Pregnancies (not mine!), Alcohol Checks and Moving Forward

Hello all.

I recently went with a fellow expat friend to a cafe to meet with a group of other expats to practice the language.  There's a man that leads it who's been in the country for almost 40 years and likes to help.  There were several of us the other night and it went well.  I was a bit (read: a lot) overwhelmed, but I trudged through.  I even participated a little.  I ended the evening both tired and stimulated.  I think I'll go back and give it a try for a bit.  Even if I didn't understand everything, I think it got the 'ol gear box working, y'know?  It already enforced more Dutch thinking through the week and even though it started to taper off the longer the week went, it's still good progress. W. was impressed with my reading/translating tonight.

It's also been decided that I'm (even more so) joining the magazine editors team.  I already contribute recipes, but now I'm going to be helping W. with graphic design.  I'm even learning Adobe's InDesign.  The guy who was doing it had to leave, so I'm stepping in to help out.  Besides, it's something else to add to the resume and it makes my not-working time more constructive.  All of this is good progress; I'm not working, yet somehow I'm being kept busy.  I'm very grateful for this.

I don't know if many of you have heard of Ello (https://ello.co/).  It's touted as the new anti-Facebook.  It's very simple and clean-looking.  You can sign up to be on the waiting list, or get an invite from a friend who already made it on (also) through an invite from a friend.  It's very quiet now with not a lot of people on it and it's still in beta stage.  Anything that gives me a break from Facebook wins, so... yeah.  I'll say that after looking at some people's profiles (your profile is public) that it's very much for the art or culturally-minded community.  Lots of art.  Lots of photography.  I'm not sure I fit there.  I used to be this person, but it's been a very long time.  I really miss Google+, I'm not gonna lie.  Not as many people are on it as Facebook (or at least they weren't when I walked away over a year or two ago) and you had more control over who could see or not see your posts, but maybe I'll try again and see who's lurking.  Last I checked there were new friends on that hadn't previously joined.  Google+ 's network is fantastic.  Much more user-friendly, I think.

There were a couple other things I wanted to talk about, but I'm going to put them on the back-burner and talk about them another time.  I wanted to share a couple of cultural differences, 'cause you know those are always fun.

So the other night on my way to choir, I was on the bus and when we turned one of the street corners, traffic came to a dead stop.  You know how it goes, everyone pokes their heads up and around to see if they can tell what's going on.  There's talk and guesses what's holding us up.  Yeah, they had an alcohol check.  So get this.. the set up is pretty much the same; cops in the middle of the road, stopping traffic both ways to check for alcohol consumption (on a busy one-lane street, no less), there's two of them per station.  They check you for alcohol alright.  They make you blow on the spot!  Every.  Single.  Vehicle.  Even our busdriver had to blow!  They have their devices with disposable cap thingies to replace with each use.  Our police guy's partner was holding two bags of them.  On.  The.  Spot.  They're not messing around!  I think it's fabulous!  MUCH less room for error, much less guessing (for the cop, and for you and your chances. "Oh, I've just had two tonight, it's a weeknight, a RIDE Program won't be out, I'll be fine.  BAM!  You'll be 'fine' alright because you'll get a fine). How it works after they find alcohol in your system, I don't know how that process works.  In this instance they couldn't have exactly made you pull over, cause there was nowhere to pull over *to*.  So I shall ask around about that.  WHY they're not doing this where I'm from is beyond me.

Gosh, there was another cultural difference I wanted to write about.  Hmm.. this one is kind of a two-parter that I don't have time for, but I will get into it a little bit.  So.. the list of my friends becoming pregnant around the globe is growing.  Had babies.  Having babies.  Going to have babies.  Your social life quickly diminishes if you are of the non-baby community).  Gah.  It's an epidemic everywhere :P  Anyhoo... did you know that when you have a baby here, there is help that comes to the house to help you clean (and do laundry), make meals, they make tea and cut cake for guests, cut your flowers.  Like.. the whole shibang.  I couldn't believe it.  Again... fantastic idea!  You're alloted a certain amount of hours (which is fairly substantial, from what I remember) and I believe everyone has access to this.  Maternity leave is much shorter though (compared to Ontario); 16 weeks (combination of time off includes both before and after birth).  I do side more with the year off that Ontario has; it benefits everyone.

I've decided to make (at least) one recipe a week out of my Dorie Greenspan's Around My French Table cookbook.  I've made a few already (and will exclude those) and have really enjoyed them.  It'll broaden my cooking and baking repertoire and bring new dishes into the house at meal times.  Much needed!

Okay, I'm going to take off.  It's Saturday, so it's sit-back-and-binge-watch-Doctor-Who night.  I better get the popcorn ready.

Hope y'all are having a good weekend.  If the weather is as beautiful as it is here, be sure to get out.  There is much colder weather coming around the corner.

Fa La La La La, La La La Laaaaaa...

I meant to come on here sooner and wish you a Merry Christmas, but I kind of failed at that.  Sorry!  So Merry belated Christmas.  Hope it was everything you needed and you were bestowed with the blessings that you deserve.

This Christmas was an awkward one.  No familiar faces, weather or traditions. I'll give you a 2-second background.  The Netherlands, as a whole, doesn't celebrate Christmas in any way like we do; there isn't the commercialism like we have back home (which I'm thankful for).  Christmas is for Christians and for going to church.  As far as I understand it, not about presents or things like that (as a rule; but not every house is like this. Some do celebrate and have gatherings!).  So no matter what we did, it didn't feel right.  Which isn't to say I didn't enjoy myself, but just different, y'know?  We opened our presents Christmas Eve evening (I got an mp3 player! It'll help a lot at the gym!) because Christmas Day we got up and out the door for Mass.  Then his parents picked us up at the church and we spent the day with them.  They even added to my snowman collection :)  Best of all, they got us a new toy.  Okay, it was addressed to us, but really it's for me ;)

A Philips (his dad works there) 3-in-1 food processor/blender/grinder.  I was speechless.  I needed these products *so bad*.  In fact, I even hugged the box (they've got a pic of that, conveniently).  I've even contemplated giving it a name.....

Well, not much else to say today.  I've got some organizing to do.  I might start slowly taking decorations off the tree.  We're hosting a brunch Sunday so I have to plan for that to shop for it tomorrow *and* head to IKEA to exchange under-the-cupboard lights.  I swear, we should have stocks in that company by now for the amount of times we're there.

Oh!  I almost forgot.  I met with Father from church (the meeting I mentioned before) and it went well!  In fact, he emailed the choir director introducing me; I wrote her back... and it looks like I'm now in the St. B choir.  Eek!  Next rehersal is Jan 9th, I think.  I asked her if she saw any problems with my low Dutch vocabulary to which I got the response, "Well, learn it!" (So Dutch.)  And I am... but since I've been learning general vocab and food vocab, I now have to learn music vocab.  She said she has an Italian with her and she does fine, so I should be okay.  And it's funny how I'm approaching it; I am resisting change so much and so worried about how I'm not going to understand things and figure I'll get overwhelmed and lose track and.. and... and I never stop to think that maybe people will be patient and understanding and it won't be such a difficult transition after all.  So I'm trying to keep an open mind. 

Cultural Differences: to note (before Christmas is REALLY over); Christmas trees - are (9 times out of 10) decorated with white lights, not Multi-coloured.  Heaven forbid you decorate your tree with coloured lights ("it's not as pretty") or - gasp - twinkling lights.  lol.  Hearing some of their comments make me giggle (though I do like white lights...).   There is your random information of the day.

Up and moving I go!  Hope you're having a great week!

Discouraged

So.. there was an advertisement for jobs (dishwashing and waitressing) at this Italian fine-dining restaurant in Groningen (close to church, actually).  My eyes lit up as I peered through the windows onto the tables set with crisp white and beige linens, glass decanters for oil and shiny salt and pepper shakers (grind your own!).  I wanted that job.  I took a picture of the sign/contact information posted and .. did nothing with it.  I'm already having language barriers, how can I possibly jump into a job not yet being fluent in Dutch?

We were in Groningen last week and passed by it again on the way to Mass.  Again, I stuck my face to their window.  Again, not ready to make that call.

Today, almost 2 weeks later, I made the call.  It went something like this....

"Hoi, /name/?" (Hello, /name of contact/)
They said "Ja".  I said, "Do you speak English?" (which I could have easily asked in Dutch, but didn't).
"Nee, Nederlands." (no, Dutch) - which already tells you they understand English, btw.
I asked for the other contact that was posted.  She spoke English.  I told her I was interested in the dishwashing job.
"How old are you?"
Slightly taken aback (okay, a lot. I was in shock, actually, lets not lie. You'd get shit if you asked that of anyone in Canada), but told her.
"Oh, well, we already have enough dishwashers.  The day we put the sign up, we got like.. 10 people calling".
THEN TAKE DOWN THE FUCKING SIGN. *huff*
"Right. Well, I'll try and call back later. Thanks!"

Am I calling again?  HELLS no.  Why?  Age discrimination and.. I have a funny feeling language discrimination.  Which is crap, because everyone in Groningen speaks English to some degree.  They don't know my story.  They don't know my language abilities.  Did they ask either of those?  No.

So on one hand I think their insensitive jerks and if they're like that, I don't want to work for them anyways.  On the other, I'm heartbroken and getting a reality check on what it's going to be like looking for work.  Something so small and "insignificant" has made me so upset.  Do I need to start working right away?  No.  Will it help with things?  Most definitely.

So.. I take some time for myself, then I press on.

Getting Settled

I started a blog post a couple days ago, but a) got tired (still, jet lag, even today) and b) overwhelmed.  How do I mention everything?  It's almost impossible.  I'm sitting in a zombie-like trance right now in the chair, but I need to keep occupied because I'm waiting for the delivery of our oven, so I thought I would try blogging again.

I've been here 5 days now.  I don't know if I've ever felt more at home somewhere.  The minute I saw Dutch soil out the plane window, I started to relax and feel....at ease; comfortable; at home.  (The flight was smooth, btw and the staff were fantastic.)  Jet lag sucks and I don't know how long it's supposed to last.  Every day I need to have a nap (from 20min-1hr).  The people here are very nice; most you pass by on the street will say hi to you.  There have been language barriers, but it all depends who you come across.  Today at the bakery, the girl (about my age?) didn't know any English, but spoke Frisian and Dutch.  It's times like that it's nice to have W. around (and he was), though I've gone out on my own and had to try to communicate.  Some know English, some don't (it's not often spoken around these parts).  We looked at bikes today (for me) and the guy spoke decent English, with some help, though him and W. conversed mostly in Frisian.

There have been a lot of differences, probably more than I can even think of to mention right now, but I'll try, in point form, to save time.....

- the cashiers sit at the cash, not stand.  All of them.
- there are no screens on the windows or doors.
- I haven't yet seen one mosquito *touch wood*
- it's a more relaxed pace of life here.
- the roads and traffic are crazy.  I don't know how they do it, but they have different rules than we do and smaller roads (in town), yet no one's been hit; they all seem to know how to maneover around each other (bikes, cars, pedestrians).  If there's one thing in this country that gives me anxiety, it's that.
- everyone bikes here.  Everyone.  Regardless of age (5 to 75) or even attire (business clothes, skirts, jeans, etc).
- the weather has been beautiful.  We've been getting a lot of sun (uncharacteristic, I'm told); it's cool at night, warm during the day, then cools down again.  Perfect.
- the Dutch have a reason for everything they do, in any context, and are usually quite efficient (though I found this out early when I was doing my paperwork).
- we walked on a path yesterday that was covered in shells.  Yes, beach shells.  It's easier for the bikes to cycle on, apparently, than say.. stones or gravel.  It was so neat.
- the countryside is beautiful. It is flat and you can see for miles.

Well, I have to cut this short because the delivery guys called ahead and they'll be here momentarily.  And they speak English! :)  Wish me luck.  I'm going to bat my eyes at them and ask them if they'll also install it (it's gas).

Dag!

Lent - 2013

It's pretty late for me but I just got home from choir (had it on a not-usual night) but I'm not quite ready to go to bed yet.  So.. I'm going to sit here and gab to you :)

I started thinking about what to give up for Lent this year, 2 weeks before today.  I couldn't think of nuthin'.  Every year I give up swearing.  Every year I fail (though I still make an honest attempt).  Okay, 'honest' is subjective; I already broke it 5 times today :/  ..but that's how it goes every year, so don't judge! :)  I will try again tomorrow.  And the next day.  And...

When W. and I were talking about it, I asked him if anything came to him for ideas.  "Draw every day," he said.  I sat and pondered it.  If you're not artistic, you're going to think it's a pretty random suggestion.  You might think, "What the heck does drawing have to do with anything??"  S'ok, I'm not going to judge if you thought that; I almost did there for a second, too.  It's not that easy, my friends.  To draw.. *every* day.. is a challenge in itself, but since he's also artistic (very much so; I wish I could show you his work) he knew why he was asking me to take it up.  I'm not sure I can describe it best, and I'm sure others will have more elaborate and articulate descriptions, but you can get a lot done in your head when you sit to draw, at least for me.  You can zone out, you can think about nothing, you can think about everything (kind of the same effect when I bake).  Sometimes you even battle demons.  Sometimes you want to *avoid* any type of artistry because of said demons.  And sometimes you want to welcome it in for the very same reason.  It's usually always emotional.  You can lose yourself, you can find yourself.  There are a hundred reasons why one would want to apply some sort of artistry.  My job is to figure out how to apply it to Lent... perhaps how I'll deal with my frustrations (I'm a perfectionist, in case some lonely sole on this planet couldn't tell already) and where I'll turn that energy and how I'll deal with it.  I think he knows I need to do this; I've been pretty stressed lately and he's seen the full effects.  So what the hey, I'll give it a shot. I have yet to do any today and it's already almost 10:30.  Ugh.

I also might be moving before I move.  I've decided it's best to downsize; it's the only way it'll help me save money for the move.  I can't cut anymore expenses and in fact I've gained some, so I don't have much of a choice.  I was hoping to dip into my pension from the hospital when I leave, but it looks that that's untouchable (by law).  So.. some major saving needs to happen.  I've looked at a place already and it's perfect for what I need.  Also, the other girl that lives there (a student from the university) and I got along pretty good.  There was a lot of 'signs' and things being 'just so'.  Being from the same hometown and likewise half Dutch didn't hurt things, either ;)  I haven't committed yet, but I'm getting pretty close.  So that's my big news for now.  I was going to keep it a surprise, but what the hell (6) heck.  I feel pretty good about it.

I can't think of anything else to tell you right now and it's past my bedtime anyways.  Meeting my tutor in the morning so I best get rested for a good start to the day.

Hope everyone is well.  Please get in touch if we haven't spoken in a while.  It's time we have a talk :)

Catch Up..

Yup.  Late.  Again.  Sorry 'bout that.
You see, I *want* to blog, but my time management lately has been a bit poor as, of course you know, part of my day is spent on Skype with my love (which is going fantastic, btw.  Can I tell you how ridiculously in love I am?).  And one of these days I'll stop apologizing for not writing, assuming that you'll get used to the fact and forgive me anyways.

So, let me go a bit backwards and catch you up on what I last wrote about....

We had gramma's service; it was typical services (I guess?).  Scripture reading, memories, life timelines and events.  I even learned a couple things about my gram that day (well, her and grandpa both).  And it was nice to visit after with family and socialize a bit.  I got to see relatives I haven't seen in years (that I used to be close to; cousins, etc).  I got to tell one of my uncles (gram's brother) that I'm moving overseas.  This conversation was interesting; I felt compelled to tell a man I haven't been close to at all that I was moving back "home".  I felt he had to know this.  I don't know why.  I haven't been close to that side of the family; not by choice, but by geography, difficulty of visits, etc.  I've always missed them, though.  Like a strange void that has constantly wanted to be filled.  The memories of my visits with them when I was a child are still vibrant in my head.  I've clung onto them.  They were the most... stress-free, family-filled, feeling-whole times of my childhood (I think I just realized why I've clung onto them).  They were times I.. got to be a kid.  So perhaps my need to tell my uncle a significant life moment is my attempt to tie myself to that side of the family more.
Twelve of us went out for a family dinner after.  That was nice, too.  Casual, nothing fancy.
I received a couple items from my aunt that evening that were my gram's; a Dutch bible (even more reason to learn the language), a teacup and saucer (that so reminds me of having tea with them when I was younger) and a couple of silver spoons (one with pretty scroll work with the letter 'E' for grandpa's name, and one with a Dutch.. monument/important land build of sorts).  You can tell they've been well used for said tea in teacup :)  I'm already thinking how to pack the china when I go, as I'll take it with me.

Baking has been next to non-existent.  Bleh.  I have no excuse for this.  I have no reason to bake, really, hence the no baking.  I should be experimenting with recipes.. but.. I'm not.  I do have one Christmas order to do that I should be working on and pricing.  /procrastinating

Oh, the aforementioned conversation with my parents about W. went really well.  They were supportive.  They listened.  They offered opinion.

The language.  Oh, the language.  *sigh*  I'm struggling.  Have I mentioned this?  I don't remember.  I am, to be fair, making it more difficult than it is.  I'm not sure why.  'Cause so much is at stake, I think.  Learning past languages has been fun because I've wanted to learn them out of curiosity and enjoyment.  This I have to learn not just out of curiosity and enjoyment, but necessity.  So.. I'm fighting it.  And it's ridiculous, because I know it's all in my head.  I know.  I've read or heard that other people struggle with it, so I think I have to struggle with it.  This is crap, because I know I'm intelligent enough to absorb the language.  There are times I find myself relaxing about it and it goes a bit more with ease, but those moments are still too far and few between.  If you have any experience learning a new language, I'd love to hear your stories.

Also, I just unpacked today (even though it arrived a few days ago) a parcel I bought online for Black Friday sales; luggage.  I just unpacked it out of the box; almost as if I've created certain processing times for it in my head.  It's sitting out all pretty and red in my living room.
Luggage.
For Europe.

Yeah....

I'm Baaaaack...

Well, I'd originally sat down to write but I got caught up in Pinterest and, well, 45 min later.. here I am.  Gah, it's such a fabulous time-waster.  So. Many. Pretty. Things.  I was pinning all things steampunk (which finally gives a name to a secret fetish I've had for all things of said decor, jewelry, art, artifacts, etc).  Victorian meets future, meets sci-fi, meets industrial, meets western; how awesome is that?  No, my question to you should be, how can you NOT like it?

Gah!  I just got sidetracked again!  Another 15 minutes lost.  Good heavens.  My coffee's gone, I haven't even had breakfast yet, my back and butt are sore from sitting here... and I haven't even started to write what I wanted to write to you about, yet!!  *takes you by the shoulders and shakes you* THE STEAMPUNK OBSESSION MUST STOP!!  Okay, maybe not stop, but put on a brief pause.

... *pauses* ...  *makes pancakes in honour of Pancake Tuesday*...

.. *comes back to answer email, gets sidetracked AGAIN*... *forces self back to kitchen*...

I had some pancakes.  I got up to get something and this happened...

He totally took over my chair!  Silly Babu.

So.. today is Shrove/Pancake Tuesday; the Tuesday proceeding Ash Wednesday, the mark on the calendar when Christians begin to acknowledge Jesus' death (who rises on Easter as Christ) and the beginning of Lent.  I'd been thinking and thinking of what I want to give up for Lent this year and having a difficult time of it.  I'm giving up my usual 'no swearing' crusade (a feat often attempted but never successful), but I always give up something else in addition to that.  But.. this morning I felt different, thanks to a conversation from a friend last night (thanks MK).  Something occurred to me.  You know what?  No.  Hell no.  I've suffered enough the past year, thankyouverymuch, and I'm not going to do anymore than I need to for the next little while.  So you know what?  I'm going to take the alternative; I'm going to add something.  Thing is, I'm not quite sure what yet.  Prayer (meal time? bedtime? morning?)?  Volunteering of time?  No, I'm not ready to expend that energy yet.  Maybe there are other sorts of forms of charity; RM, you're good with this, what do you suggest?  I'll take suggestions from anyone.  Maybe something food-related.  If it keeps me in the kitchen, I'm happy; it's good therapy for me.  Maybe baking for friends, based on their food preferences/wishes/health issues.  Hmm.. that's not a bad idea.  I just baked up my third batch of GF brownies and people are amazed; I've proven (well, thanks to the author) that GF doesn't have to be boring  and I LOVE this.  Okay - so if you would like baked-goods (or non-baked goods.. could be meals), sign up below.  I will deliver! (if you're local, post mail if you're not.)  Okay, so I've picked up an act of charity for Lent.  There you go.

I've been learning more Italian on the side.  It's going very well.  I'm learning basic words pertaining to what I can use at work/in a restaurant (plate, dish, glass, cutlery, etc, etc) and shocker - I'm retaining them!  Mostly.

I'm reading Carl Jung's essay (in small book form) on Synchronicity.  It's fantastic.  I hope to give excerpts on it later.

I'm feeling a bit better today.  A bit lighter.  A little bit... released.  That's what happens when you finally shed 160lbs.  /cryptic

*looks out the window*  Dude, where'd this snow come from?  This is a funny winter.

Alright, I gotta have some attempt at lunch and get to an appointment.  Hope y'all are having a good day.

io capisco l'italiano....er....

I'm a little sad tonight.  I'm chalking it up to hormones.  Nonetheless, I'm feeling a little lonely and wish I had someone to sit on the couch with me.  I'm not feeling conversational, but even to watch TV, or listen to the radio....or silence.

I went to visit R. at the rectory tonight (he works there in the evenings part-time) and he was visiting with a friend of his, who is also incidentally, at the seminary (R. is joining in the fall).  I felt awful interrupting their talk, but I didn't want to leave. I tried to walk away, but my feet wouldn't move.  I think it was part loneliness, part taking it as a sign that maybe they'll discuss something I should hear, part not feeling very spiritual or God-like (can I say that?) lately that I just wanted to be surrounded by that.  I'm trying to become more faithful; these dry spells are about pissing me off lately.  There have been too many.  It's not that I think my faith is a conditional one; it's not.  But...I guess when I'm not surrounded by it with my friends sometimes or talk about it (faith), it gets a little lack-luster in my head.  It's not the only reason, just part of it.  When they parted ways for the evening one of them said, "Take care. Goodnight".

Goodnight.

One word, but it's making me feel so...isolated.  When was the last time I got to say goodnight to someone (in person. Sorry peeps, texts don't count ;) ).

I haven't been feeling well physically lately and that's really had me down.  Every day this week I've had an upset, attack or episode.  I'm worn out.  I don't have anymore energy.  My body's beaten me up so bad I just wanna burrow in a cave.  But it's almost the weekend, time for more reprieve, so I'll wait it out then rest.  I don't have much planned for the weekend so it looks like a quiet one.  A few potential plans, so we'll see.

I don't think I've told you about this slightly older Italian lady I have as a patient.  She's been helping me brush up on my Italian (which, I swear, should be a pre-requisite for working at my hospital. We're an Italian-based community).  So we talk now and then.  I don't know much, but I get by.  I can hear and understand more than I can speak.  And she's got a hawt son-in-law, so the days he visits it doesn't hurt either.. heh.  Anyhoo.. she doesn't eat much and I'll keep that story separate.  So she didn't eat her dinner this evening and I asked her if I could do anything else for her and she requested toast......
Me, "Si. Non problema"  (Yes, of course. It's no problem)
"Grazie, tesoro. Grazie" (Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you)
"Prego" (You're welcome)
... and she almost had tears in her eyes, which almost made ME have tears in my eyes.  "You always help me," she said.  I smiled.  It's what I do.  It made me feel good, that I could make her happy...just by bringing her toast of all things (oh, and this evening I also brought her 'formaggio' :))

It was a very good night at work.  Lots of laughing.  More patient-family interaction than normal.  I left work with a smile on my face.

I'm almost done one midterm!  I plan to finish on or by this weekend, so next week will be starting and (hopefully) finishing the other one.

I think when I'm done my studies (or even during them) I'm going to take up Italian more fluently than I presently perform.  I have a lot of people I can practice with.

Buonanotte!