Impact

I've thought and observed over the past couple days, the impact we can have on people.  Family, friends, co-workers.  What we do affects them.  We don't think it does and I'm sure most of us on any given day don't sit back and think, "I wonder if when I do ..this.. how it'll affect so-and-so".  But who we affect and HOW we affect them can have impacts on our lives, too.  Am I making any sense, yet?

I was at work a couple days ago when a co-worker who's become a good friend came to me venting about her life (her ex-husband and the ass he's being and how it has a domino effect on her and the kids, etc).  We've become so trusting ('we' as a society, not just 'we' her and I).  She came barging into my NC that night, closed the door and just started talking.  I sat back and listened... and this is when I started to reflect.  That trust that I've so conspicuously gained from her is precious and I don't want to break it.  We've impacted each others lives enough to become not just a co-worker, but a confidant.

Then I got thinking on a totally opposite spectrum.  When I told my family years ago that I was converting to the Church, one member of said family was a little (when I say a little I mean a lot) shocked and couldn't understand why.  They later described to me why their reaction was this way and how the Church has impacted them.  I've now re-impacted that plethora of past, present and painful, challenging thoughts that they never thought they'd have to encounter again.

On a totally different level, some of us think about what we do and how it impacts God.  Some people involve the thought process, "What would Jesus do in this situation?" but I have not yet the discipline for that.  What we do *does* affect Him and although we don't always think of it at the time, it is stored in a little safe until it's time for review, reflection and judgement (purgatory if need be).  Do we alter our actions now or be completely unconscious and oblivious to them and "save them up" until Judgement Day?

My ex once told me what I did affects him (it was about a situation with some particular actions I'd done he didn't approve of; which is funny because in retrospect, it didn't really affect him at all, though I understand what he was trying to say).  What he didn't realize was his actions were also affecting me (I could list the ones in mind now, but I'll spare you.  I'm trying not to make this a venting post).  He was right; what I did, DID affect him.  Our actions impacted and affected each other.  How conscious were we of that?  How much in tune?  How much....care and empathy was offered?

I've been sitting for the past 5 minutes staring at the screen trying to figure out how to end this post.  I don't know WHY I think of these things, I just do.  Some things in my life right now have caused me to take a look at the world around me in a different way.  This was the result :)

On My Walk To Work...

I came across a few things I decided to take pictures of on my walk to work the other day (sorry, I'm slow getting these up).

....like this little guy who was so friendly to run over to me.

I forgot to look at his tag to check his (her?) name, so maybe next time. He came over for a few pets, got what he needed and walked away :)

I don't know much about tree species and their illnesses, but something seemed wrong with this tree.  He had no leaves and this stuff growing out of him.

Another close-up.

There was a second one with this little guy.  I think he's new this year; looks young and female.  

Fruit salad, anyone?  Kiwi, apple, peach, blueberries, watermelon and strawberries. YUM.  Oh, and yogurt :)

Babu, after *such* a hard day.  Oh woe is me.  I'm the one who did all the cleaning and he took all the rest! 

Story Of My Life

"I always knew I'd be no one's wife.  Not even yours.  It's just that sometimes I forget."
~ Coco (from the movie, 'Coco Avant Chanel')

Taking It Easy

Well, the past couple days have been nice not having the stress of waiting for my course to be done.  I'm finally able to get to some of the things I need to clean around the house and writing emails long overdue.  Still have lots of catching up to do.

On the dating scene: I wish there wasn't one.  Oh the drama.  I had a nice guy message me a few days ago and it started to go well.  He was an RPN in a long term care facility, a year older, good looking and seemed to have his head on his shoulders.  Not so much.  I'll make all of this brief: he lied to me about a) kids and b) religion (and these are major things, regardless of our individual viewpoints) so I had to tell him to take a hike (nicely, of course).  So much for that.  I'm only a little sad because it would have been nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day who understood things when I talked about work.  Oh well.

Not much else to report.  Babu is FAT.  We both need to go on a diet.  Oh yeah, I've been eating better, but have not been losing weight. Not happy.  Haven't been doing enough swimming yet, so...

Am I forgetting anything?  What would you like to know about?

Hope everyone's well.  I'm trying to get out to everyone's blogs again :)

The End Is Not Only In Sight, It's Here

It's almost midnight, my eyes are half open, I'm feeling a little nauseous from not eating for a while, my brain is *completely* fried, I barely have the energy to sit here typing, but y'know what.............

I'M FINISHED MY STUDIES!  MY ENTIRE PROGRAM IS COMPLETED!! *hear the crowd go wild*  *raises both hands into a victory stance*

*faints from having no more energy*

Thanks for the confidence, all, when the push was on.  It was appreciated :)

'Night :)

More Hours In The Day?

I wonder some days if you folks don't wonder if I'm still alive.  Sorry for the minimal posting.

Today's a day off (one day off within a 2-week period. And you wonder why I thought about switching departments.. pftt) and it's filled.  I hate the one-day off's... they fill up so quickly.  So many things on the list, not enough hours in the day.  Which reminds me, as I finish my first cup of coffee, I need to get laundry started.

....pauses to get dressed, assemble laundry and take downstairs....

There's been a lot of buzz around work with the new change-over last weekend in the kitchen. Thankfully my job isn't affected until September.  There's a lot of disgruntlement, though.  There was also an incident last week with 2 supervisors and there was mis-communication (an email) that was accidentally read by one of my friends/co-workers which put her to tears (they spoke about her in a very non-supervisory sort of way).  So that still has ripple effects.  It's not a happy time in the Food Services these days.

It's also been quiet patient-wise.  Sorry I have no stories for you of late.  I've had a rotation of new patients and I'm getting to know them all over again.  No exciting stories yet.  I've been noticing, more than lately though, that some of them just want someone to talk to.  It's kind of sad, but very understandable.  I wish I could afford more time during my shift but it's so tightly-knit I just can't.  I do well to take 5 minutes out of my routine to talk sometimes and I don't mind that, but I don't always have the ability.

My health has been alright; about the same.  Last night was my last night with the CPAP machine trial.  I didn't enjoy it at all.  If you ever have to sleep with one of these things... good luck.  I think it helped a little, but I didn't sleep with it much; it always came off halfway through the night (by my doing rather I was conscious of it or not).  I have a couple other discoveries and avenues I want to try, so I'm going to give those consideration before I see the doc at the end of August again for a check-in.  I have my stress test tomorrow. Good times.

I've taken up swimming!!  I'm so excited.  I used to be a 'fish' (my mother called me) when I was younger.  LOVED swimming.  I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner - it's good for the heart, the lungs, building up endurance.  I went with a friend last week and we were there a full hour - half of which was doing laps.  It was fantastic.  Once we go a couple times for laps, casual swim, we're going to try an aquafit class.

I HAVE to finish studying this week, finals are due at the end of the week and I haven't wanted to touch 'em with a ten-foot pole.  Then I'm DONE!  Finito!

Can I tell you (randomly) how much I love Mozart's Symphony No. 25?  There's so much going on in that piece.

Ugh... so much cleaning to do today.  I'd better get to it.

I hope everyone's week has started off well! :)

Pictures, As Promised

Sorry it took so long.  Loading these pictures takes a while, which is why it's not done right away.  I finally had a quiet night.  Hope you enjoy!

My mom's cat, Storm.  He is quite a character, this one.

Fish!

Notice the size of the two koi amidst the goldfish.  For comparison, those goldfish are maybe 3 inches.  The koi are almost the size of bloody trout.  Click to embiggen.

Mom's pond.  Always the gardener.

At Mackinac.  This is looking across the river at the Port Huron, MI shore.

The boats with the flags were cool.  I have no idea what they symbolize/what their purpose is.

The boats heading out to sea towards their goal.

Some teams dress alike.  It's fun to see.

Freighter, anyone?  The back of it is painted in big, white letters, "Montreal".

One sees all sorts of odities during Mackinac.  Yes, you are seeing someone in costume at the wheel :)

People lined up along the waterfront.  That's just one side.  If I go in the opposite direction, they're lined up there, too.  It's quite the event.

I would like this little yacht, please... 

....and this one... 

....and this one... (the main one in the middle, white/wood combo)

Even a catamaran made it out.  Some boats are just out for the fun.

The Bluewater Bridges.

Looking up!

Save Me

Even when it's vacation it's busy.  Can't I just get a break?  Even as I'm trying to write this, a hundred things are popping up.

The weekend away was good.  There was time spent with immediate family, neighbours, a couple of old friends (one that I haven't seen in years). Lots of shopping was had :)  I came back with more than what I left with.  So much that I've started to question my materialism (I usually don't 'need' a lot of things, though it seems I've acquired them.  In fairness, some were clothes and shoes that were necessary.  Okay, maybe not the mary janes.. lol).

Saturday was the Mackinac races (sailboats race starting at the Sarnia, ON/Port Huron, MI border/bridge on the St. Clair River and sail up to Mackinac Island, MI and back).  Good times had by all (except for the Rotary breakfast - coffee or juice, 2 sausage, 3 pancakes with fake syrup.. sugar, sugar, sugar.. which means I can't have).  We planted a lawn chair by the water and watched all the sailboats go by. I now want a sailboat :)  I'll be posting pictures soon.  A lot of the city comes out for it - it gets pretty packed.  I really enjoy it, though.  I can't tell you why.

I've noticed a lot of things last weekend; how people have changed, how I've changed.  I'm probably one of most of my friends without a boyfriend and/or husband.  I don't have children.  This old friend I saw (we were inseparable in high school), is really happy.  She's got the husband, the new house, the baby.  It took a bit for me to convert kid (when we were 16) to adult/mother/wife.  Like you're life flashing before you, I saw where time has escaped me the past 15-20 years like a movie on a screen.  What's happened; what matters, what doesn't.  We've grown up (I'm not at all trying to make this sound like a rhetorical statement).

I've also, to my detriment, noticed I have many mannerisms as my mother.  Ugh.  I say detriment for a few reasons.  No discourse to her, really, but there are thoughts here that will remain private.  Long story short and vague, I see those comparisons and I fear my life will end up like hers, which is the complete opposite of what I want. This very well may be an irrational fear but it's a fear nonetheless.

I've been doing some self-reflection, since.  I've seen the path I've been travelling in the recent past (past couple years) and I like how the path is going and I like where I 'see' it going, but I can't say that I'll actually get 'there'.  I know what I think I need to do to, but there's no guarantee it's the right steps, right?  How do I even know the steps I'm taking are correct.  I finally feel peace about knowing what I want; who with, who without.  I'm ready for change.

I also confronted a lot of old ugly ghosts in the closet last weekend.  Ghosts I've been dealing with the past year and was ready to confront again.  I was proud of myself for being strong enough to try.

Well, I think that's it for now. I'm going to take the rest of the night to clean up a couple of things in the kitchen (OCD is acting up) and read a bit before bed.  Tomorrow's Wednesday! Your week is almost over and mine is just beginning (day 1 of 6).

Almost Over

What I was hoping for a quiet last day of vacation is starting to fill up.  I'm trying not to get anxious and just go with it (I'd have preferred a quiet day at home).

I hope everyone had a good weekend!  Mine was good and I'll be blogging about it soon, so help me if I find the time.  But.. going to market today!  I have to muster the energy to get ready after a slightly crappy sleep and get moving.  Will write soon!

AWOL

Sorry I haven't been posting, folks.  I've been quite stressed lately and just haven't been able to sort things out in my head.  Lots going on.

Last night was the first night with the CPAP machine and it wasn't great.  Don't really want to talk about it.  One week to go before I finish my studies.  For good.  Completing finals now.  Applied for a job at work I don't really want but need (haven't heard yet).  So after this weekend and the better parts of next week pass, I hope things will have calmed down a little.

I'm going away tomorrow for the weekend to visit my parents back home, so you won't hear from me for a few days.  I'm back to our abnormally scheduled programming on Monday, so I'll write and let you know how the weekend went.  I might even have pictures!

Have a great weekend, all!