Transitions

I'm taking a bit of rare quiet time this morning to touch base with y'all; maybe do a bit of reflection and let you know how things are going in my headspace.

I'm a myriad of emotions right now: happy, excited, sad, stressed, anxious (more the good than the bad kind), scared, eager.  The list goes on.  It also varies per day.  Sometimes even per hour (I wish I was joking).  I also can't seem to keep two thoughts in my head at the same time.  Seriously. Also not joking.

This is my final week at work and it's a bittersweet one.  I've said goodbye to a couple co-workers already around the hospital. Yesterday was a bit difficult (having to say goodbye to a direct co-worker, someone I work close to).  Thursday-Sunday are my last shifts.  I've spent over 5 years in that hospital (when I wasn't sure I'd stay more than a couple) and as much as there were times I didn't like some of my co-workers whether I like it or not, they've helped shaped who I am.  They've contributed to my personality, my work ethic (this is a big one), my mannerisms, changing how I interact with people in business.  They've helped shape *who I am* and I've sort of become pretty proud of that person, so I'm very grateful for these experiences and the people who've contributed to them.  So yeah, it'll be hard to say goodbye.

My stuff.  Ugh.  Getting rid of/selling/donating etc my personal items has been one of the most difficult processes.  I'm getting a hard lesson in pride, let me tell you.  Lesson #1 - Your material items hold no monetary value after ownership, and when you go to sell them, people want even less than that.  Lesson #2 - You will never, ever, EVER get what you a) want for it or b) deem the item to be worth.  Lesson #3 - It might actually put you off from ever possessing new things in the future.  At least, for the short term.  I mean, seriously... what I've amended in the past about my attachment to material items, has again been revamped to want even less than before.  Why?  What's the point?  Why do I want to hang onto something that will no longer serve me in the future?  Why do I want something taking up space that can be used for something more purposefully?  This is all coming at a convenient time of moving to a country that believes in minimalism and small spaces because they don't own a lot of things and recognize THEY DON'T NEED TO.  They already have the mentality that I'm just adapting.

I'm going to sit with that for now; have to get ready for a breakfast date with a nurse friend.  Hope y'all are having a good Tuesday :)

P.S - 28 days!

Down Time

Well, I'm taking advantage of some down time; W. is having a nap and I'm just catching up on emails (I don't think I've turned my computer on at all in the better part of the two weeks) and sitting with a tea.  It's a beautiful day out and I think we'll go for a walk later on.

I'm settled in the new place.  Hrm.. settled is a loose term.  I'm.. inhabiting.  There are still boxes and random objects strewn all over.  The kitchen is the closest to being complete (of course; I mean, let's discuss priorities) ;)  I still really need to downsize and get rid of more, though.  There isn't enough room for everything.  Not just the kitchen, but the bedroom (I need to fit a dresser, a tall boy, PLUS a closet full.. all  into one dresser).  There are a few items I still need to sell off (anyone local want an air conditioner, a bread maker, a dresser and/or a kitchen table/chairs?).

When we had moving day, I kept thinking about the transition; things disappearing from the old place, looking bare, then getting used to new surroundings with the new place.  Babu is still at the old place (can't bring him to the new) and still no owner.  Really having a hard time and I'm not sure why it hasn't worked itself out.

I think we're going to work outside this afternoon.  There is some lawn furniture that needs cleaning and it's a good excuse to enjoy the weather.  The property backs onto the river and there's a table out there just asking to be sat at.  Morning cup of coffee, anyone?  Or perhaps a nice sunset...

It's nice to have W. here for the house transition.  Not just for the physical help of moving and unpacking/sorting, but for the support, for the company within new walls, for someone to talk to or make meals for when I'm not in the mood to do other house stuff.  The last week and a half have been fabulous.  Our union at the airport was a joyous one and not at all awkward or 'weird' (for never having met in person).  The coming-together was just confirmation of what we already knew; we belong together and everything that we do is natural and feels right.  We're both very happy.

Well, W. is up, so I best get up too.

We spend Thursday night in Toronto and he's back on the plane Friday.  Then.... we wait until I move there. No, I don't know when I'm moving yet (it's the million-dollar question everyone's asking).  It hasn't been discussed yet, though sometime before winter.

Hope y'all are having a good week!

Catch Up..

Yup.  Late.  Again.  Sorry 'bout that.
You see, I *want* to blog, but my time management lately has been a bit poor as, of course you know, part of my day is spent on Skype with my love (which is going fantastic, btw.  Can I tell you how ridiculously in love I am?).  And one of these days I'll stop apologizing for not writing, assuming that you'll get used to the fact and forgive me anyways.

So, let me go a bit backwards and catch you up on what I last wrote about....

We had gramma's service; it was typical services (I guess?).  Scripture reading, memories, life timelines and events.  I even learned a couple things about my gram that day (well, her and grandpa both).  And it was nice to visit after with family and socialize a bit.  I got to see relatives I haven't seen in years (that I used to be close to; cousins, etc).  I got to tell one of my uncles (gram's brother) that I'm moving overseas.  This conversation was interesting; I felt compelled to tell a man I haven't been close to at all that I was moving back "home".  I felt he had to know this.  I don't know why.  I haven't been close to that side of the family; not by choice, but by geography, difficulty of visits, etc.  I've always missed them, though.  Like a strange void that has constantly wanted to be filled.  The memories of my visits with them when I was a child are still vibrant in my head.  I've clung onto them.  They were the most... stress-free, family-filled, feeling-whole times of my childhood (I think I just realized why I've clung onto them).  They were times I.. got to be a kid.  So perhaps my need to tell my uncle a significant life moment is my attempt to tie myself to that side of the family more.
Twelve of us went out for a family dinner after.  That was nice, too.  Casual, nothing fancy.
I received a couple items from my aunt that evening that were my gram's; a Dutch bible (even more reason to learn the language), a teacup and saucer (that so reminds me of having tea with them when I was younger) and a couple of silver spoons (one with pretty scroll work with the letter 'E' for grandpa's name, and one with a Dutch.. monument/important land build of sorts).  You can tell they've been well used for said tea in teacup :)  I'm already thinking how to pack the china when I go, as I'll take it with me.

Baking has been next to non-existent.  Bleh.  I have no excuse for this.  I have no reason to bake, really, hence the no baking.  I should be experimenting with recipes.. but.. I'm not.  I do have one Christmas order to do that I should be working on and pricing.  /procrastinating

Oh, the aforementioned conversation with my parents about W. went really well.  They were supportive.  They listened.  They offered opinion.

The language.  Oh, the language.  *sigh*  I'm struggling.  Have I mentioned this?  I don't remember.  I am, to be fair, making it more difficult than it is.  I'm not sure why.  'Cause so much is at stake, I think.  Learning past languages has been fun because I've wanted to learn them out of curiosity and enjoyment.  This I have to learn not just out of curiosity and enjoyment, but necessity.  So.. I'm fighting it.  And it's ridiculous, because I know it's all in my head.  I know.  I've read or heard that other people struggle with it, so I think I have to struggle with it.  This is crap, because I know I'm intelligent enough to absorb the language.  There are times I find myself relaxing about it and it goes a bit more with ease, but those moments are still too far and few between.  If you have any experience learning a new language, I'd love to hear your stories.

Also, I just unpacked today (even though it arrived a few days ago) a parcel I bought online for Black Friday sales; luggage.  I just unpacked it out of the box; almost as if I've created certain processing times for it in my head.  It's sitting out all pretty and red in my living room.
Luggage.
For Europe.

Yeah....

Phew

Well, I'm writing sooner than I thought I would.  Isn't it typical, I say I'm taking some time off, then write the next day.  Ah well.  Hi! :)  I guess I haven't written cause I don't know where to start, there's been so much going on.  So... I guess I'll just pick a topic and go from there.

I've been getting back in the kitchen lately, which feels SO good.  I haven't baked much over the summer.  With the heat, it was just too much, y'know?  ..despite having an A/C.  The other day a la French, I made a Blackberry Butter Cake.  It turned out horribly.  I mean, it was edible for the most part, but I forgot a step and.. bleh.  Anyways, it's just another excuse to make it again :)

I've come across a few sites/articles I wanted to share because I thought they had some element in them that I agreed with, identified with or thought should come to light.
HP's We Respect Our iPhones More Than Our Elders (which, doesn't really mention personal devices at all, so much as getting and giving back to seniors).
Hp's 7 Laws of Fearless Living.  I *loved* the points in this.  Good to think about as you consider your current position in life.
CBC's Tropicana Orange Juice lawsuits question 'natural' status.  CZ CS, this ties in to something we were talking about before.  Folks, if it's important to you, know that the o.j on the shelf isn't as pure as you may have thought it to be.  But then, we shouldn't be surprised.  If you can afford to juice, do it.
HP's What's in your God Box?  Hmm... I'm going to let you read this one on your own.
Random, but The Traveler's Lunchbox, The Well-Salted Tart.  I want to make this.  AR, I think you would be happy if I did, so I'll get back to you ;)
Ah!  This was an interesting site; Wheat Belly (linked to About the Author which kind of gives the synopsis of what he's about) which exposes thoughts on wheat and the detriments it's causing to our health.. and depending on your current nutrition beliefs, you may (or may not, but I'm not sure how) agree with.
lifehacker's The Snarky Voice in Your Head is Killing Your Productivity; Here's How to Stop It.  I liked this, too, and have often found myself guilty (so often! eek!) of the negative inner voice and this will cause you to be mindful of curbing your "inner asshole".  Or at least, bring it to your attention and you can decide what you want to do.  (C'mon.. tell me you're not guilty of some of these points.)
This is a blog post on how to Scare Yourself Every Day, if you're into personal challenges or need a kick in the arse for motivation to try something different.  This may or may not be for you.
HP's Tithing In Canada: Churchgoers Divided Over Donating Percentage of Their Income.  An interesting read about tithing rules, practices, beliefs of different denominations.  The statistics are interesting.

Wow!  That was a lot I had saved up, eh?  I'd be interested what you thought of any of them.

The only other thing I have to write about is a new love; a dear friend of mine whom I've known for a few years.  The catch? (..cause there's always one in Jody's life)  He's in Europe.  Which means I have a helluva'n adventure ahead of me if it works out.  I hope it does :)  Think positive, people!  :)

Due to possible impending move, I've been trying to adapt to a more minimalist way of living. Not that I have a lot of stuff or am materialistic, but am second-thinking purchases.  Oh.. ha.. except for this.  Well, it didn't even cost me anything, but I have to show you; with my airmiles I saved up, I got a new Henckels knife set.  It's so pretty.  It's sitting on my counter, constantly whispering every day, "Use me!"

Ooooh.... ahhhh.... teh pretty.. (thanks to AC for photoshop)

I'm applying for a new job and need your positive thoughts for that, too!  It's in a kitchen in a higher-end hotel in the city; I'm really feeling pulled towards it.

That's all for now.  I need to make me some lunch.  Hope the week is treating you well.  I'll be hitting up the Jazz Festival this weekend with a couple friends (including a close friend coming in from out of town) and I can't wait.  My favourite time of year.

A Heavy Thinking Sort Of Night

I've had a lot brewing upstairs lately; an incident from a couple weeks back has made me re-evaluate everything (*everything*).  Random and cryptic: be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

I wonder how much we hold ourselves back from our future happiness.  Perhaps we want something so bad that we think about it non-stop - and only in a certain ideal in our head (which may or may not be realistic at all.. and more than likely not) - but thinking about that one thing can hinder our success to actually having it.  All we really need to do is let go.  Let go.

Let Go!

Now this doesn't apply to everything.  I mean, I want and need a car, but fantasizing and visualizing about having said car doesn't mean I won't obtain it - I'm just trying to do a preemptive visualization exercise (if I envision it, it will manifest) however I obtain it (via hard work, second job.. what have you).  But when we try to envision a relationship, or more, a relationship with a particular person, *that* can get in our way.  We're not letting go enough for the universe (which is bigger than us) to flow with life around us.  More than that, how are we to know what - and who - is right for us?  You may think you know your own circumstance (and often in hindsight, you're even wrong with that), but you don't know theirs.  We're so quick to presume we know what's right for us when a plan (depending what you believe) has already been put in place.

Also, sometimes bad things happen to good people; bad things from the lowest scum that don't deserve a spot on this earth.  Thankfully, if you have a good attitude, you'll apply a theory that everything happens for a reason (even with the bad stuff) and you'll survive.  And sometimes you'll be blessed to see the reason(s) and many facets .

I want to rearrange my whole thinking; I'd like to be able to take time (not rushed!) to sit back and reevaluate some of my thinking processes/self-standards (and I mean, something like this takes days).  Sort of like... an elimination diet, but for one's thinking or lifestyle.  I want to shut off; I want to turn off from the world and not have to answer to anyone for a couple days.  Sure it's easy you say, just shut off the phone, the computer, the cell - but they're still there, in your space (or being around people you know or might run into).  I want to go somewhere where they're *not* there.  A silent retreat, if you will.  There are some Catholic-based silent retreats in the area from what I understand, but $$$.  Money's not an option for me right now with hours being low at work.  With major events, one's inner being shifts.  I'm slightly balancing the shifting amidst other everyday stress/natural occurrences, etc....I wish I could have total isolation.

Well, that's enough deep stuff for today.  We're finally getting some snow, but I wish we'd get a little more.  Some of what we had melted away.  Calling for some tonight, so maybe that'll stick.  It's a good night to get in cozy with a good book, wrap presents, catch up on correspondence, call an old friend.  Do something for yourself.

Movie Life?

I don't usually post this late at night; it's going onto 21:30 and it's pretty much my bed time.  I'm up at 05:00 for work and I need all the sleep I can get.  But, I've got something on my mind.. so I have to get it out.

I had a good day at work.  Sundays are usually nice and quiet.  Came home, relaxed, had dinner (leftovers) and popped in a movie.  Have you ever seen, "It's Complicated"?  Great movie.  Funny, endearing.  Not a big fan of Alec Baldwin myself, but I tolerate him because I love Meryl Streep (and Steve Martin is great, too).  I can somewhat relate the the plot of the movie (and that's all I'll say about that)... but I look at the life Meryl Streep's character has; at 50, she's been divorced for 10 years (not at all applicable to my point, but apparently I'm noting it anyways), has a beautiful house, garden and her own business.  I had dreams (15 years ago).  I dreamed the house, I dreamed the garden, I dreamed the self-made business (mine was going to be in architecture, for which I studied about 5-6 yrs).

I'm not where I planned to be.

I know, I know, you're going to say, "Well, we hardly ever end up where we want to be"... and you'd be right.  I can't argue that.  By 30 I didn't have the house, family or career I "planned".  When I turned 30 (after, note - not before) I was okay with that.  But right now I have nothing.  I have no family, I have no business, and I have what you might call a sliver of a career... though I can't even decide *what* I want to do (I know I'm not happy what I'm doing, or at least, where I'm doing it).

Two months ago I got a new dream; I dreamed the restaurant/bakery, I dreamed the new, busy life.  I dreamed working with people in a context I was happy with.  I dreamed having a purpose.  That started to take off, or so I thought, then everything fizzled.

My neighbour stopped by tonight to drop off a couple of baking sheets she borrowed the other night.  I told her I was just in the progress of blogging before going to bed.  Gave her a quick premise of what my frustration was and she suggested that maybe this might not be the path I want, but it might be what's meant for me right now, and that maybe I'm here to go through whatever it is I'm going through to help someone else I may find in the same position.  I said with a sort of callous intent that, "Yup.. it just seems I'm here for other people".  I realized I said the right thing with the wrong tone.  I quickly reassured her that I was actually okay with that.  That if that's my purpose, then I'm happy.

But I'm not happy.

Even if I marry the man I love tomorrow - I would have the family, but not the career.  Society has ingrained in me that I have no value unless I'm "making a difference" or have a "401k" or am a big business conglomerate.  I disagree with all of those - and I can hear myself disagreeing with all of those, so why do I have a hard time believing myself?  I see as much value as having, creating and raising a family as someone who runs a business.  We all have our own little niche in the world.  So why can't I find mine?

I'm not living authentically.  Yet I don't know how to fix it.

The last thing my neighbour said before giving me a hug goodnight?  To remember to have compassion for myself.  "Easy words," I said.  Something I would likewise preach, but have problems taking my own advice.

Have compassion.

I Assure You, I'm Still Alive

Hey all.

Sorry I've been AWOL.  I've been super, super stressed lately and haven't felt much like talking.  Hence posting quotes, so you know I'm at least still alive :)

There have been work challenges, Lent challenges.  The only area I'm not having challenges with, oddly, is men (shocker, I know.  Try to contain yourself).  Things are good in that department :) :) :)

Anyways, just wanted to poke my head in.  I'll still post quotes (I think you guys like those) and maybe the odd article or two I find.  Don't be afraid to shoot me an email; I'll do my best to respond sooner than later.

Thanks.. and hope everyone had a great weekend.  Enjoy the rest of it!

My Day

I had my H. Pylori breath test today.  CS and I headed to the next city over (after some bumper to bumper traffic in the morning) and approached the hospital with time to spare.  Walking into a department called "Nuclear Medicine" wasn't all that comforting.  Anyways, the people were real nice and my radiologist was cute in an innocent, reminds-me-a-bit-of-my-ex-ex, sort of way.  We weren't there long and we headed off to the mall to kill some time, do some window shopping.  They had a Coach store and I fell absolutely in love with a bag there (okay, 3).  I'm not much of a materialistic person, but I do have good taste (read: expensive) and when I can afford it, I will.  Anyhoo, after we drooled over the bags we had a bite to eat (oh chicken shawarma, how I've missed you) and headed out.

It's been and will continue to be a busy week; test today, shadowing someone at work tomorrow, work Friday, market and breakfast with a friend Saturday morning, work Saturday afternoon/evening, Mass Sunday, coffee with my brother's girlfriend Sunday afternoon.  Phew!

I'm a little down tonight, though.  Realizing I'm no further ahead in some self-work.  Hmm.. I don't know if I'd call it 'self-work', per se.  I'd call it... y'know what?  I'm not going to name it today.  I don't care about formalizing or identifying things.  I'm tired of articulating how I'm no further ahead with certain aspects of myself - and I don't care right now.  I don't care about anything!!

And you know full well when someone says they don't care - that they do.

Fuck.

I hate caring.

And I just received a very blatant sign from the universe, should I decide to take it as one.  And why the hell not. Life has been full of signs lately.

Maybe I'll just go curl up with my Canadian Business magazine instead.  'Night, all.

The Week So Far...

Just chillin' with some jazz on in the background, trying to take in the day.  It was my first day of being trained on days at work.  My co-workers and I are wondering why I was trained on one of the more challenging floors/routines at first, but I'm just rolling with it (I've learned where to spend my energy questioning things, and where not to).  So... I was up at 0500 this morning and oddly... it wasn't that difficult.  I was reluctant to get out of my warm bed, I won't lie.  It was also a little hard to stay alert, whilst feeling half awake, trying to take in all this new information.  I'm not sure how much stuck.  I'll have to wait till tomorrow morning to find out (I'm going to try to do most of it myself).

I had this past weekend off and it was good; had a small dinner party Sunday night complete with turkey breast, green beans, purple potatoes, apple crisp & vanilla ice cream.  Yum.  Oh, and with a couple of people I see not near as often as I'd like ;)

Monday was work while Tuesday and Wednesday were dealing with a bag of apples I got at market the previous Saturday.  I ended up making 5 mini apple crisps (to freeze - hopefully give as gifts and/or for myself at a later date), apple chips (first time.. and YUM) and apple sauce (also first time).  I froze some sauce and kept some in the fridge.  I'll thaw and cook one of the apple crisps myself to see how they turned out (I've never frozen it before).  Literally for 2 days I didn't leave the kitchen.  It was nice :)  I almost made cookies, too, but I was starting to get tired (despite my ambition).

Got my second assignment back; still in the 90's.  I don't think I've gotten 90's in my life so I'm still a little in shock.

Had a meeting with my department director today and it went very well; it lasted an hour.  She surprises me sometimes... for all the (appearing, to some) asinine changes that are happening in our department, she knows what's going on.  Or maybe she's just really good at bluffing.  Ah well, either way, that's why she gets paid the big bucks.  I got positive feedback from the recent Leadership sessions I took and she thinks I'm going in the right direction.  I got a couple of ideas for inspiration so I hope to act on them.

Okay, I think that's all.  I'm bloody tired and it's only 20:09 - and I don't care.  I'll be going to bed in an hour or so (I say that, but I'll want to watch Greys, so I might veg on the couch).  I feel bad that I didn't make it to Mass tonight (or choir for that fact), but I feel better taking it easy at home.  I'll go next Thursday when I feel a little more used to the new schedule.

For those of you who I haven't spoken to in a while.. drop a line. I wonder how you're doing :)

Hope everyone else had a great week as it comes to a close.

Cerebralectomy

I've done a lot of internalizing this weekend.  Mostly all today.  Even though I was in very social surroundings, I was very quiet, very much "in my head".  I've been anxious since yesterday without any particular reason.  I am going to speak of random things without much order or sense.

Have you ever been out and seen who you thought.. you were *sure*.. was someone you knew, only it wasn't?  You saw their 'twin'.  Perhaps their... doppelganger, if you will.  I still remember the day I thought I saw a public school friend of mine at a park event; this was years ago and I still remember it.  Wasn't sure if it was her at first and I literally almost had to stare at this person and follow them to make sure if it was/wasn't her.  It wasn't.  But, she was important to me and it shook me up a little.  My sister says she thought she saw me once, as her masseur (listen, if I was doing that job, I would be better off than I am now).  I was told by someone today they 'saw' me.  What is it that draws people from our past to us in the present?  Why does it shake us up?  Does it mean anything?  Was it coincidence?  If everything happens for a reason, what was the reason for that?  Why do I seek answers to things that have no answer?

I fear I'm not important to anyone.  I'm no one's priority (Babu doesn't count - he's dependent..heh).  I don't even mean to imply that I have to 'belong' to someone or be someone's significant other.  Even though I have someone(s) it doesn't mean I feel any more a part of something.. or of someone.  I even mean to friends; no one's finding time to communicate with me like they used to.  Is it something I've done?  Do I need to change who I am?  I'm just feeling very alone regardless of who or what's in my life right now.  Yes, it may be irrational, but it's there.

I have been feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin lately.  I don't care for this.

Random: Compliance.  Ending?

I watched American's Extreme Home Makeover and it made me wonder if there's not something I can do for the better.  Who can I help?  What can I do to make the world a better place?  Yeah, it brought out the warm-fuzzies.  I hate that show for that.  Sometimes I just want to keep them locked in.  It's easier.

I came across someone today for a repeated time that I feel drawn to.  I don't know what draws me to this person and for the simple fact we don't even know each other that well; sort of by.. association.  At first I thought it was an attraction, but the more I examined it, the more I realized I think the universe is prompting me to get to know this person.  But how?  How do I get to know someone when we never talk, never even really have a chance of talking, never associate with each other outside of a few times a year of chance gatherings??  Am I being vague enough for you?

That's about all I have to say today.  Sorry it's not more positive.  It's not written from a 'self pity' sort of angle, I'm just calling it like I see it (read: how I feel it).  I'm going to continue to be quiet until I get more studying done, so I apologize for some continued random absence.  Medical Terminology is kicking me in the arse (learning latin, biology and new terms all in one shot will do that to ya).  And I have yet to write about last weekends Jazz Festival and Nuit Blanche (SO much fun); I even took pictures!

Happy Monday everyone - I hope the week starts off fabulous for you :)

Edit: Forgot to add something.

More Hours In The Day?

I wonder some days if you folks don't wonder if I'm still alive.  Sorry for the minimal posting.

Today's a day off (one day off within a 2-week period. And you wonder why I thought about switching departments.. pftt) and it's filled.  I hate the one-day off's... they fill up so quickly.  So many things on the list, not enough hours in the day.  Which reminds me, as I finish my first cup of coffee, I need to get laundry started.

....pauses to get dressed, assemble laundry and take downstairs....

There's been a lot of buzz around work with the new change-over last weekend in the kitchen. Thankfully my job isn't affected until September.  There's a lot of disgruntlement, though.  There was also an incident last week with 2 supervisors and there was mis-communication (an email) that was accidentally read by one of my friends/co-workers which put her to tears (they spoke about her in a very non-supervisory sort of way).  So that still has ripple effects.  It's not a happy time in the Food Services these days.

It's also been quiet patient-wise.  Sorry I have no stories for you of late.  I've had a rotation of new patients and I'm getting to know them all over again.  No exciting stories yet.  I've been noticing, more than lately though, that some of them just want someone to talk to.  It's kind of sad, but very understandable.  I wish I could afford more time during my shift but it's so tightly-knit I just can't.  I do well to take 5 minutes out of my routine to talk sometimes and I don't mind that, but I don't always have the ability.

My health has been alright; about the same.  Last night was my last night with the CPAP machine trial.  I didn't enjoy it at all.  If you ever have to sleep with one of these things... good luck.  I think it helped a little, but I didn't sleep with it much; it always came off halfway through the night (by my doing rather I was conscious of it or not).  I have a couple other discoveries and avenues I want to try, so I'm going to give those consideration before I see the doc at the end of August again for a check-in.  I have my stress test tomorrow. Good times.

I've taken up swimming!!  I'm so excited.  I used to be a 'fish' (my mother called me) when I was younger.  LOVED swimming.  I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner - it's good for the heart, the lungs, building up endurance.  I went with a friend last week and we were there a full hour - half of which was doing laps.  It was fantastic.  Once we go a couple times for laps, casual swim, we're going to try an aquafit class.

I HAVE to finish studying this week, finals are due at the end of the week and I haven't wanted to touch 'em with a ten-foot pole.  Then I'm DONE!  Finito!

Can I tell you (randomly) how much I love Mozart's Symphony No. 25?  There's so much going on in that piece.

Ugh... so much cleaning to do today.  I'd better get to it.

I hope everyone's week has started off well! :)

Time is slipping away...

It has amazed me the past few weeks where the time has gone. You know when you've got so much on your mind, it's suddenly a particular date? Yeah.

First; I f***ed up on my money.

Second; I just realized today I have exactly 12 days to get my shit together (info to organize) for a G.I appointment I have. It's fine that I'm a last-minute person, but for some reason I'm starting to panic.

I don't feel in control of stuff right now, which is odd because I've taken steps to control certain aspects of my life. I can't explain it. What's missing?

On other thoughts regarding my money post yesterday... I know it's normal for some people to live paycheck-to-paycheck. Most people, in fact. But I don't think there's EVER been a day I've not struggled with money. Loans. Debts. It's *always* been a stress. Always. Again, it's learned behaviour. My parents always stressed about money, thus I will learn to stress about money. The trick is.. learning not to. And I don't know how to do that (any pointers, suggestions, new outlooks are more than welcome suggestions).

Well, I'm going to go sit in the rocker by the window, next to a lounging cat and journal for a bit. Then I shall start my day. Lots of studying to do and I'm looking for a new doctor. Wish me luck!