been his house at the time).  He understood how the stars and planets worked, and when people were in fear of the world ending (as was thought at the time), he actually built a working solar system in his living room to show people that it wasn't - and why/how.  He cared about calming the masses and we thought that was a pretty special trait to have.  All the little cogs in the working solar system were made by hand, all hand-forged nails (10,000 to be exact).  Wiki shows you a couple pictures, but I went to the museum's website and it showed on more of the inner workings of the cog/weight system (if you view it in Dutch it shows even more pictures, not sure why. P. S - Google Chrome is your friend).

After getting some rich history, I started to feel ill and needed to eat.  W. asked the woman if she could advise any places in the area.  We ended up going to an inn just down the street.  I really enjoyed this place and would like to go back.

This view was was side of the footbridge we crossed to get to the inn.  Note the steep banks on the left, which would have been defence mechanisms for the town from the canals. 

This is the inn, the view on the other side of the footbridge.  Their seating area goes right down to the water (to the right) - and that's where we got to sit!  

This dining experience was absolutely lovely.  Dining in Europe is way different than back home.  Back home it's.... come in, get addressed within 30 seconds (on a good day), order, eat, leave so the next people can come in.  It's all about turnover.  Here.. it's sit, relax for a few minutes.  A minute or two later your server comes to ask if you'd like anything to drink, if you're there to eat (if you want a menu).  Menu is brought, we look it over and eventually order. They really leave you to relax and enjoy the entire meal.  If you're not expecting this, to a North American, it could seem as very slow service.   First we were brought tapas (if we'd known they were bringing this, we wouldn't have ordered appetizers).

Sorry, I took the picture after we started eating it :/  Note my glass of lemon water (holy lemons, batman. That's what I call service) to the right.  It comes with a stick, which apparently quite common.  At the end of the stick is a flat peice TO GET MORE JUICE OUT OF YOUR LEMON WITHOUT HAVING TO TOUCH IT.  Also, to keep it at the bottom when you drink, if you so choose.  Y'all in North American need to get on that.  If they exist, I haven't once seen where.  And I order a lot of water. 

Apps and dinner were perfectly times apart (we got the house steak) and were very good. Then came dessert.  Sweet holy Jesus.  They didn't have anything on the menu I could have (dairy-free) so I got a coffee.  He got strawberry tiramisu.  

This was our dessert spread.  My coffee came with various sugars and bon-bons.  There's another tiramisu above my coffee that we didn't order but weren't sure if it was part of the whole "comes with bon-bons" thing.  We ate it anyways :P

Check out the layering of that coffee.  Impressive.  

W.'s tiramisu, strawberries, (real) whipped cream and a strawberry liqeur.  Yum.

The sun was out that afternoon and it was hot, though there was a cool breeze (it was perfect).  While the sun was very hot, the UV index was only... 1.  I'm not even lying.  We were there for almost 2.5 hours and I didn't even turn pink.  If we'd done that back home, I would have been walking home with 2nd degree burns.  

More than pleasantly sated (we were stuffed), we headed home after a very long day.  Let's just say we slept very well last night. 

Discouraged, Pt. II

It gets worse.

After talking to a couple people yesterday about said events, it turns out it's true about the age thing.  Apparently there are different pay scales per age, and since I'm not, say, 19, they can't get away with paying me minimum wage; there are different pay scales for someone who's 19, 30 or even 40.

Okay.. let's just try to wrap our heads around that for a minute.

They technically aren't allowed to ask me for my age, but they have to in order to know what to pay me?

What?

W. told me it's original intention when it came out (why it was changed to this), but I forget what it is.  When he got home last night, I got the sweet, "Honeeeey, I'm hooome." and he walks in the kitchen where I've got a scowl on my face and I said a brief, "Hello." "What happened?" he instantly asks.  "Oh, fine country you live in!" and I start yelling.  Poor chap.  He let me vent and then he made me put the dishes down (that I was subsiquently throwing around with my anger) and took me in his arms for a hug... and I cried.  It was all too much to process.  So... now I have to prove myself harder in a country that doesn't know me nor is familiar with the places I've worked?  No pressure. AND they want me to just be okay with this process, put aside my principles and bend over and take it up the ass because that's what everyone else does?  Oh hell no.

It's a good thing I work better under pressure, cause right now I'm just pissed.  For a country that touts equality, this is very unequal of them.  I'm sure there's a positive in here somewhere, I'm just not sure where it is yet.  So this is how it's going to go:  I'll apply for jobs and if I get asked again for my age I'll bite my tongue from saying, "What the f*** business is it of yours?" and politely ask them if they're interested in my skills or not.  If they evade the question, I move on.  I'm not compromising.

In reality, they're not allowed to ask me that; it's still age discrimination (and I could have reported them), but because it's been changed, they're using that to their advantage... and trying to get away with it.  They're supposed to hire you on your abilities, and the formalities (pay scale per age) come later, with the paperwork.  The sad thing is, it was a measly dishwashing position, but I would have put a lot of hard work and experience into their kithen, hoping to slowly move up the ranks.  Instead, they're sacrificing experience for cheap labour, choosing to hire inexperienced young'uns in their kitchen.  A foolish business mistake, if you ask me, when you're trying to open a new restaurant.  I have a right mind to call her back and tell her what a fool she's being.  But what do I know.

That's enough for today.  I'm going to try to keep myself occupied until W. comes home, which won't be a moment too soon.  I'm feeling a little down-trodden.  I will however, enclose a picture of our balcony :)  It's still not exactly how I want it, but still it's cosy and a welcoming place to sit when the sun isn't high.

It's Friday!

Discouraged

So.. there was an advertisement for jobs (dishwashing and waitressing) at this Italian fine-dining restaurant in Groningen (close to church, actually).  My eyes lit up as I peered through the windows onto the tables set with crisp white and beige linens, glass decanters for oil and shiny salt and pepper shakers (grind your own!).  I wanted that job.  I took a picture of the sign/contact information posted and .. did nothing with it.  I'm already having language barriers, how can I possibly jump into a job not yet being fluent in Dutch?

We were in Groningen last week and passed by it again on the way to Mass.  Again, I stuck my face to their window.  Again, not ready to make that call.

Today, almost 2 weeks later, I made the call.  It went something like this....

"Hoi, /name/?" (Hello, /name of contact/)
They said "Ja".  I said, "Do you speak English?" (which I could have easily asked in Dutch, but didn't).
"Nee, Nederlands." (no, Dutch) - which already tells you they understand English, btw.
I asked for the other contact that was posted.  She spoke English.  I told her I was interested in the dishwashing job.
"How old are you?"
Slightly taken aback (okay, a lot. I was in shock, actually, lets not lie. You'd get shit if you asked that of anyone in Canada), but told her.
"Oh, well, we already have enough dishwashers.  The day we put the sign up, we got like.. 10 people calling".
THEN TAKE DOWN THE FUCKING SIGN. *huff*
"Right. Well, I'll try and call back later. Thanks!"

Am I calling again?  HELLS no.  Why?  Age discrimination and.. I have a funny feeling language discrimination.  Which is crap, because everyone in Groningen speaks English to some degree.  They don't know my story.  They don't know my language abilities.  Did they ask either of those?  No.

So on one hand I think their insensitive jerks and if they're like that, I don't want to work for them anyways.  On the other, I'm heartbroken and getting a reality check on what it's going to be like looking for work.  Something so small and "insignificant" has made me so upset.  Do I need to start working right away?  No.  Will it help with things?  Most definitely.

So.. I take some time for myself, then I press on.