Out With The Old?

Something just occurred to me this morning (regardless that it's been fact for over a month now).  I just finished a school program.  Me.  ME!  WTF just happened?!  *stares blankly*  I... finished something.  You don't understand how huge this is for me.  I always got shitty grades in high school (I'm talking C-average) and when I went to college for Architecture I got about B's mostly, but dropped out (various reasons we're *not* going to talk about here).  I had a passion for it, but it didn't come naturally.  THIS is coming naturally.  What fruit it bears, I'm anxious to see.  I maintained my A-average, by the way :)

This morning I decided to take an extra 2 courses (not full program like I just completed).  These will also be assets on the resume.  I really put off doing these because I didn't think I'd have the mental capacity this fall (I really wanted a break from school and I've been feeling poor physically, which is affecting me mentally), but I need to have faith it will work out.  I know if I work hard I can do it.

I'm also taking a Leadership lecture series with the hospital (once a week for several weeks, for a couple hours/session, unpaid) which my department Director has fully backed me up on taking.  The good: Points on the resume, improving self.  The bad: I've pretty much committed to being at the hospital 7 days a week, for the next few weeks now.  If if this doesn't make me slightly homicidal, I don't know what will.

I went to the Pulmonologist this week (nearly missing my app't - I was an hour late and he took me in an hour after I got there).  He got the results of the trial and asked me what I thought, if I liked the machine (no), how often I used it (half to less than half) and if it did any good (so-so).  Despite me telling him the Breathe Right nose strips have been working wonders (sleeping through the night and helping me feel a little better), he still wants me to get the CPAP machine.  Whatever.  Did he read the results at all?  Did he read that the Respirologist thinks I don't *need* the machine?  I'm sure he has to advocate it and I'm sure he had to say the nose strips aren't a solution to sleep apnea.  He's confident if I lose some weight it'll solve everything.  I agree, only easier said than done.  THAT challenge is NOT going well :(

I canned peached for the first time on Tuesday.  It went... alright.  Slightly stressful for my first time.  Might get help next year if I do it again.  They didn't turn out perfect and will be a little mushy, but it should just be me eating them (I'm hesitant to share a less-than-perfect product), so I'm not at all worried about it.

Raining today.  Hope it lets up a bit for my walk to work.

And now, I shall turn up Vivaldi's Four Seasons.....

Quotes

Follow your bliss and don't be afraid and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.
~ Joseph Campbell, American mythologist

Early Morning Ramblings

Okay, so it's not so early (0940 here), but it's Sunday and so peacefully quiet.  I love Sunday mornings.  I made french toast this morning and I debated on turning on some music (I was undecided, it would be classical or chants or hymnal) but I decided on quiet instead.  Of course, then I get thinking.  This is what I came up with...

I went to bed a little upset last night.  Well, more sad than upset.  After shedding the "700lbs", the weight was off (almost literally) but I felt I was destined to end up alone.  Cat lady. Spinster (which definition can either mean 'female spinner of thread' or 'still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying'.  Seeing as it's not the 14th century anymore, I'm going to let you take a crack at which one I mean).  It occurred to me this morning that I was sad about being lonely because of lack of men.  Gah.  How shallow (don't worry CZ, I can already hear your voice from here).  I will and I won't apologize for it.  I will because, well yeah, but I won't because I'm at "that age" where I want to settle down and I'm not and it's frustrating.  Even if I didn't want these thoughts at all, I don't think I could help it because they seem so innate at this point.  Since I'm such a caretaker by nature, I want someone to take care OF (I hear your voice here, too!).  Why God would give me this gift and not give me a man to fulfill it is beyond me (I've sort of stopped typing and have been staring at the screen for the last 5 minutes at this point, unsure of what to say next). ............................ ..........................................thought process still paused..............................................

Right, so, moving onto something else until that gets resolved.  I've been doing an overhaul of the apartment this weekend.  There are piles of papers and clothes and other miscellaneous items that have been lying around and driving me nuts.  I finally cleaned and organized.  I threw out.  I shredded.  I donated.  My bedroom looks a little more normal, though I'm still displeased with it in many ways.  I want to de-clutter.  I want to purge.  Yes, even large items.  I REALLY want to figure out something to solve the echo I can hear in my living room.  Sorry, random.

Most of all lately, I have been craving to have a dinner party!  It's starting to drive me crazy.  Or not even a dinner party but a regular party.  I haven't held a party in over a year and I think I'm starting to have withdrawl.  Yes.  Something must be done about this.

Alright, well, I'm all thought-out for now.  I'm going to continue to have a quiet morning and go to work this afternoon.  Hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday and you spend it with someone you love (or alone! Alone works, too!).

Peaches

Oh how the universe taunts me.

I woke up extra early this morning to go to market to get - as agreed upon (with a lady) - peaches for canning.  Mental note: market is much less busy at 0800 than 1100.  Anyhoo... I've been speaking with this lady for the past month about when the best time is for the right peaches for canning.  Finally, this was the week.  So last week she said she'd bring a very large basket (11 qt worth), slightly bruised peaches for a very affordable price. Deal.  I arrived at her stand early this morning and she didn't have them.  She completely forgot as her van was full with other produce.  I'm very glad you got to bring in new tomatoes and peaches and strawberries, but I was counting on those peaches.  I'd said to her, "And this was the only weekend I had off to can."  I was waiting for her to offer another regular basket discounted for the inconvenience, but I guess that was too much to ask.  She did offer a small basket, slightly bruised for $2, so I took that, plus a larger basket.  They'll have to sit out and ripen, now.  I'm off Tuesday, so maybe I can do it then.  She gave me some paper bags to speed up the ripening process, so I hope that helps (anyone know how long this takes?).  And if I don't have enough peaches, at this point I'll just buy them at the store.  The whole situation was starting to get stressful and right now I just can't deal, so, I'll do what I have to do.

I've also been toying with making and freezing pies.  I'm not really a big pie person, but I've had a huge urge to do this lately.  And cheesecake.  I want to make a cheesecake.

So, since my day has opened up a little, I think I'll enjoy a quiet day to myself.  I've got a boat-load of laundry to do and I want to finish cleaning/organizing my bedroom, etc that I started the other day.  Since I got rid of that 700lbs, I'm in quite the 'purging' mode and feel like cleaning the place out.  I've already deleted a lot of things off the computer.

How's your Saturday going?

Random

Did I say I got rid of 175lbs?  I'm sorry.  I meant 700.

Updates & Stuff

I'm having a tea this morning instead of coffee.  Letting go of coffee has been easier than I thought.  I'm not cutting it out completely, but I'm not having it everyday like I used to.  Maybe once or twice a week or so.  I was going to say it's easier to let go of something when it brings you discomfort, but that's not always the case (as is with coffee; I was having 2-3 cups a day).  I'm not sure where to start when it comes to updating you on what's going on, so I'm just going to start babbling.....

School - Courses are completed (I'm sure I've mentioned this by now) but I still have to figure out my overall average for the program.  Hmm.. maybe it's listed online.  Let me check my account.  Hmm.. but that means I have to find a paper with my student number on it.  Which also reminds me, I have to apply for my certificate.  .....*ruffles around with papers in bedroom*......*looks for 20 min but can't find anything*..... Right, well, that's going to have to wait.  I really need to get in there and clean up.

I've been hearing more blue jays the past few mornings and geese the past couple.  It's that time of year again.  I've got my living room window slightly closed; it's really dropped in temperature overnight (down to 9C).  The days are lovely, though (around 25C/75F).

Work - I think hours will be cut more in October than September as planned.  The later the better for me.  In September I'm taking a Leadership course.  It's a once-a-week lecture (for several weeks) to improve, obviously, your leadership skills.  This is important for me as I have the drive to lead, but lack some... how shall we say.. tact :)  I'm there to do a job and I will direct you to get said job done.  Only, not all people like my directness and I have to.. *shudder*... soften my edge a little.  Honestly, I hate conforming.  It's not for me.  But, having said that, I understand you attract more flies with honey.  Maybe I can look at it differently than 'conforming'.  Hmm.  Oh, funny story:  An email was sent out to pick up the course materials.  I went down to pick them up and as she handed them to me I said I already received them.  She looked puzzled.  She said, "Are you sure?  I just made these yesterday."  Me, "Um... yeah.  I received them in an inter-office envelope last week."  We both pause and look puzzled.  "Are you SURE?" she says.  "Yup."  So it's a total mystery as to how I got the same course material a week before she made it.  Odd, indeed.  Meant to be?

Health - I've been sleeping okay for the most part.  The Breathe-Right nose strips have been a God-send.  They let me sleep through an entire night now and I feel more rested the next day.  I think I still feel really run down from my forever-lasting cycle.  I'm taking ferrous fumerate (a form of iron) to try and give myself a boost, so I've cut down to half a pill a day because it was upsetting my stomach something severe.  I'm not really noticing a difference, to be honest.  I will try to get my next B12 shot soon.  I've been cracking down on my eating habits again as I was getting a little lazy (it really is hard to recognize and resist so many carbs!).

Personal Growth - Boy, I don't think I have enough time in the day or space in this entry to write everything that's happened the past 72 hours.  Lets just say I feel the weight has been lifted off my back.  175lbs of weight, that is.

Cryptic - Remember my significant coffee friend?  Yes.

I read this, this morning: Scientists Crack Wheat's Genetic Code.  I have a sneaky suspicion this isn't an entirely good thing.

This article made my stomach turn: Women Need Antibiotics Before (not after) C-Section.  Just.. wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  I understand in some cases it may be needed, but.. man.  (Note: yes, my opinion, not based on medical fact, but I'll be DAMNED if you stick me with a) something I don't want and b) something that will get into my baby's bloodstream, also what I don't want).  /rant

I have a random craving for a Starbucks Tazo Chai Latte.  Thanks, CS :P

It was JH's birthday yesterday.  A ripe 25.  I woke her up early (muahahaha) and arrived at her door with flowers and took her out for breakfast.  I remember 25; I also did a lot of maturing at that age.  Things change.  Priorities in you shift.  Do *you* remember 25? :)

Prayer Life - I've found this fantastic site, Pray-As-You-Go (it's UK-based, as it turns out) and they have daily prayers you can download (on the site, or to an mp3 player).  I've listened to them every morning this week, almost first thing before my day starts (but of course, you can listen to them whenever, this is just what works for me) and they're just fantastic.  They last about 10-13 min, so if you can spare the time (or curiosity), I encourage you to give it a go.

Yesterday I tried, Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred.  Holy hell, am I sore today.  If I had more energy this morning, I would have given it another go, but I'm not feeling great.  There are a lot of girls at work trying it and I thought why not.  I need an extra kick in the ass.  It will definitely tone you, that's for sure.  At this point, even if it skims an inch off I'll be happy.  I'll keep you posted.  (I'll also keep you posted if I keep it up.  Aries are famous for starting things, but never finishing them.)

Well, I think I've talked your ear off today.  It's Friday and my weekend off, only I picked up a shift for Sunday.  I don't ever work my weekends off (I get so few) but this person begged and pleaded (okay, I might have a bit of a soft-spot inside, but don't tell anyone).  The hours will be nice on the next paycheque.  Tomorrow I'll be going to market early-early to get peaches for canning.  Wish me luck!!  Hope everyone has a great weekend!  Get out and enjoy the weather :)

Later Edit: Forgot to include a link.

Quotes

Thou art to me a delicious torment.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cute

Borrowed from Z&M ;)

Quote Confusion

"Familiarity breeds contempt".

I've had this quote in my head the past few days.  I can't tell you why.  I can only tell you it comes up when I think about key issues in my life.  It's bothering me, really, because I can't get it out.  To tell the truth, I don't even really know if I *understand* it.

Maybe I need to talk it out.  I don't know.

Late Night Ramblings

I called a close friend last night to catch up; our lives have taken their own path and have been so busy we haven't been able to touch base for a while.  We were talking about our prospective ex's and she said something that was quite sober; that she was with her last ex because she imagines he just filled a need for her at the time, whatever 'that' need was (still in personal retrospect).  It happens.  I'm guilty.  I know what need my ex-ex filled and what my ex filled (thought that was more 'whole' and complex than anything I've had in the past).  What will the next one fill?  What need will I need tending?  How can I stay ahead of the game?  What else do I need to learn so I don't continue any more breakups?  Do we identify consciously WHAT our needs are?  Does that help?  Acknowledgement is one thing, attainment is another.

I hear someone else's voice in my head (you know who you are, girl).  This is why it's important to be filled with Christ; He fills those needs for us.  We are always to turn to God - in good, in bad, in all the in-between.  We are to look to Him and create a relationship with Him that will keep us on the right path.

If you're not religious in any form and think I'm crazy, you might not be far off.  Well, maybe not too much crazy, but it IS difficult, even for the best of us.  I'm horrible at it.  Horrible.  I still struggle with my relationship with Christ at the best of times.  Choosing someone you can't see to be your life saver, your confidant, your other half whole, is by far the most challenging thing you can do.  But also the most rewarding.  Not that I would know.

I will give more effort to include God in my decisions with my next mate, though I think He already has had a hand in it ;)

Sorry if I waxed spiritual.  I'm tired but not yet ready for bed.  Mind is running.  To think I still want to do some meditation, prayer before bed.  I best not say the rosary until I'm near done; it always puts me to peaceful slumber.