Baking

So today I'm going to bake a Normandy Apple Tea Cake.  I've taken a picture to show you what I have to work with.  It's an adjustment to get used to all their products (language aside).  For instance: they don't use baking soda.  Like, at all.  Baking powder yes, baking soda no.  They are favourable on self-rising flour (which I think I could get used to, so long as the price is ideal).  Packages are smaller.  Like.. I have not seen one bulk bag of flour.  At all.  How does anyone do mass amounts of baking around here?  Sugar is the same package.  I might need to look around online to see what I can find for flour.  Also?  Chocolate chips aren't common.  CHOCOLATE CHIPS.  What is this anarchy?!  Who doesn't regularly stock chocolate chips?!?!?!?  Had to go on a hunt for them and a friend here found them for me!  They're about a half-hour bike ride away.  Whenever I get a bike *sigh*  I wonder if I can order online..................

Anyhoo... I've included a picture for you today. Click to englarge.

From left to right: self-rising flour (€0,68, light brown sugar, eggs (-/+ €1 for 10), powdered sugar, castor sugar and butter (€0,99).  I'm leaving the butter and eggs out to get to room temperature and I later took out the powdered sugar; it's not needed in this recipe and I think I just got.. sugar happy.  

Ciao!

Bicycles

Today I'm going to write about bicycles.  I thought maybe writing subject-specific posts would be easier and more time efficient.

I've test-driven a couple bikes now; one with a local guy in town and one at a bike shop in Groningen.  The store in Groningen is bigger and you'd think with bikes en masse, they would be cheaper than the independent local guy.  Not so.  Out of the hundreds of bikes they held, only a couple were in our price range with what I'm looking for.  We found one used one that was affordable, but I did NOT like the handlebars on it.

Now, I'm going to go into a small tangent.  North Americans... are doing bikes all wrong.  We really should take from the experts who have been doing it for as long as bikes have been around.  When I rode one from the local guy, the handlebars were spacious and wide apart, if that makes any sense and it actually makes the bike easier to control.  It was a very smooth ride.  I was able to sit up properly on the seat with good posture and the seat itself was very comfortable, too.

Now, they have gears on bikes, but maybe 3 at most (I had to laugh a little, when ours can go up to 10 or 15) and this particular one had pedal brakes, not hand brakes (which I prefer).  The bike I rode in the store in Groningen, the handlebars were closer together (less control, I was all over the place) and the seat had to be changed, which was minor.  For the changes I wanted on the second-hand bike, it would be just as logical to get the new one.  I don't feel like I need a new bike, though, because bicycle theft is so common here (which I find ironic, since everyone has one).  I'd hate to spend all that money on something new only for it to get stolen one day.  So we'll see.

The search continues.

Lazy Sundays

Hoi!  Goeimiddag.  Het is zondag.  (Hi! Good day. It is Sunday.)

The extent of my Dutch doesn't go beyond that; I'm trying to learn Dutch in a Frisian-speaking town so it hinders my learning a bit.  I'm getting more anxious to learn, so perhaps we'll put the push on more.  Anyways.. that's that.

We spent a wonderful day in Groningen yesterday.  The weather was perfect, though it seems to be almost every day; cool in the morning, warm and sunny in the afternoon, then cooling back down around dinner time.  He took me to a French cafe (he knows me so well) where we each had an open-faced sandwich, fresh-squeezed orange juice and we shared pain au chocolat (chocolate croissant).  We sat outside and it couldn't have been more "European".  I'm definitely going back for more.

We went to Mass which is in English on a Saturday.  The church is beautiful, if you've seen my pictures on Facebook.  I have to say, though, I felt happier in the Dutch/Sunday Mass than I did Saturday.  Saturday is more low-key of course, so no big choir (just a couple people) and it's hard to get into things when they sing songs/hymns differently than you're used to, right down to the Allelujiah.  Now, in the Dutch Mass, they sang most Mass parts in Latin.  That was surprising, but nice.  All I could say at the time was, "Thank goodness COOL taught me how to sing Latin," but even those were sung to a different tune.  Anyways, they were all nice experiences.  I'm having a hard time finding a Dutch Missal, though.  I asked the priest last night but he seemed in a hurry to get somewhere and not too concerned to help me.  *shrug*

We passed a restaurant not yet open, on the way to Mass.  It's an Italian restaurant.  Fine dining.  I'm so tempted to apply.  I really should take some time to still integrate and get used to life here, but, I'm getting antsy :)  I'd really like to start working again, even if it's one day a week, I don't care.  I'm not sure they'll hire me, speaking mostly only English, so my chances are poor.  Anyways, we'll see, eh?

 It's a slower pace here, in the Netherlands.  On Sunday's, everything is closed (IMO how it should be) and it's a day to sun-bathe, do yard work, rest inside, whatever you like.  We were going to go to Leeuwarden today and hit up the city (or a museum or something), but with everything closed, we decided to stay home and save money (I want to see the city when everything's open).  Today, for us, is taking it easy, minor things around the house, create a grocery list for the coming week and maybe kick back with a movie or two.  Oh!  And go for a walk.  I'm making a (whole) chicken for dinner tonight.  Okay, chicken, btw, is WAY cheaper than back home.  We bought I think, 5 pieces of boneless/skinless chicken breast yesterday for just over 6 euros.  Back home, that nearly would have cost almost $20.  The whole chicken, free-range btw, was close to 7 euros.  Seven.  wtf?  And wine is cheaper, so I don't know if we're over-pricing or they're under-quality.  I've tasted the wine and it's quite nice, so.. I don't know.  

To show you how liberal the country is, we took a picture of a poster/advertisement of an exhibition at the Groningen Museum (contains language, sorry if this offends anyone).  For the fact I have to apologize that it contains language, shows how different our cultures are.  They're not apologetic and see it as every-day language, but don't mis-understand that it gets used often.  It doesn't.  Right, well, W. took it with his phone (I didn't have mine on me at the time) and hasn't shared it with me, so I'll just have to tell you.  Sorry :/  It's called "Fuck Off 2".  It's this HUGE poster, like, building-size.  It's crazy.  

Okay.. best I move on to other things.  Will try to write more through the week with the differences I've noticed.  I really should write things down.  Hope y'all are having a great week!  Tot ziens!

Getting Settled

I started a blog post a couple days ago, but a) got tired (still, jet lag, even today) and b) overwhelmed.  How do I mention everything?  It's almost impossible.  I'm sitting in a zombie-like trance right now in the chair, but I need to keep occupied because I'm waiting for the delivery of our oven, so I thought I would try blogging again.

I've been here 5 days now.  I don't know if I've ever felt more at home somewhere.  The minute I saw Dutch soil out the plane window, I started to relax and feel....at ease; comfortable; at home.  (The flight was smooth, btw and the staff were fantastic.)  Jet lag sucks and I don't know how long it's supposed to last.  Every day I need to have a nap (from 20min-1hr).  The people here are very nice; most you pass by on the street will say hi to you.  There have been language barriers, but it all depends who you come across.  Today at the bakery, the girl (about my age?) didn't know any English, but spoke Frisian and Dutch.  It's times like that it's nice to have W. around (and he was), though I've gone out on my own and had to try to communicate.  Some know English, some don't (it's not often spoken around these parts).  We looked at bikes today (for me) and the guy spoke decent English, with some help, though him and W. conversed mostly in Frisian.

There have been a lot of differences, probably more than I can even think of to mention right now, but I'll try, in point form, to save time.....

- the cashiers sit at the cash, not stand.  All of them.
- there are no screens on the windows or doors.
- I haven't yet seen one mosquito *touch wood*
- it's a more relaxed pace of life here.
- the roads and traffic are crazy.  I don't know how they do it, but they have different rules than we do and smaller roads (in town), yet no one's been hit; they all seem to know how to maneover around each other (bikes, cars, pedestrians).  If there's one thing in this country that gives me anxiety, it's that.
- everyone bikes here.  Everyone.  Regardless of age (5 to 75) or even attire (business clothes, skirts, jeans, etc).
- the weather has been beautiful.  We've been getting a lot of sun (uncharacteristic, I'm told); it's cool at night, warm during the day, then cools down again.  Perfect.
- the Dutch have a reason for everything they do, in any context, and are usually quite efficient (though I found this out early when I was doing my paperwork).
- we walked on a path yesterday that was covered in shells.  Yes, beach shells.  It's easier for the bikes to cycle on, apparently, than say.. stones or gravel.  It was so neat.
- the countryside is beautiful. It is flat and you can see for miles.

Well, I have to cut this short because the delivery guys called ahead and they'll be here momentarily.  And they speak English! :)  Wish me luck.  I'm going to bat my eyes at them and ask them if they'll also install it (it's gas).

Dag!

Well Then

I'm very sorry about my freak out yesterday.  Not that I had it, but perhaps that I felt I needed to display it.  If W.'s not around, I don't have any other outlet; and you, my trusty friend, since this blog is about saying things that no one else will, get to see *all* parts of the process.

I almost resorted to old behaviour last night, that was neither productive nor healthy.  The testament that I'm sitting and writing to you about it today shows you me how much stronger I've become (since the years I adopted said behaviour).  I'm still having a meltdown, but I will do so more quietly and slowly, until I figure out what's going on and what I want to do next.

I came close to calling off my get-together last night.  People are completely missing the fact that it's an opportunity to say goodbye and that they're coming to see *me*, not so they can be here to turn it into a party and be with 50 other people.  I'm not saying that's not a nice side effect, I'm just saying it wasn't my intent.  So why would I want to plan something for someone else, and not what I originally wanted to do - for me?  I'm not trying to make it all about me, but you know what.. it's about me.  This also helps my grieving process and I have to accept the situation for what it is.  If people wanna come along for the ride, fantastic.  Hop on.  But don't say I didn't warn ya ;)

I have a hair appointment in just over an hour.  It will be a miracle if I make it dressed and out on time; I'm just sort of in sloth mode.

I Need to Vent

K.. you have to understand I'm stressed out.  This is common knowledge, right?  Not only on top of that, but I'm now trying to organize a get-together that no one else was willing to hold for me, in lieu of said stress.  I CAN'T ORGANIZE PARTIES RIGHT NOW, but you know what, it seems like I have to.

I posted said get-together on Facebook as an event and listed it as Open House style - you come when you're able to come.  This is not a chance for me to list something from 7pm onwards and someone say to me, "I can't make it, I'm working that afternoon."  This encourages said person if they can't come in the evening, to stop by and say hi in the morning or early afternoon, or whenever.  Likewise, I have a friend who prefers to come when there's not so many people here, so earlier in the day.

An old co-worker/friend stopped by this morning to drop off a cooler for ice.  She said people are wondering what time to come.  I said, "It's open house style, they can come whenever."  She looked at me with a blank stare wondering wtf I'm talking about.  Now, she's younger than I am by several years, if not close to 10.  Does the concept or term "Open House" only apply to older folk?  Are we the only ones that know what this means?  Or do people not know how to fucking read?  Cause that wouldn't surprise me at all either.  But then another friend of mine posted on the event (who's the same age as me) wondering what time to come.  So I'm starting to think PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING READ.  I get that parties and get-togethers are usually a set time and I get I'm branching OUT FROM THE NORM just so I can fucking see people before I leave.  Sue me.

Seriously?  This is making me want to cry?  THIS IS WHY I SHOULDN'T ORGANIZE MY OWN PARTY RIGHT NOW.

Sigh.

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So You Think You're Envious?

Common phrases I'm told is that people are envious, how brave I am, what a great thing it is I'm doing, how happy I'll be.

This?  This right now, is not happy.  This right now is done with dealing with people who AREN'T GETTING THAT I'M LEAVING.  This, right now, is done with people who don't seem to care about how I've worked with them for 5.5 years and treat my last day with them as any other.  This, right now, is done with family who have only starting to attempt making plans 3 WEEKS BEFORE I LEAVE.  This, right now, is me **so** stretched thin, that I barely have everyone and every thing covered before I go.  This right now..is me so stressed out that I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks.

This is the dark side of moving somewhere far away.  Yes, there will be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but it's not all fun and roses.  To pick up your entire life, leave everything and everyone behind is not easy and causes very painful moments.

I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.

A Prime Example

Remember how I said my emotions can change on an hourly basis?  I told you I wasn't joking.

Just recently W. and I had an interaction; the way he said something was a trigger for me and I reacted 5 times more than what I normally would have with that comment in the past. So then he reacts in kind, and so on, to the point that I'm in tears and we finally talk it out and discover what happened.  While I'm disheartened to see I still have triggers, it shows how touchy I am these days and how the roller coaster continues.  Lately I've been excited (jumping-out-of-my-skin excited) about going, where after I had this nerve touched I end up in tears because everyone is suddenly trying to make plans with me at once and it's too much and I'm being stretched thin and there's only one of me and there isn't enough time and I already miss people and I haven't even left yet.

Did you breathe when you read that?  I sure didn't.

*sigh*

This is how it's going to be the next little while.  Be gentle with me.

Transitions

I'm taking a bit of rare quiet time this morning to touch base with y'all; maybe do a bit of reflection and let you know how things are going in my headspace.

I'm a myriad of emotions right now: happy, excited, sad, stressed, anxious (more the good than the bad kind), scared, eager.  The list goes on.  It also varies per day.  Sometimes even per hour (I wish I was joking).  I also can't seem to keep two thoughts in my head at the same time.  Seriously. Also not joking.

This is my final week at work and it's a bittersweet one.  I've said goodbye to a couple co-workers already around the hospital. Yesterday was a bit difficult (having to say goodbye to a direct co-worker, someone I work close to).  Thursday-Sunday are my last shifts.  I've spent over 5 years in that hospital (when I wasn't sure I'd stay more than a couple) and as much as there were times I didn't like some of my co-workers whether I like it or not, they've helped shaped who I am.  They've contributed to my personality, my work ethic (this is a big one), my mannerisms, changing how I interact with people in business.  They've helped shape *who I am* and I've sort of become pretty proud of that person, so I'm very grateful for these experiences and the people who've contributed to them.  So yeah, it'll be hard to say goodbye.

My stuff.  Ugh.  Getting rid of/selling/donating etc my personal items has been one of the most difficult processes.  I'm getting a hard lesson in pride, let me tell you.  Lesson #1 - Your material items hold no monetary value after ownership, and when you go to sell them, people want even less than that.  Lesson #2 - You will never, ever, EVER get what you a) want for it or b) deem the item to be worth.  Lesson #3 - It might actually put you off from ever possessing new things in the future.  At least, for the short term.  I mean, seriously... what I've amended in the past about my attachment to material items, has again been revamped to want even less than before.  Why?  What's the point?  Why do I want to hang onto something that will no longer serve me in the future?  Why do I want something taking up space that can be used for something more purposefully?  This is all coming at a convenient time of moving to a country that believes in minimalism and small spaces because they don't own a lot of things and recognize THEY DON'T NEED TO.  They already have the mentality that I'm just adapting.

I'm going to sit with that for now; have to get ready for a breakfast date with a nurse friend.  Hope y'all are having a good Tuesday :)

P.S - 28 days!